Thoughts on "In Defence of Lim Chong Yah"

Saw the title of this article in ST whilst at sk's place, and took back the papers to read this article. For two main reasons:

Firstly, I have a high regard for Prof Lim Chong Yah, whom I remembered as being the one who was instrumental in steering our economy through the NWC. Honestly, as a teacher, whose pay was really so low in the 1980s, I always looked forward to the NWC recommendations. It also included paycuts, payfreeze in the difficult days of 1986-1987. But I respected their proposals. 

Economics has always been my favourite subject, which I majored in Uni. Prof Lim's textbook guided us through A levels. I have the utmost respect for him. Because things were turbulent in the 1970s-1980s, nothing was taken for granted. There was trouble in practically every neigbouring country and things were unrestful, and economy far from being stable then. I was acutely aware because whether I could continue education depended on economy and stability.

It had been a very long time (to me) since I heard about Prof Lim since he retired from NWC. When he put forth his 'shock therapy' earlier this year, honestly,  I didnt know how to react to it, nor to the responses that came from different quarters. I noted that it was not well received. Recently, in observing what i had over the course of the year, I thought of his proposal again....

I also have the highest regard for Prof Tommy Koh. It took me by surprise that he would publicly support Prof Lim's proposal which did not seem to be taken favourably.

I highly recommend every thinking Singaporean to read this defence. Whether you agree or not, we all need to consider our role in community. Not just what you have, or do not have.

I quote his final two paragraphs:

"In conclusion, I wish to thank Prof Lim for being our moral conscience. He has reminded us that our mission is to achieve growth with equity. Our ambition is to build a fair an prosperous Singapore. What we have achieved so far is a prosperous and unfair society.

Prof Lim has warned us that we have deviated from our original path and that we are dangerously close to a point when our inequality could adversely affect our cohesion and harmony."
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I think the words speak for itself. Reading the article, I decided to post the notes I had made (below) a few days ago, that I had kept as a draft......pondering
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Communal and Individual

i thought of the very wide gap between the academic able, and less able, both within a school, and across the nation. What would that translate into a few years down the road?

i realised that whilst idealist may advocate teaching to learners' ability and readiness, this itself will most likely lead to widening the gap. i also realised that no single panacea can address disparities.

If i have to suggest a panacea, it is that those with more must be willing to sacrifice and those with less need to be given support and they must be willing to go the extra mile to work harder. This will help to ease the inequality somewhat. i half wonder if this is not a shadow of Prof Lee CY's shock therapy for the economy. I respect him. But how to work that out?

In a way, i now understand how communism could have come about, to attempt to address the gap. But, in doing so, individualism is lost.  How to balance the two requires alot more than 'national conversation'. Communal care  is not 'organised' conversations. It is a delicate balance that can only be achieved if there is a commonality. That is, if one in the first place, truly embrace communality.

Communalism is however not communism. Enforcing equality slays individuality and is in itself an unfairness. Everyone is responsible for themselves ultimately. If you have less, live with less. Communalism however does require those with more, not to clamour for more; to make sacrifices to wait a little for the less to catch up. Community work is not communalism.

The inequality gap is widening at such an increasing, almost alarming rate. At the lunch with buddies a couple of weeks ago, when we exchanged views, I did raise what i observe of the widening disparity, that begins with 'education' and the societal discord that will inevitably result....i really dont wish to see that in my lifetime....

National Examination

Seriously, without a national examination setting a common standard, where would the standard be? Just like competitions, it does provide the impetus to get the kids to be really be serious. One sees most effort toward the end.... there is this goalpost that help spur them on....

And in national examinations, teachers are the mentors of students, guiding them toward the goal post.  There is an objectivity, a common learning goal. Here teachers are not the examiners. There is alot of difference in this.

But that said, the process must be valued more than the product. But what is the process that one would want to reach the final goalpost?  Sometimes, I wonder what went wrong.... .

Yet, I somehow feel, at the end of the day, it is the lack of vision that run down the line.....

Trust

What do we mean when we say we trust someone?

I have wanted to write on this some time ago, but got deviated.

This thought came back to me just now, when sk's sink got choked, and i called mr soon. Sure enough, when he can, he came. He is now in his 70s. I know sk does not have the confidence that i have in this old chap. But i am very confident that he will not only resolve the problem, he will track the root cause, and provide advice to avoid recurrence. And so he did.

yes, i trust mr soon alot. In fact, he was the one that i trusted to clear mum's place, and to help me pack to move over to this place.

actually sometimes, the people u trust in life, may not be those closest to you, or even your good friends or constant companions. Of course the trust is qualified, as in not absolute trust', but confined to certain realms. For instance, if you need to get something done urgently, and you cant attend to it yourself, you will entrust it only to those whom you trust will see the matter for you. The same with say, having a doctor, lawyer, dentist that you can trust. These are not 'close' to us, but in their professional realm,  a trust is developed. Although I must say, i have noted that some people dont seem to see the need to exercise that discretion to be selective in trust, assuming anyone can see to what they are supposed to do.

So what is it that makes you trust someone? Time of acquaintance helps. But sometimes, it is through observations....

I knew mr soon by chance, nearly 20 years ago. I remembered it was a chinese new year eve, and i was helping mum in the kitchen. And he was seeing to a neighbour's pipe problem and was around the backyard, turning off water supply. Then mum said, uncle, its cny's eve, why are u doing repairing work now? He replied, cant be help. I was sick the last few days, and couldnt attend to the job, so now i am well, i must complete it, cny or not. The neighbour that he was attending to is an indian family. He is their regular contractor, and he speaks fluent tamil!

then i said to mum, get his number. He will be a reliable contractor. He gave us, and true enough, he was. I had been taken for many rides by contractors, so it is a relief to get a good one. But what made the difference was, one night, at rv, a couple of years after that acquaintance, there was a blackout again . Blackouts were relatively frequent, but usually ratified through circuit box. However, that night, it didnt work. I panicked, and called him for advice. I wasnt even sure if he would answer the call. He did, and what I didnt expect, was his coming down at that hour (10plus) to see what was wrong. It turned out to be a fairly major problem due to the age of the building. But, he still managed to have temporal measures to restore the electricity supply. I was very touched, and he didnt want to take any fee. From that time onwards, I treated him as an elderly family member. Grateful for his help, and advice. And i know it meant alot to him to listen to his many tales. I probably heard more than most.

And I learnt from him. Never solve problems at the surface. Always seek for the root cause.
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So trust need to be won through action. Consistency. And the less material entanglement, the better.

Then again, there are people one trust by gut feeling, and time usually proves your initial gut feeling right or wrong. Thankfully i have quite a few good friends in this category, and these are the few that I would keep contact with. Yet again sometimes, by circumstances, trust is misplaced, i.e. a normally trustworthy person lets you down because of circumstances.  And that is very very sad. Usually, it ends the bond.

But i have also let down people who trusted me. And i feel awful. Very awful. And still do. Whatever the reasons or circumstance, i dont explain why. To me, its no point doing so.   Whatever reasons, it does not change the fact that i did not keep my word. So...., yes, those instances, thankfully, not many, but one, is one too many, remain a blot in my mind. Even if the decision was a necessary one, it is still a betrayal of trust. I feel the hurt for them as well. And still do.

