meanderings....

have symptoms of frozen shoulder with stiff neck...limited movement...

Me: what do you do if you have  a frozen shoulder?
Nephew: Defreeze it.

Sigh
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allowing myself some space to meander .......not that i have worked hard on my assignment....could always work harder....at least there is some relief in that the structure is up...and some bits and pieces are falling into place...i just dont want to get into a panic state....not worth it....

i chose a terrain that i had not had much exposure...and though i can just ride it through a beaten path, i chose to walk through the maze....so my wanderings led me to Greek philosophers...then to argumentation and debate; logic and fallacy; dialetics and rhetorics;  pervasiveness of uncertainty and the power of certainty; critical thinking and critical decision-making....

i guess for but barely 10% of the write-up, i was really straying off... it is a little senseless....but then that is me....i am not meticulous, but i like to be thorough...when i write a chapter of notes, i ploughed through texts after texts, and as far as possible, from different countries, from different sources and tried to understand the flow of the mind and concepts.....whether anyone sees it is not material.... i need to get through my own mind, my own queries....before i can attain that equilibrium, to transfer that knowledge....

some years ago, someone told me a story that when he was in sec 2, he wanted to ensure he got into the best class in the streaming, and since humanites was not his strong subject,  to be sure he would score, he learnt by heart about 30+ model history essays that his teacher said the exam questions would be based on. And so he did very well. I supposed relating the story showed his determination or ability, i dont know. He was evidently proud of his effort, though  I thought that was weird,  but well, to each his own.

I recalled my sec 2 days, first of all, i guess i was never that desperate, there was streaming also, but, i guess i took it for granted that i would be fine. At that time, there were only 2-3 libraries in Singapore, and thankfully my school was situated very near to the National Library (which they tore down). I would go there , and look up the reference books to find out more about the historical characters mentioned in the history books, and discovered alot of discrepancies. I couldnt understand then, that well, text books were written based on whatever facts they want us to know. I would ask my teacher who was quite vague, so in the end, I didnt ask anymore. Of course, it was much much later, that i realised most students wont do what i was doing at that age...for no reason....o well....

Looking back, i am thankful that my teachers were totally against model essays, and disallowed us to make reference to them. This way, we arrive at our views and style independently. We were not taught...no remedials, no enrichment, and definitely no internet, hardly any photocopy either....we jsut read (if we can find the books) and think through....grades were subsidiary to independence of thought. This is especially so for Literature. Plagiarism is never a temptation. Surely, we want to be unique in our response

 so now, it reminds me alot of my school days...i really enjoy learning my way.....and now i am doing the same.....whilst it is really arduous to look up one reading after another, and pondering over the views of the writers, it does give one immense satisfaction, alot of room for reflection and  a sense of the spirit of inquiry, so absent in our day.....

 if only.... the deadline does not loom like a noose....

i have this feeling that in the end, it would be a scramble, just like all my final submitted work, a shade of what it could have been....sigh...the mark of the underachiever...almost there....if only.....that was what my lecturer said to me in her feedback for my last assignment....I would have given you an A if only....

the ironic part was the part she 'faulted' was sanctioned in a conference with her....o well, whatever....getting 'A' is the cherry....but i am still an advocate that the process, the journey is what learning truly is.... still, it would have been nice...sigh....

4 more days....but i have noticed my mind no longer worked at the same rate....i like to think it has however attained deeper depths and greater clarity....

whilst i do really enjoy reading and learning, i must say, i am thankful with the submission of this assignment this friday, it is the completion of all my coursework. Doing all 8 within 3 semesters have been a feat....and hopefully the dissertation within the next 6 months. ..

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home-wise, i do feel for sk and bil....having someone dear to you with a known terminal illness is like a death sentence....but through this, it has strengthen bonds....i am not part of the family there....i can only support at the periphery....it will be very trying.....for how long....as long as the young lady  is given as many days to be with her loved ones....with a 5 year old and a 1 year old, its painful....its going to be hard journey from here....

in a way the maid taking home leave at this period is good....i get to help them abit more.....i am determined to put more family time.....whilst i really dont belong....truthfully, i dont belong anywhere....but sk is my closest kin...and in her way, she loves me, as i do her.