The worse misplaced trust, are those who deliberately win trust for their own gain. Beneath my contempt to speak of these.

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Then there are those who cant be entrusted to do a task...

Or when one needs to entrust weighty matters, and can find no one. That is probably the saddest.

 i guess that was the main reason for the recent low point.....i had thought many times,. in dire need, in an accident, who would i call that would come to my help and can come to my help whatever the inconveniences?   I guess, if ls was not incapacitated by her sight, she would do whatever she could. Its not just the bond. Its also the ability.

How do one guage to what degree u can entrust another over weighty matters? Actually, there are many ways.....chiefly observations....and consistency.

and looking around,.....i guess, one realise..... one is really quite alone....

i have to learn to shrug it off. And just trust somehow, the Lord will be merciful.

And i guess i wont be alone, in being alone....

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To be trustworthy, to be a trusted friend/family member is probably not something one gives too much thought to (especially if u are always on the receiving end). Yet in life's journey, to have a trusted friend/family member is like the pillar of a building, that gives support to the framework.

i know its more blessed to give than to receive.....but i admit there are times, i wish, i really wish....the 'strong' one  is not always me....

使命感

A few weeks ago, communicating with 2 students from 2 totally different contexts, I was struck by the similar line of thought and aspiration. One of them, being more adept in chinese, aptly put it across as 使命感 ~ sense of mission. That is her aspiration, a sense of purpose to achieve something more for the community. And she saw that in uniform group career. This is a student still in Secondary school. Her enthusiasm is really refreshing, all the more so, because she is not local born, but already has such a sense of community to the country she has spent her last 8-10 years in.

The other student, reaching the end of the school stage, though not explicit in her pursuit, showed her inclination through her consideration of scholarship applications, also in the uniformed career groups. A highly able student, I asked her why she did not consider medicine. Her reply was striking. She has seen many who clamoured to go into medical without the true care for others, and feeling she may lacked the same care, she did not want to be amongst them. Ironic, I thought. Precisely because of her consideration, she may well be a more compassionate person and doctor. Thankfully, she was open to advice to widen her scope of options and engage in internships including at hospitals to better guage her suitability.

At about the same time, I was struck with a hk drama, '36 hour on call' depicting situations in the medical profession. It is the realism of the personnel that impacted me. Through the conversations, they reflected the different reasons why they chose to study medicine. Some, a childhood ambition; some to fulfil parents wishes; some, for' fun'; some, because of recognition and pay. A few, because they wanted to fulfil the medical profession, to care and save lives. I thought really this is an instance where drama do capture a true depiction.

It made me think quite abit about this 使命感  ~ sense of mission. Not all have this sense. What makes the difference?

I pointed out to both students, that whilst good to consider uniform careers, they must be clear of the direction. Are they influenced by family members/friends in the line or by mass media portrayal of the career? In every profession, there is a place for those with this sense of mission. I can see that in the medical, legal, education, research, journalism, uniform groups and even public administration field. In every field, there will  always be those that attain to the highest level, by their capability and drive to achieve, not by a sense of mission and those who has this passion and commitment for the vocation.

There is a distinct difference between having a sense of mission and a sense of achievement. The former wanting to accomplish something with their belief that it would impact a community, and seeing the good, is usually one of the intrinsic reward that makes one feels worthwhile. It comes from ideals. Ability or its lack is not the issue here. It is a inner seeking for a noble object. I wont use the word drive, because it is not really a drive, which is rather compulsive. It is ~ a sense of mission ~ i cant think of a better word, 使命感 , and this can be more powerful than having a drive. I have to add however, that lack of ability, however strong the feeling sense of mission, is a binding factor.

Those propelled by a sense of achievement may achieve a positive impact for community by their strive for excellence, attainment and success. The combination of achievement and a sense of mission would be ideal.

However drive for achievement (seemingly communal) without a true sense of mission can be catastrophic especially for the 'community' that the person is situated.  Their compulsive drive to get results, sometimes at any cost, is a hallmark. And strangely, this can usually be identified by their little regard of those lesser than them and those of no/low value to their object. Even when good does come out from their pursuits, somehow, that is different from a sense of mission.

Those with a sense of mission, but do not have the opportunity to attain to it or face huge structural obstacles, usually end up demotivated and discouraged, even if they have high ability. Actually this may well be the cause of many underachievers, who disdain achieving for achieving sake. They lose motivation when they lose their inward sense of direction and mission, and with the myriads of distraction, their contribution may be thereby minimised or lost. Which is a pity. Regaining their sense of direction and purpose is key to their lives.

Whatever. This is a mere observation of interactions of characters in life. And one use observations as a form of inner mirror, to reflect, who one is.

As a caveat, this is not a dichotomous division and often times, youthful stage is not the stage whereby one can really know who one is, and what one intends. One shrewd observer once said to me, (when i had voiced hope to see change in people), past thirty, you see the character of the person, and that is unlikely to change unless there is a catastrophe in his/her life. So, there is no need to be overly introspective especially for those young. Its just for some, it surfaces earlier and more apparent than others.

Youth is a formative period, but it is always good to reflect and hopefully, there will be more societal and humanistic regard as one grows.

I must say, however, it is always good to see the young, idealistic and having a sense of mission.

return....

Relatively speaking, this has been one of the longer pause .... given time, the gaps may be filled.......it was a needed hiatus.
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for a start, nothing 'personal' per se.... just some thoughts on 2 'intended' changes announced...

first is education-related. the news that banding and academic awards will be removed. It resonates well with one of my earlier post, "Real Winners do not compete", so that was a 'happy' news. Actually, the banding is not as detrimental as the chase of awards, so it was more the latter that i am glad to see.

No need to say more about it, since, a step in the right direction has been taken. But, it is only a step.

As i have written elsewhere, systems is a convenient scapegoat for one's action and pursuit. When ranking was first introduced, I was in a school whose principal disdain such measures. She stood her ground, the school still did well. She never talked about 'msg', so no one talked about it either. Every assembly session were anecdotes that cause one to reflect and learn more about life. That was ranking at its peak. But I didnt feel the impact. That is true leadership.

The issue lies alot with people who conveniently use 'system' as a masquerade of what is within themselves.

Nevertheless, i appreciate the move. I hope the next would be the  removal of  'ranking' of teachers, and kpis.

Setting goals is always good and necessary. But to link it with 'ranking' and 'performance bonus' and 'promotion', it is degrading. When one talks about values, it is not measured materially. When one wants to be 'paid according to one's worth in ability/performance' , then i wonder if such should be an educator in the full sense of the word. Its like a doctor being judged by how many patients he sees, and how many get well.

But, if such incentives are being removed, then i suspect there would be many vacancies in many high places in education institutions. This is probably one 'sacred cow' that will not be removed. Well, hopefully, a more perceptive approach that will encourage young educators with a true heart.

In writing this, i thought of the person i spoke to yesterday, truly an exemplar educator...... will come back to this another time....