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as to whatever i undertake thereafter, it is to do what good in the remaining life's journey... for meaningfulness.....

it is a leaving behind...and a looking forward, to seek for that better country, that better hope,

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." Revelations 21:4

Yes, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country"         Hebrews 11: 1, 13-14

ramblings.....

over these past few days, 'meeting' people in various means of communication, i dreaded the question, how are you, or what have you been doing....
after pondering, my response is, i am waiting for october to come and go.....

one pause from writing because one has too little to write, or because one has too much to write?

can a machine write? at the moment, i feel somewhat like a machine....result-churning machine....

its not that i despair that i cant churn out results. On the contrary.i know i can.

But at what cost?  And what does result prove? For those who really worked for it, for those who regretted not working, and need a way out, yes, it benefits them.

But for those who dont, whose attitude showed a grasping with minimal effort, better still if no effort at all? i know, its not for me to judge.....my duty, is to do my utmost, for each one, deserving or not.....

sigh......

no point saying anymore....october. set my sight on 31 october. Thats my goal.

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when i can find breathing space, i would like to write on a few threads of thoughts....

one of them is bilingualism. i realised that in some realm of thoughts i much prefer to write in chinese. yet, actually english is the language that seems to be native to me....hmmm......

then the other is art or science; or art and science?

i remembered as a 16 going on to 17 jc kid, the first few economics lecture was dedicated to 'debating' whether economics is an art or science. At that time, seriously, i wanted to say, what is the relevance of such rhetorics? cant we just get on with it? what does it matter if economics is an art or a science? That, i think, is a failing of the system, and myself. Taught as a 'content', the argument is meaningless. And then, for myself, thought was shallow.

That generation is a generation that values science. NUS actually classified economics with the Arts Faculty ( at that time, no FASS). But it has a unique place, in that Science faculty student can read Economics as a Science, and Arts students could read Mathematics as an exception.

I was initially matriculated as a Science faculty student, reading Math, Economics and Computer Science. Yes, i would have been the first batch of students reading Computer Science. mum and dad was proud to know i cleared the aptitude test, which selected only 20% of the applcants.

But, I was dependent on psc for teaching bursary then. And they dictated that I must read English Language, English Literature, (Language and Literature are 2 different subjects and so they should be) Economics or Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry.  I wanted neither combination. Computer Science is not a teaching subject at that time, and 'irrelevant' for teaching. That was also not a modular system then. First year Science student must read 3 subjects, and major in two in third year. No minor for Science students in thrid year. For Arts faculty student, your must read 2 major, and one minor from 2nd year onwards.

After negotiation, I was finally allowed to read English Language, Mathematics and Economics. That put me in a 'rojak' combination. Both Science and Arts faculty didnt 'matriculate' me. Science said I should be in Arts as Econoics and English Lang are Arts. Arts said I should be in Science, as Maths and Econs are the two intersecting subjects between the 2 faculties as they are 'Science'. It was that strange. Bureaucracy.

I finally got an interview with Professor Edwin Thumboo who was the Dean of the Arts Faculty then. I remembered sitting in his office, some 4 weeks after uni term has started as an 'unmatriculated' student. And he looked so formidable! And so he was! He put through a call to psc immediately and asked what they wanted. It seemed the reply was quite immediate as well, and within minutes, it was settled. He was really awesome. I was to matriculate as an Arts Faculty student.

I remembered when some seniors in the Hall got to do know about it, they advised me against it. The 'value' between an Arts Degree and a Science matters alot. I was throwing away what is valued.

I dont know what is valued. But I do know, what I want. I was regretful to give up Computer Science, but the 2 subjects I really wanted to read was Mathematics and Economics. I needed the sponsor, I didnt want to burden my parents to get a loan. They did say i neednt force myself to take the teaching award, they will somehow settle my fees. But i knew that means borrowing. No, I cant have that. 

 I chose to read English Language and in exchange for Eng Lit, I was allowed to read Mathematics. Its not that I do not like English Literature. I do. Alot. But Maths and Economics won the day. At 19, i kept my ideals, but I also knew I must respect the biddings of my sponsors. I was only too grateful that I could continue studying.

 (On a side-note, when I see young people squandering their lives away when they have so much opportunity, it is grievous to me.)

So is Economics an art or a science? What is art? What is science? Why such questions at this time?

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A few years ago, a teacher said proudly to me, teaching is an art, and a science. I looked at this scholar teacher of 5 years or so, destined to be 'leader', and did become some sort of 'leader' (define leader please!) , with some pity, but didnt comment. One learns not to converse with emptiness. There are some that are strangely powerful in vacuuming ideas and discharging it as their own. That is neither an art or a science.

Yes, teaching is an art, and a science. Easy to utter, easy to engage in exposition, and elaboration. But as a teacher, do you know what it means in reality?

Education is a favourite topic for debate and discussion. Everyone has their two cents worth of view, because everyone is a by product of sorts of the 'education system'.  What most do not distinguish is there is the distinct difference between education, system, school, teaching and learning. They are NOT synonomous.

People spend so much time having a fine debate and worse, splashing loads and loads of money into 'programs' in "education" (yes, define!)  for "outcome based" (oh, this is well defined and documented) purposes, but miss the mark of teaching and learning. The latter two elements are stand alone, that may/may not be in a system.

The facilator of learning, the teacher, should master the art and science of his/her craft.  I think in the past, where there are much much less man-designed 'organisation', when people has to 拜师, then the value of teaching may be better perceived and understood. How to bring out the best of each child, how to observe for that invisible development of the mind? How to eleveate the thinking to a higher perspective?

How many teachers, may i ask, view teaching as a craft? Craft? Surely not. Its Career Path that matters! And kpis and pbs of course is very important. Teaching is a profession. We are professionals! Craft? Then there is the other camp of teachers, flogged and cajoled to achieve targets set (for whose benefit?), too besieged by work to have any ponderings about craft? art? science?

To those whose heart is warmer, who had hearkened to the 'higher calling from moe adverts,  of moulding life, and nurturing children, or from a true heart to care, i hope somewhere in your life, you will find meaning and understanding, in teaching in itself as an art, and wherein is it a science.

And  measuring a convolution of 'education otucomes' with figures, statistics and rankings has little bearing to teaching, and learning. 

thoughts...

over the course of this week, in 5 different contexts, two in casual conversation, one by a worried parent, and two in school/classroom context...similar sentiments were expressed...


i used to like the subject xxxx, but now i hate/have a phobia for it....reason? grades....


Tr xxx is super because my grade was yyyy compared to zzzz under Tr www


In all cases, like of subject/teacher is all based on grades....whatever the subject, whatever the age of the student, from 11+ to uni students...


The only common element is, they are Singapore students.


how sad....

and when people blame system/teacher/subject, I dont quite understand either.


I like a subject because i like a subject. I like a teacher because of the quality of the teacher. And when i dont do well.... i know its the way i learnt it, and the effort, and my own lacking, since all things being equal, there are those who could and did do well....


Parents and students alike dont consider the issue of personal responsibility for one's learning. Of course, there is the issue of things beyond their control, that are imposed in by educational institutes....and that i do feel strongly ....


honestly, how many educators, in all their varied posts and roles, really, seriously do conscientious self-examination, of the true educational purpose of their pursuits/occupation? And the more i read, the more i see how ignorant many educators have been (including myself) , but at least, i listen, reconsider, and seek further....


nevertheless, if students and parents think liking a subject/teacher is directly proportional to high grades.... it is very very sad....


ok. this is a pause moment....its really a labour to get that article out....if i managed even to do so....

results...

actually stayed up to click for results at midnite...only module this sem, and i fumbled quite badly, totally distracted by the unexpected floodgate of work...


at least it is decent ie no worse than other subjects...tho of cos its a pity, as this should have been one of my best...but give the serious overlook of a segment, that i didnt get worse is a relief....


so one last one in june....interesting one, but i may not have the technical skills to complete the assignment well, though i already have some idea, and an unusual one. :) So in some ways, i am really looking forward to it, as i intend to take an artistic slant, away from the mundane of academics!


will really miss the end of the classes....it was a good communication of mind and....ya, a stretch of the intellect....