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the second, seemingly trivial, is the returning of trays at food centre. i admit i was one of those who opposed to this when it was introducted at the food centre near my place, probably in 2004.

why? i was very very unhappy then. I remembered mum wondering if we should return our trays,  and i said i cant be bothered. When one constantly faced the harshness of life, battered and hassled at all sides, some small things can seem like the last straw.

i hate dirty tables, and hate to clean up after someone else's mess at food centres. Having got to look after people practically my whole life, i was always queing up and serving others, always saying, its ok, even when it is not....i was tired, very tired. With self-service at food centres, i had to carry the food, for mum and i. Whether i was unwell, whether my hands were unsteady, i had to hide that. I always had to say, no problem, when sometimes there were problems. And some of the hawkers can be very rude, and likewise those clearing the trays. I was just plain fed-up. And didnt want to do anything more than what i really need to. One more thing, is one thing too much. i would have to be the one doing the clearing. i was too tired.  I rather not eat at food centres then. so, well, i didnt cooperate.

In schools, yes, we always returned back utensils. But everyone does that, and there was little mess, as there was order.

Over the last few years, i went more often for meals at nus and at ntu, that it began to dawn upon me that if tertiary institute canteens have that habit, why not food centres? i also genuinely pitied some of the workers and felt bad about my lack of graciousness in the past, and really want to do my part. But i wouldnt know where to return the trays to. I can be quite clumsy. 

The nigger about this became greater with the foreigners debate. Not that i wished to be inundated with a great proportion of non-natives, but i also detest all the 'bullying'  and caustic remarks especially online, about foreign workers etc. Our foreparents were also such migrants.

so, yes, the re-introduction of encouraging patrons to return trays at food centres is good news to me. i am glad i can do my part now.  I guess its strange that this should even be written in a post. It is trivial.

True. Its a very small matter, but tiny as it is, it is a gesture of humanity. And humanity shown   ~  to one and all, in this short space, called time.....is not trivial to me.

Auntee

I will begin by relating a meeting with a parent some years back. I like parents teachers meeting. I enjoy meeting parents, to hear them talk about their children, not to tell them about their children. I try to see as many of them as possible, just to understand their kid. Frankly whether they do well or not is incidental. Education is about working together to see the growth of the child, not to discuss "numbers" that become the fixation of many. I agree in some meetings, it is sad. On each occasion however, I would always have a case where I am filled with awe and respect....and this is one of them.

The parent being busy, it was arranged on a weekend. The kid involved is a very lively, interesting, mischieveous kid, whom I am no longer in contact. There is alot to learn from this family, who knew pain and life's dealings. But the parent has set an example in the face of adversities that has steered his family to happiness. I wont go into details, but what left the lasting mark in my mind of this parent was this thing he said of his child.

When we were discussing the positive affective development of the child, he said, yes, he also observed the same. He said, when we passed the security guard just now, the child, greeted the security guard 'Uncle" spontaneously and asked him how he was. The parent said, he took great consolation and pride when he observed that. He always teach his children, it is very important to treat those who are lesser well, and show courtesy and kindness to them. Seeing his child do it so naturally is a source of pride to him. Better than any results. Many parents will relate stories of the attainments of their children. But to him, this is a true attainment.

This is values education. This is good upbringing. I respect this family immensely. How many "educators" bother to greet those who serve?

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In that, let me credit my parents for bringing me up very well. From young, we had to address any elder auntee, uncle, big sister, big brother, whether they be sweeper, cleaner, postman, market hawkers, waiters, waitress ...... I am totally not a social person, but, will make the effort particularly for those who serve.

In most of the schools I taught, I somehow seem to have the affinity with the supporting staff of this nature or with canteen vendor. The first was the drink stall vendor, G, an indian, who took care of drinks of teachers.  In those days, vendors brought the drink into the staff room. I was sickly then, and he would insist of me taking fresh milk, and warming up for me, especially when he realised I had severe gastric. He cried when I left. When I knew he was ill in hospital, I visited him, and he cried when he saw me, and said, I knew you would come if you knew....true, i went as soon as i did hear the news...I felt very much for him knowing he was poor, but I was hardly making ends meet at that time, and couldnt help him. He died, i think barely 40 with a few kids......

In the second school, there was also a lovely auntee who retired when she had a stroke...and the printer, mr ong, who died in service.....

At the present place that I am in, the sweeper of the school compound, a cute, elderly Malay man,  took pains to 'direct' my car to 'help' me park....and in turn, I would show I appreciate it.  He was always so happy when he see me drive in. He would wave excitedly at me, and made me feel, there is someone who welcome me. I made it a point to look out for him, and greet him.

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Auntee is the lady that keeps the staff room tidy in my fifth school. I used to be in school very very early...., in my madness, sometimes at 5.  Auntee was around at 6 plus. She would always hum a hymn, go to the church nearby, before coming back for work. I was actually then, not very communicative, but never lost my upbringing in respect of  those who serve.

This lady is very remarkable, and after some time, she would make special chinese herbal drinks which she gave selectively to whom she will. Honestly, I didnt want to be the selected few, but her persistence, and genuine concern was touching. Through the years, she would relate much about her family, and showed us photos of her children and grandchildren.

At the back of my mind, I couldnt understand why she was still doing the menial task as her children appeared to be well off. So, I wondered if there were some other factors that she didnt share, though she was always so positive, happy and optimistic. But I knew she does have a special spot and concern for me, and some others who related well with her. In fact, she had asked me to go with her to UK where her son is, and spent a month or so there. It was really very sweet of her.

Recently, I heard that she had some health issues and had been on leave for a period. After some arrangement, 3 of us took her out for tea a few days ago. She was as chirpy as ever. This was not the first time we had done so. In fact the third time. There is always a spontaneous agreement, each time there is a suggestion, lets take auntee out, and there is never any hesitation with respect to finding time, no matter how busy. ..3 of us are in 3 different schools. 

It was good to see her. She embraced me when she saw me, and we embraced again, when we parted....
The previous time, she told us about her romance story. I remembered that was a 3 hour session, and it was so interesting and meaningful. This time, she told us of her 6 children and 17 grandchildren, and she also had a maid to take care of things at home for her and her husband.

I was astounded, and I said to her, why are you working as a cleaner when you have a maid at home? She laughed and said, she wants to occupy her time, and she enjoys what she is doing. How many will enjoy menial tasks and find it meaningful?

She had retired as a security guard (yes a lady security guard at ntu , she had stories of how to catch and kill snakes!) and had joined the cleaning company and enjoyed her work in the school. Her children did want her to stop, but she doesnt see why she should.

What a lady! She told us of how she served at the old folks home every weekend, and had been slapped by bad tempered old folks. She told us of how she helped person on the road wherever she is, and whenever she could. She told us of her pain not to have made it in time to see her mum last days, as she had 6 children to manage then and could not travel to Malaysis where her mother was..... and how she walked out of her darkness after months of grief.

Then she looked at me, and said, I knew what you were going through, although you wont say anything. And she understood, that I couldnt say anything.  This was the first time she said that to me, and I was really touched.

I didnt realise there was someone actually watching for me at that time. Yes, i really couldnt utter anything of that searing pain. One only understands when one has gone through. But, I also remembered at that time, I did have alot that did care for me. My very considerate and kind friend and neighbour, ld. My kids who always greeted me cheerfully. And many others who showed they cared by small gestures, getting me out for lunch, tea, ice-cream....