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meantime, i am struggling, really really struggling with this 10000 word article....i managed a few hundred words over a week...despairing, and really mad with myself for not being firm and getting out of it!

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A note about release of results.....


when i was a kid, results of national exams were published in newspapers....


then it changed to getting it in printed form from schools....


but at uni, whether u cleared or not, was published at the notice board of the student liasion office....


and yes, when it was disastrous, it was really tragic....


So now, in the comfort on the home, a click of the mouse, and lo and behold at 12 midnite, results are 'published' so privately.....yes, its a luxury!

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i cant colour my font ever since something funny happend to my laptop!!!! help!

there are so many billows bashing within me, i am just going to write the multitude of thoughts within me....... yes, they are not quite coherent, and disjointed... but i am still going to write...
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i acknowledged i have been very discouraged, disturbed by the differences in attitudes of young people, or rather indifference in attitude....

one student asked me, why do you bother with those who dont want to help themselves? i asked her, do you realise the societal impact, if everyone adopt that argument?

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Economics is my major in Uni, and my favourite subject. I also admit that I am sad when students take a negative attitude towards the subject for whatever reasons, valid or not. For myself, I rarely like/dislike a subject because of a teacher.

From Economics, i saw the wise planning of those who had designed the growth and development of this small nation. In my time, i did Economies of developing nations, and Singapore was then emerging from the status of a developing nation...I did not blame the government for recession, I saw the susceptitbility of our small country. It affected me. Deeply. I suffered pay cut, at a time, when my parents depended on me. As the only 'graduate', I was the only one contributing significantly. But my take home pay was less than a thousand.

I knew the virtue of hard work, and worked very hard. No one need to teach me these things. When I didnt work hard, and failed, I knew it was my fault. When i couldnt afford, i didnt envy. I couldnt afford. Thats it. What i dont need, i dont buy. When I have, i just want to make others happy.

When i started teaching, i put alot of hope in my students. I didnt want them to 'fail' like i had through lack of discipline. When i realised i hurt some of them through unreasonable unexpectations, I re-examined my values, and adopt a more positive, constructive approach. I realised values are more important than seeming success. And I want the kids to have 'happiness' that i didnt have.

And it was a generation then, that did appreciate.

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What happened in this interim? The repercussion of decisions...against the tide of warning....and in many ways, one saw the inevitable coming....

I now saw, what i had written in my economics essay on developed nations , of the rich getting richer, the poor getting poorer in my own country. But is the poor, really getting poorer? Or is it just that the gap is becoming so wide? Yet is it, really?


The big conglomerates have actually made alot of things extremely affordable. More people can have it, so everyone is happy, and more importantly, wealth increase. The government in their push for economic progress, made broadband,IT infrastructure easily available. So, computer games, 3G, 4G, and with them all the filth come in. And as if not enough, casinos are at the door step, with astounding architecture structure to support. Everything must be seen in 'holistic' view.

Is it? Decadence are at the doorstep. And Who is going to reverse this? Or even can it be reversed? Is all that 'economic' growth worth the destruction to so many untold families? And with such pursuit of materialism, where is the corresponding increase in moral standards?

At one time, to own a car, you have to have at least 20 to 30% cash, that cant be borrowed. I agree totally. In fact, i am for COE/ERP whether as a driver or non-driver. There is a price for everything. You want something, you worked for it, and pay for it when you have the means. Not by borrowing. I only borrowed to pay for my first flat. I couldnt afford, i didnt buy furniture, i didnt have air-con. And my parents came first. And paying off my debt.

But somewhere along the line, someone tweaked it, resulting in this present unbelievably high price of COE. And someone actually said, the reason why is because Singaporeans can afford it. The price is far, far far too high, creating such a great divide. So, this is "market" forces?