Here is a shining testimony of a lady of worth. She is a catholic, and whatever she did, she did it unto the Lord. This is a lady of humanity, little formal education, but in terms of true education, she beats us all. To her, everyone has a place, she did not judge work as menial or high status, nor does she feel inferior in any way. This is a lady of alot of guts, who when she was bullied in her previous job, took the brunt, and stood up for her rights.

There are people you need to meet up because of circumstances. There are people that you meet up with to catch up. But there are people that meet for no other reason than that there is a bond, like its natural for family members to meet. I am not comfortable with anyone, but with her, and the two friends, former colleagues, there is always this comfortableness. The four of us formed four different generations as each of us are at least ten years apart, but common bond, common humanity, common care , and most importantly, common values that bind us....where there is true bond, there is no generation gap. I almost felt these are my family members, and really regard them so. 

I feel awfully privileged to know her, and to know so many of her colourful life stories,.... And I really respect and value my two other friends, for their true humility and compassion in caring for those that seemed lesser in status, for their patience in being true listeners to hear what seemed to be of no 'economic' value to others; for their warmth and humanity. I have always respect and regard them highly for their intelligence, ability, and educational principles. And I respect and value them most for their values.

Action speaks louder than words is truly exemplified in these my 3 lovely friends. And age is no barrier. All of us, will attribute it to good parental upbringing which we have imbibed, respecting all, with particular concern for the lesser. This is noblesse oblige indeed.

what i want my students to learn....

i want my students to learn...


that intrinsic motivation is more important than surface result....



i want my students to learn...




to believe in themselves ....that they can,,,



i want my students to learn...




to know what they do not know, and realise the need to strengthen their weakness....




i want my students to learn...





to have a sense of pride in themselves ....they do it because they want to... not because there is an 'or else'...




i want my students to learn...



that hard work is necessary, there is no short cut....



i want my students to learn...




that a seeming negative growth does not mean there is no turning in the desired direction....keep at it....



And i want my students to learn this,



not just for a phase.... but for a lifetime...



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i believe,



i really believe,



that there is a spark that is in each child, that can be ignited....



that there will be a reciprocal return of trust ....



whether ultimately, i am going to be let down....



i WILL hold on to my belief to the end....

there are so many billows bashing within me, i am just going to write the multitude of thoughts within me....... yes, they are not quite coherent, and disjointed... but i am still going to write...
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i acknowledged i have been very discouraged, disturbed by the differences in attitudes of young people, or rather indifference in attitude....

one student asked me, why do you bother with those who dont want to help themselves? i asked her, do you realise the societal impact, if everyone adopt that argument?

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Economics is my major in Uni, and my favourite subject. I also admit that I am sad when students take a negative attitude towards the subject for whatever reasons, valid or not. For myself, I rarely like/dislike a subject because of a teacher.

From Economics, i saw the wise planning of those who had designed the growth and development of this small nation. In my time, i did Economies of developing nations, and Singapore was then emerging from the status of a developing nation...I did not blame the government for recession, I saw the susceptitbility of our small country. It affected me. Deeply. I suffered pay cut, at a time, when my parents depended on me. As the only 'graduate', I was the only one contributing significantly. But my take home pay was less than a thousand.

I knew the virtue of hard work, and worked very hard. No one need to teach me these things. When I didnt work hard, and failed, I knew it was my fault. When i couldnt afford, i didnt envy. I couldnt afford. Thats it. What i dont need, i dont buy. When I have, i just want to make others happy.

When i started teaching, i put alot of hope in my students. I didnt want them to 'fail' like i had through lack of discipline. When i realised i hurt some of them through unreasonable unexpectations, I re-examined my values, and adopt a more positive, constructive approach. I realised values are more important than seeming success. And I want the kids to have 'happiness' that i didnt have.

And it was a generation then, that did appreciate.

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What happened in this interim? The repercussion of decisions...against the tide of warning....and in many ways, one saw the inevitable coming....

I now saw, what i had written in my economics essay on developed nations , of the rich getting richer, the poor getting poorer in my own country. But is the poor, really getting poorer? Or is it just that the gap is becoming so wide? Yet is it, really?


The big conglomerates have actually made alot of things extremely affordable. More people can have it, so everyone is happy, and more importantly, wealth increase. The government in their push for economic progress, made broadband,IT infrastructure easily available. So, computer games, 3G, 4G, and with them all the filth come in. And as if not enough, casinos are at the door step, with astounding architecture structure to support. Everything must be seen in 'holistic' view.

Is it? Decadence are at the doorstep. And Who is going to reverse this? Or even can it be reversed? Is all that 'economic' growth worth the destruction to so many untold families? And with such pursuit of materialism, where is the corresponding increase in moral standards?

At one time, to own a car, you have to have at least 20 to 30% cash, that cant be borrowed. I agree totally. In fact, i am for COE/ERP whether as a driver or non-driver. There is a price for everything. You want something, you worked for it, and pay for it when you have the means. Not by borrowing. I only borrowed to pay for my first flat. I couldnt afford, i didnt buy furniture, i didnt have air-con. And my parents came first. And paying off my debt.

But somewhere along the line, someone tweaked it, resulting in this present unbelievably high price of COE. And someone actually said, the reason why is because Singaporeans can afford it. The price is far, far far too high, creating such a great divide. So, this is "market" forces?

I was shocked at the way banks touted for people to borrow by credit or any other way making things appear so 'affordable' to hook the young. But i blame the young for falling for it. I used myself as a standard. What else can i measure?

And when i see even highly intelligent kids being hooked on computer games, and all sorts of IT related activities to relieve the boredom, I feel sad. Very.

And when I see the damage caused to the less able, leading to restlessness, ill-discipline, I ask myself, what's happening? What can be done? What else can be done? ....show me how... i really want to know....

And I am not one that believe in complaints. Yes, i detest those who hide behind online platform to voice their vaunted views, laughing and sneering at others, and with vulgarities. It is easy to tear down, show me what you have done, what you have constructed, and that known only between you and your conscience.

And when kids complain and complain....you know where they learnt it from, the role models ~ the adults.

=====================

It pains me to see so much needs to be done, but i have no energy to do them.

It pains me to see how what had been built well by the right hand, being brought down by the left hand of the same structure.

And there are so many that treat ordinary common sense with scorn, and derision, as if 'titles' and accolades are the fountains of wisdom.

There are many things, i would have told you, i told you so, not once, not twice, but many times. I didnt stand by to watch the 'fall'. But to what avail?

===================

yes, i am tired. Very Very tired.

And sad, very very very very sad.

==================
And this is how i encourage myself:

If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking by Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

I dont want to live long.

But i dont want to live in vain.

thoughts...

i respect one that has the courage to acknowledge wrongdoing so absolutely, and bear the weight of it....alot of respect........ and it shows, values and principles were there.... i only hope society will be merciful and give a recourse for the days ahead....

=============

i am sometimes confused abt the role of mass media....i like to read good thought provoking articles...and yes, i also like to know the news.... but shame, and 'excess' coverage with no regard to irreparable dameage is really abhoring.... i remembered voicing this to scy nearly 20 years ago, when she took the sph scholarship... and she subsequently had to do some form of coverage, and did write to say, she is aware she had to do so, whilst remembering the viewpoints i had raised. But passed the initial stage, she went on to serve well as a journalist to speak for the plight of the less fortunate. I was really proud to see her courage and that she remained true to what she were as a student...

yes, if only there are many more of her around....

=============

alot more thoughts, but really too tired to write. with the mid year exams round the corner, i have given up my 4 day work week....its now 6 day seeing the few kids that are trying to help themselves.... its much more uphill than i had thought...there are alot more distractions compared to 6 years ago....then, computer game was the main 'enemy'...now there is hp, and most are 'smart'...., and so many more have 'tutors'.......values and circumstances have changed so much.....i darent think what things would be like in ten years....honestly, i wouldnt wish to be around to see....of course one can turn one face to see only what one wants to see....

============

when tired....dont think....sleep....

涵养

The passing of feng fei fei brought alot of thoughts.

I like her, but she was not a 'favourite' and I grew up with her songs. There were very little distractions at that time, and the songs that I liked wove into my life. So she is special.

As the years passed, I respect her for the way she carried herself. One who had fame, but never abuse it; and never responded inappropriately, even when provoked. She really carried herself very well.

She has 涵养.

That in her final days, she considered for those that will be affected by her passing is admirable.

I grew up in a better generation, and really have much better role models even in the 'entertainment' sector: simplicity, discipline, and 涵养 . Some words just cant be translated. How many in this generation even enquire after the meaning of 涵养, much less see the value of nurturing and appreciating such an attribute?

In those times, there were many, many who really have character, courage and vision....witness the many tributes to those who had been the foundation leaders of this small island. Leaders or simple people, their lives inspire. Not empty talk.

That is what is missing.....the true substance....

yes, i am sad....have been sad.... but i am much more fortunate than alot, alot of people. At least, I have had role models that inspired. Yes, childhood and education are so important.... the question is, what is education?

涵养. I value this. Partly because mum also admire this attribute.

And whilst reading and knowledge builds up 涵养, it is the continual nurturing of the inner character of the person, that develops such a quality. And actually the more gifted/ talented/ able/ capable, the more the importance of nurturing this inward quality.



sigh....very deep sigh....



yes, feng fei fei definitely epitomised this quality, over a lifetime.... this is a tribute to her...

last day of term and other matters

Personally, I am thankful I remained compose through the day. I dont know if it is because the continual medication has made me numb. Or that I have been so exhausted that I didnt reach that level of sentiments. Or that I am so weather beaten, I got use to goodbyes.

I did not allow myself to think about today at all. I kept my mind focused on one thing: dont upset anyone. I made the decision, I must walk it. I had wanted to tell them alot more especially toward the last few lessons. But I didnt. There was so much to cover and complete. More important to revise for their exams. There should be time. But there wasnt. No time. No energy.

The kids mean more to me than they realise. I can picture and see every single one in my mind's eye. I didnt need photos for remembrance. Throughout the times in class, I captured the way they listened, the way they wrote, the way we interacted in my mind. That was the way I 'took' their photos. I have alot to tell each one of them. I want to tell them to remember their strengths and be positive. I want to tell them to know their weakness and strengthen them. i want to tell them, pick yourself up when you fall. I want to tell them dont hurt people. I want to tell them, work hard, push boundaries, excel. And when you have done so, serve with your heart, not just your mind. I want to tell them, remember those much less than you. I want to tell them about noblesse oblige.

But there wasnt time. I cheerfully bid them goodbye and continually assure them, I am within reach anytime. I also realised at that moment, there was no need for goodbye speech. Not only is it not really appropriate when so many things are going on in school. I realised I have been saying all this in different forms throughout the year. And I realised, it is not that speech of the moment. It is the consistency throughout. I have done that. And so many of them have grown. So, suddenly, I felt all that I want to say, I have said it over the year. Those that would learn, will learn.

The short notes they wrote were enough. The girls were sweet. I hugged them. And I didnt cry. Not outwardly. For those who did, I remember it. Its only that moment. Their sadness will pass. I will be there for them when they need. Actually, I wished I had spent alot more time talking to each of them.

But, I must let go now. They will be fine. They have alot. And they are good kids. At least I dont have to worry about their welfare. For they are in good hands.

I will really miss them. Thankfully, year 6 would be leaving. I am glad to be witnessing their convo.
===================================================

I always like to talk to parents, sharing with them their concerns; hearing about the lives of their kids. Many meaningful conversations.

Being exhausted helped. I hope I wont feel the impact later. I still have not gone through the packing etc. I have to take a deep breath and hang on still.===================================================

i note when each move on from stage to stage, frame of thought changes, as would be expected. But it is strange how people would assume that others would then follow along their change.

I know values need to be taught, but there are some things that should be natural, in the conscience? I believe it is important to look after your loved ones in life. In death, remembrance is constant in the heart. Any other external means of expression, if shown, is accordance to one's regard/belief. What is done in life is the crux. Did you do your part to them in life?

When people reached a certain phase, they know end is nearer, and some made preparations for how the end rites/remains would be arranged. To each their own belief. But why pressed for issues to make arrangements according to what they feel is best for others as well? In life, they did not really know what mum wanted. Why made arrangements for changes to suit themselves? And by changing what mum had explicitly expressed in her will? Who knows best what she had wanted?

I have procrastinated this last matter to attend to since March. I was troubled by 'well-meaning' suggestion and had not been able to be clear what to do. I just felt there was something not quite in order, but yet couldnt explain. At least to them. So I didnt do anything. I did say recently I will settle the matter next week.

Receiving the message today helped me come to a firm decision. Further 'suggestions'.The suggestion sounded logical and noble. But at whose expense? If one really remembers mum, the last one should do, is to suggest alterations. If one really cares to be noble and considerate, then pay the price. No one needs to know.

There is a price to everything. It is just whether one needs to say what is the price. And whether one paid it. And if you really care, nothing is too much to pay.

I had wanted to settle things quietly. Why bring up issues? And if I agree to meeting for discussion, where would it lead?More 'suggestions'? Why should there be a discussion when her wish had been explicitly stated in the will? Using consideration of paying respects to mum and using S1 not so fortuitous circumstance as appeal had made it very difficult. Especially religious matter being involved. But their final suggestion helped me. I replied firmly. I finally knew what to do.

Mum is gone. I will follow her instructions with no add-ons. There is no room for negotiation. I will settle everything next week. The matter is closed. So it will be. But it doesnt mean, I dont mind all these manoevres. I mind. Alot. It hurts. And coming at this time, is not a good time. But, at whatever time, it is not good.

Didnt tell sk. No need for another person to be disturb. sk and me have the same mind. That is my greatest consolation. The instructions were given to me only. Actually, I am proud of the fact that mum's judgement of me was right, despite all our conflicts. I was the 'son' she wanted. She did not place her hopes in her sons. She knew my mind will be clear.

I remembered one of her last words to me, dont cry, it will make your mind confused, and you need to think clearly. I had replied, I didnt cry. Dont worry. I will think clearly. And I still have. I did not fail her. I will follow all that she wished. I didnt and wont let her down. its the least and the only thing I can do.

Leopard does not change its spots. To the end, the same disposition is shown. Those that would learn, will learn. Those that wont, wont. I harbour hopes for the best for people i shouldnt... This is my weakness.

The path is very alone.

But I am used to it.

leadership....

if one read the dire financial crisis of Greece, one wonders about her leaders....

"The Greek people, meanwhile, battered by two years of stringent austerity measures that have crippled the economy and sent unemployment soaring, appear to have had more than enough of their squabbling leaders."The people are suffering at the moment and they (politicians) are not budging," said Marianna, a shopkeeper."

Channelnewsasia Published: 7 Nov 2011
============================
If one reads about the floods in Thailand, particularly Bangkok, seriously we should be thankful that being such a tiny island, we have been mercifully protected by factors of nature, as well as prudent planning amidst urbanisation. Give credit where credit is due.

"It may sound like a drastic scenario, but there is little doubt that Bangkok will have to act if it wants to avoid the fate of the fabled sunken city of Atlantis."

Channelnewsasia Published: 7 Nov 2011

===========================
And it behoves leaders and all not to take their respective roles for granted; assuming they will be blessed; assuming that they know it all; assuming things would never happen to them.

Sternberg's illustration of the fallacies of failed leaders should really be taken to heart, by all, leaders or not.

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." Sophocles

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." Sophocles

I subscribed to a daily quotation email, and this was the quote of the day for today....and it couldnt be more appropriate. I couldnt put it better.

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After the last entry, alot of thoughts came to my mind... especially thinking of my mentees, ....past and present; young and not so young....it take me a life time to come to some understanding of freedom and contentment.... they still have such a long way to go...

Freedom and Duty, are they in opposition? Can i speak of freedom so freely had I been bound by heavy duty?

I can only say, I always had choice, and I exercised my choice toward duty. I was not compelled. Hence I dont regret. My only regret, as I always said, is I didnt do enough for those I love.

Each and every being has to search for their direction, and destiny... in the course of doing so, we may err; we may stray; we may be hurt and worse we may hurt others;

When there is alot of turmoil, alot of conflicts, and continual turbulence beyond our control, and may stretch it seems forever.... for me, in every such circumstances, the above quote says it all.

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What is love? 1 Corinthians 13 defines it best:

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind;

Charity envieth not; charity vqaunteth not itself, is not puffed up;

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own.....

Beareth all things, hopeth all thing, endureth all things.

Charity never faileth."

It never fails, even though it does seem to. I dont need to be loved, to love. I care because I care.

My dear friends, be patient in life's journey. You have a long way to traverse. Keep positive.

不在乎天长地久

只在乎曾经拥有

I was taken aback by this saying when I first heard it and actually didnt agree initially. When young, you want everything good to last. But in truth it doesnt. I then saw the essence of these words....Its good to look back that there had been good times, and we miss it. Be glad we have had the good times to miss. In life it is really impossible to seek for forever. So be positive, and move on...

[Realise it is safer for me to qualify: that by the above quote, I am refering to the good times that we share along life's pathway.... I am not refering to 'special relationship' that is meant to be lifetime commitment.]

when there is pain or hurt, we do need time to nurse it; like the young fledgings in the nest... and when your wings are strengthened, you will set flight again.

As a mentor, whether to past and present classes, whether to all those who had been or could have been my students............ i watch, observe, wait.....sometimes keeping silence which at times is more helpful...

....i know u all will take flight... and when u do, and can fly and be free (including doing duty which is a freedom when viewed in the right perspective).....

....remember if you can:

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." Sophocles

I would be most gratified if u all do so. By love, I mean it in the broadest sense: love to fellow beings, comrades, friends, family, and our country...

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The entry of these words are from one who had lived by the words she wrote; despite things that had happened in life that was beyond her control...

I have ventured forward and live life. I have not been ruled by circumstances nor do I lay blame or anyone or any situation. On the contrary, I am very grateful....

I have loved, dare to love, and continue to love especially my many kids, and mentees, both young and adult... that is why I still remain in the education realm...

In my downsittings, i tell myself, if this is the last day i live, i want it to be able to do what little good possible....dont live your life in vain... rest and hibernate when you need to especially in times of pain.... but after that: remember love, in its true entity, never fails...

Freedom...Contentment

Someone asked me earlier this week whether freedom is very important to me, and without hesitation, I said, yes.

I wondered if our definition of freedom is the same; probably not... not that it mattered...

Kids will say freedom is very important to them too. But I think there again, our definition differs...

To me freedom is that liberty of spirit; it is not doing what you want, anytime u like. That is not freedom. That is ill discipline.

Its like i have the freedom to go to school before 740am, but i choose to go much much earlier and am happy to do so...

I will abide by rules... but i have the liberty of choice to do so and do so happily.

I can take a very very tight regime. Actually what i had taken, very few would be able to take. And that for many years. But i did so with objective. And I know though I was outwardly bound, I am actually free because I know my course... and outward circumstance cant curb that freedom of spirit within.

sometimes when i observed 'supposed freedom' (sorry, especially from the point of view of kids), those who subscribed to it, and do as they pleased are actually themselves in bondage to their own weakness and lack of temperance. Their seeming freedom is an imprisonment in itself.

Similarly those who think they weld power by authority, is actually powerless relying on fear and authority. The fact that if they dont have the authority, they cant attain the same compliance shows in fact, there is no 'power' in actuality. The truth is respect is more 'powerful' than authority. And people will go the extra mile and more with respect than with 'power'.

Freedom is very positive and motivates one to go beyond the boundaries to explore, to serve, to give...

Freedom is that which fuels passions, propels to reach greater heights...

i dont know how to describe that feeling, but it makes duty a joy, and the reward is contentment, not extrinsic, but intrinsic... There is boundlessness in the confines of circumstances.... it is inexplicable... but those who taste it will understand...

Good leaders know how to give this liberty and trust. Only those who have confidence in themselves and in others can trust. I hope the kids that i have mentored will be good leaders, and grow to understand this first within themselve and to exercise with discretion the same trust in their roles, whereever they are....when they grow up... when i talk to them... i see them in my mind's eyes many many years later... and hope they will be good people, good leaders, good team players....

i find it gratifying talking to each and every kid... i do wish they are made of sterner stuff to take hard knocks.

Most of all, i wish them to acquire understanding of themselves, and others and be positive people, and love and give freedom.

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I really do love the feeling of freedom.... if u ask, do i have it now? i will say, yes, not because of what i physically and actually have....

my happiness is not confine to labels and 'success'. I am content.

Yes, I am very sad, and yes, oft times lonely. But I am happy within myself. I dont have any need; I dont have any wants; I may feel pain and sorrow. But I am happy and content. I am not chasing illusions.

I am free... :) I thank the person for asking me... it made me delve deeper and realise how much freedom i have... and that i am happy...

music and driving...

i resume my piano lesson today. after stopping for 6 months....

this is a big step forward for me... many thanks to ky who quietly suggested i should start soon... and aaron... i dont know why, but he particularly reminded me of the importance of music... and each time i see him in class, i would tell myself call chris and start the lesson...

Chris is a wonderful piano teacher. Very patient, practical, encouraging without pushing, and she was never condescending or boastful at all, though she plays so well. I have been with her for nearly 6 years...

I have very very bad coordination, I cant count beats. Even now. Its quite hard to believe, that I cleared my grade 5 last year. I have difficulty coordinating between fingers, between my 2 hands, between counting and playing, between pedalling and playing, and reading notes and playing. I cant tap my feet and play. That was why the piano teacher that taught me when I was 8(?), told my mum I wont make it. I was very sad because I do love music. But I also know piano lessons were very expensive, and sk was performing well. So I had to drop after a few months.

actually i never thought i will ever learn to play the piano in my life. I wanted to have some music in my life, so whilst trying to sort many things out, and i was just giving tuition that time, I got myself a flute and self learnt. Manage to get a few tunes out.

Wanted to get a small keyboard to help get some tunes out.... at yamaha, somebody wanted to trade in her clavinova for a piano... i was there, so i got the clavinova, and thought just sign up for lessons a few months... that was in 2004... it turned out more than a few months.

I am not good at learning from people, especially one to one situation. I am very sensitive to impatience, and felt my stupidity, slowness to progress is the cause of irritation. That made my mind freeze and shut down. Once confidence is gone, it seriously hinders learning for me. But because I know what it feels to feel so louzy, that also seriously helped me become a good teacher.

from the very first lesson with her, I knew she was good. very good. Teacher instinct tells me. I was actually very embarassed because when i register for lessons, they asked me how old is my child taking the lesson. And you dont see people my age attending music lessons seriously. Maybe a few lessons for 'enterntainment'.

I remembered she was quite amazed at my lack of coordination, especially with the pedal, and told me it is the same as driving. I looked at her, and said I dont drive, I have no coordination and no sense of direction. She never once looked exasperated or impatient, and kept telling me it can be overcome. I told her I didnt want to take exams, and will be happy just to play a few songs. After 2 years, she convinced me to try Grade 3 (I got distinction!), then grade 5. But I have to admit, it is more rote playing. I am really not good. But I will keep trying.
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Three years after i picked up piano, I signed up to learn driving, and got my licence within 6 months, putting in nearly 120 hours of lessons. (thankfully it was before i joined nush!) It was costly, but i know, driving is a serious responsibility to other road users. I cant made mistakes.

I didnt have good instructiors in the driving school, but when there was one that was very good, Ghazali, I booked him for all my lessons though it cost more to do so. He was another excellent teacher, and to this moment, I recalled many of his invaluable advice on certain situations on the road. If I still dont drive well, the fault is entirely mine. He was really good and taught for all kinds of traffic situation.

Randy Pausch talked about childhood dreams. I did achieve some of my many childhood dreams. Unless you knew me, you cant believe how hard it is for me to be able to do this. Until my twenties, I cant recognise a left shoe from a right shoe. Actually to this moment, I have problem with orientation. As el said to me in june, that i can drive, and is driving, is really amazing seeing i was well known to my peers for getting lost, and not being able to find my way. I know mum was particularly impressed (it mattered alot to me what she thought of me) that I made it, and did drive her around some times.

No matter how determined you are, when that is your area of weakness, you do need a good instructor, guide, teacher to point out to you how to overcome; to encourage you to continue, and motivate you to reach greater heights... I am fortunate, very fortunate. I have a third good teacher... that I got to know also the last few years... will write about her another time...

A good teacher understands your learning fears, motivates you to overcome weaknesses, and strive to higher grounds. I will never be an accomplished pianist, nor a dexterous driver. But I am able to do what I will never attain without them. Because they never gave up on me, even when I didnt seem to be progressing, it gave me hope, and confidence.

At the same time, it takes a good student to receive, and ponder not just the skill that is taught, but the thought behind the teaching. This is very important. When they care for me, and showed annoyance, I know I have missed something. And because I know they cared, i try hard to make up for my liability.

As Randy Paush said, when you do a bad job, and people dont tell you, it is because they have given up on you. So when they point out the weaknesses, I always take time to reflect the intentions and to transfer the learning in other aspects... I am a good student! :)

There is really alot to learn from Randy's lecture... he has definitely left behind an invaluable legacy...

I hope to be able to keep up these 2 aspects for the remaining years that the Lord would preserve me..... and i am thankful to make this move today...

June Break is almost gone....

except meeting up with a few good friends, i didnt move out of my 'safety zone' which is still my place and school... and now suddenly the break is gone... i realised i did not settle anything...

what have i been doing? writing, and writing.... u dont need company when u write, and you dont feel too lonely even when u are so alone...
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i had intended to use this break to clear mum's place with sk and had booked a long stretch of leave to do so.... But one short round with sk in the first week was more than enough for me, and i cancelled most of my leave... Had to go thru a second round when B1 and J2 came down to help the first fri of the break... and i dont want to clear any more....

i do not want to force myself to face the pain... i have lived my life, ruled by duty... by nature i am not disciplined... but by circumstance... i learnt discipline...and that is probably why i can distinguish between drive and discipline... i dont need to be so harsh with myself anymore, i think...

I knew earlier i was not ready for it... i was right... i needed more time... it doesnt seem to make any sense to let a place remain empty... i know ... i need time....

i think i will be pushed sooner or later... but till then, i dont have to push and cause pain to myself.

i try not to write about 'family' (apart from sk) anymore... ... some things will never be settled... and what never met can never meet....

childhood harms and hurts had left permanent breaches and scars... but i will always remember that through them all, I knew the grace of God.... i am not bitter, but....
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whatever. when i see every kid, i just want to see them happy and positive...to grow up happy and positive.

someone asked me how does it feel to have helped in building foundation for so many young people... i thought that was a good question... except i didnt think that much actually...

though i think alot, i am not a 'planner' or 'strategician'. Thats why i lose in all board games. I cant play chess. I hate to second guess what others intended move.
(sigh! i was introduced to the game blockus, and lost even though all the other players, all math teachers of course :(, tried to give way to 'help' me...)

i just know life is to be lived, and a child is to be taught and loved... thats all...

i have noticed how many 'illiterate' parents especially mothers are very much loved by their children. They didnt have high flown ideas, not having much education, but they showered their families with love, usually shown through cooking a good home meal... and their children grew up to love them even though they dont understand a thing about what their children are doing....

thats all it needs, love and care, and teaching of simple values, that do not need high sounding edcuation...
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sigh, june break is almost gone....

Kind/Helpful...Drive/Discipline...Pride/Dignity

Nearly 2 years ago, i threw the following questions at 303 in our mentoring session...

Is a helpful person also a kind person?
Can a kind person be unhelpful?
There were varied response and illustrations. i didnt have an answer then... was probing for one... and liked to hear from them. Zl had said that a person who is helpful may just be doing it because it was just on the way, so just help. That is not kindess. I think we more or less concluded a kind person is not necesarily always helpful; and a helpful person is not necessarily kind.

2 years later, i still ponder over it but am more conclusive now.

Kind and Helpful are inter-related. Kindness is the quality, helpfulness is the outcome. It just cannot be otherwise. Disregard the random cases. Both are lovely traits. They co-exist.
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How does one distinguish between discipline and drive? One that has a strong drive to achieve usually has the 'discipline' to propel himself/herself forward. But does that mean the person is 'discipline'?

I remembered telling my students (including 403), discipline is not doing what you want to do, but doing what you have to do, even if you dont like to do it. You see atheletes, sportsman, artistes etc taking the most punishing training to attain to their goals, that calls for discipline. Yet they show prima donna behaviour. is that consistent with discipline?

Discipline itself implies self-control, temperance.

How would one distinguish? I guess if extrinsic goals/rewards/ attainments are removed, how many would go through the same rigour for duty sake would help distinguish? Without motivation, would there be discipline? I dont have the answer.

The next question is : is there any need to distinguish? To me, it helps both to know yourself especially , and also to understand and guide others.

In helping kids, u see how some just cant seem to be able to help themselves. U can let them flounder and drown. U can throw them a temporary life-line. But unless they somehow assimilate the importance of 'controlling' their will or 'subjecting' their will, the life-line is really temporary.--------------------------------------------

pride takes different forms... there is pride vs humility....

there is the dignity where one takes pride in ones efforts/ ones works... not becos of extrinsic reward, but it is an attitude... always do ones best...

dignity is a kind of self respect... it is not related to success/ external valuation. It is the worth of a person as a person in himself/herself. In this generation measured by all sorts of indicators, gpa, cap, and what have u, this aspect relating to the worth of ones character is not understood.

People like the cleaning auntee, the conscientious security guard, and Mr Soon, my "old man" contractor... these hold themself with a respectable dignity. I listened to their stories (some of which are very very long) and most people regard their words as mundane and repetitive... but beneath these stories are long years of hardship and perseverence...

10, 20 , 30 years down the road, when you have attained success, or successes have eluded you.... will it affect the value of your person?

If it does, it would also affect how you view and respect others and their dignity.-----------------------------------------------------------------

The Lord grant me grace that I will not change... that my valuation remains simple, and grounded on the qualities of humanity: to be kind and helpful, to have inward discipline,not ruled and driven by external causes; always take pride in my efforts however miniscule and insignificant; to have dignity to the end.

kyc said her mum said to her, until a person reached the end of their lives, they cannot say what turns and twists yet await them. So dont gloat at others, nor despair in downturns. It takes experience to give these words of wisdom. And to kyc's commendation, it takes a learning heart to hear these words with the inward ear and bear in mind.

So whilst young, build and root yourself in good grounds. At some time of your life, you will stray. This is life. Some stray more than others. But the values of your youth and guiding thoughts will lead you home when you somehow awake from your meanderings... dont despise words distilled from the school of life...

chij motto...continue...

If ten, twenty, thirty years and more... you can look back and remember that your school has nurtured values in you, you remembered the motto, the educators of the past would be gratified.... and you are very fortunate!
Like me, you have a wonderful education, not built upon vain glories.
I remembered one interview i had with an independent school when it first started in Spore, I was asked certain questions, and i was open and frank with what i felt. I didnt want to give politically correct reply and be unhappy when i teach in the school.
I said to my interviewers, I will nurture the students the way I had been nurtured and cared. I will not take any action that will infringe the rights of a student. That was in 1989. That kind of statement at that time will never be accepted. Of course, I wasnt offered. And i have no regrets.
In all things to thy own self be true.
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whether you have had such an education, if you are an educator, and values (and not kpi) is your inner vision, and you have the courage and sacrifice, then though you may not see or hear it now, there will be a voice like mine decades later that thank you for your heart in nurture and education. And a true educator will feel his/her life has brought meaning to some...

simple in virtue, steadfast in duty

this is my school motto... a motto that guided generations of chij girls...

six words, actually only 4, the other 2 are prepositions.. but a world of wisdom... and these are words so 'simple', few would pay attention or think in depth over them... but in such simplicity... gems, true gems in them....

there were no computers, much less internet or hp at my time, but we were a generation of greater depth.
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yes, i cant sleep... pondering... pondering of decision, of paths, of past, of present... of unknown future... and as i toss and turn, asking myself what do i want...

i got out of bed to write these entries because I want to remember these reflections:

the inner voice within echo through the mind and soul... simple in virtue, stedfast in duty.

whatever i do, i want to be able always to keep the motto of my alma mater: simple in virtue, yes, goodness, virtue is not for broadcast, not for show....

and in all that needs to be done... to be stedfast to see it to the end... not for man to see.
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i dont want to lose what my alma mater has imbued in me. This is true education, the salience of which very very very few truly understand.

i sincerely thank my school... my principal in particular and all the teachers who cared, truly cared... who showed by example the value of education : care and service to the underprivileged; to think in depth and have the courage to question... (Lee wei ling wrote an article abt Mr Ernest Lau, her uncle cum tutor, who left his indelible mark in her, i wanted to write to her, to say that is education, and i did have that in my school)... not that content was well taught... but it was a living environment of values and growth... the nurturing of the inward is so much more in focus, and cannot but result in the fruition of outward results...

the happiest days of my life... the years in school... whose motto is: Simple in Virtue, Stedfast in Duty. ... as long as i remain an educator... i will abide by this sublime motto.

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Two roads diverged,and I took the one less taken...

actually the skin of the blog was one of the first that gerlynn sent to me when i told her what was in my mind... she sent others subsequently... but i stuck to this one....

in its own way, it is symbolic.... though actually in life, i didnt make many major decisions for myself... circumstance ruled... not that i live 'by fate'... there are some who had said i was fatalistic...

i am not. i know that. i just want simplicity and contentedness. but it does run contrary to my inner drive...

but in spore, edn is such that we see the phases linked and the 'natural' path to university... and with my teaching bursary.... only way to support myself thru education... i ended up teaching... actually not by choice. But like arranged marriage, sometimes things not by choice can be the right way...

sk asked me 3 days ago, why i didnt do the masters i had wanted to do earlier... yes i really wanted to... after 3 years teaching i was bored, did rsa diploma... i was bored again... but i asked her, with dad down with stroke even before i turned 30, there was not enough income from my teaching pay to sustain home, i had to give tuition most nights to supplement, how could i had managed... she kept quiet...

i dont begrudge it... i would have felt awfully guilty if i had put my own wants first.... as it is i wished i had given dad more...

in that i never let circumstance rule; i am not fatalistic, i dont believe in good luck or bad luck; i believe in hard work, and working meaningfully. i never gambled, never bought shares, never took part in lucky draws... i never wanted what was not borne of my own labour.

i find it hard, i admit, to be patient with those who are always complaining others have more than them, and they deserve more? Why? no one in life owes me a living. i see unfairness, and shrugged it off. no amount of unfairness will change the value in oneself. And i deem that of more value.

and i wont change circumstance just to make it 'better'... known evil is better than unknown evil...

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but when path is diverging, it is different....
had deliberately seek out people to talk, to see if i could feel direction.... i realised in the end i have to pave and walk my own path...

the 3 definites in my journey:
tiger and brownie is top in consideration: they have been my faithful companions, most loyal and forbearing;
ls and ky,my companions in this earthly pilgrimage;
and sk, the best sister anyone can have.

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i know my present road is diverging... so many considerations; so many sentiments... for bonds forged and treasured.

the head is clear in its reasonings... but the heart tugs... by year end, i will know whether head or heart rule... but life experiences consistent with all my past decisions... the head will rule...

so i must suffer further pains of heart at this time before embarking on the next phase....

what can be lost was not yours in the first place... what is stable, and of weight will remain...

scgs is also the acronym of its motto: sincerity, courage, generosity, service. A student of much depth, now an outstanding journalist, remembered what i said to the class... of all the 4 qualities... when they grew up... it is courage that they would need most. i said that 17 years ago...

Courage to take the road less taken...