I was shocked at the way banks touted for people to borrow by credit or any other way making things appear so 'affordable' to hook the young. But i blame the young for falling for it. I used myself as a standard. What else can i measure?

And when i see even highly intelligent kids being hooked on computer games, and all sorts of IT related activities to relieve the boredom, I feel sad. Very.

And when I see the damage caused to the less able, leading to restlessness, ill-discipline, I ask myself, what's happening? What can be done? What else can be done? ....show me how... i really want to know....

And I am not one that believe in complaints. Yes, i detest those who hide behind online platform to voice their vaunted views, laughing and sneering at others, and with vulgarities. It is easy to tear down, show me what you have done, what you have constructed, and that known only between you and your conscience.

And when kids complain and complain....you know where they learnt it from, the role models ~ the adults.

=====================

It pains me to see so much needs to be done, but i have no energy to do them.

It pains me to see how what had been built well by the right hand, being brought down by the left hand of the same structure.

And there are so many that treat ordinary common sense with scorn, and derision, as if 'titles' and accolades are the fountains of wisdom.

There are many things, i would have told you, i told you so, not once, not twice, but many times. I didnt stand by to watch the 'fall'. But to what avail?

===================

yes, i am tired. Very Very tired.

And sad, very very very very sad.

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And this is how i encourage myself:

If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking by Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

I dont want to live long.

But i dont want to live in vain.

down post...

honestly i dont feel good... bouts of headaches through the week... culminating in one of those super migraine (i think this is one of those top ten attacks) thru thur nite... still managed to struggle out of bed despite dosing with painkiller...

that is perhaps why i am never too patient with people that are habitually late or oversleep... i had things to see to... i must get it done...

actually i have mellowed down alot... mum was a very tough task master.

But mum was too tough. I rebelled at school. But i always knew most of the time, the authority is right. Again, that is why i am never too patient with 'reasonings' that are actually excuses for lack of self-discipline. A good disciple must take tough and harsh training.... and that is what turns an apprentice to a master of his/her trade. But no one believe in this anymore. Much less the young.

I had high expectations and pushed my kids very hard before. I was really 'fierce' . But i know despite all the luxury and improvement in 'quality' of life, life is actually much harder and 'poorer' for the young generation...i relented over the years.

when i see their fraility, vulnerability; the chase of illusion; pursuit of glory... and the many that cant take criticism; falls; adversities.... i really hope somehow later in life, they will grow up...

character is built by endurance. no other way.

I am so tired, and down, i no longer feel i want to go the extra mile .....why bother....

the only exception are the kids... they are not grown yet... this is their formative years... i hope, really hope they will be a fruitful generation. In many ways, my generation failed... very few leaders are from my generation... leaders are very important... they lead the way, they set the example... they inspire, and motivate others...

i am tired, very very very tired... my head is bashed about and numbed with medication...i only wish in my tiredness, i can also be immuned...

i must try harder to be silent... those who want to learn will do so... those who dont, wont.... silence is golden...

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one of my constant conflicts is actually at heart and mind, i am still as i was, 20 years back?.... but time has cause age to set in... and the gap is there and widening... i have to remember that i am moving on to another realm; the energy level is not the same... and it doesnt feel good at all....

sk always says she is dumb, and in academic aspect, she is not brilliant. but somehow (i dont know how cos i dont talk much), she realises how i feel... when she was young, i was her acting 'older' sister.... now, she and bil treat me as a kiddy sister, the way they fuss...and tho it can be irritating... i appreciated it cos it is what i never had, childhood (thats why i have no affinity with children).... its her way of making up to me, i know....

by the way , for the young (and not so young) to joke about other people being 'old' or making implications of it... is really unkind...

you think you are young and have life, hope, dreams, aspirations, goals...good for you... i am also happy for all of you and want to see you all bloom and succeed....

i also had been young, and also had hopes, dreams, aspirations.... but i had duty... by the time i completed them... alot is gone... and i have to come to terms to it too...

that fleeting pleasure of 'being witty' leaves more hurt than you realise....

I cant understand the callousness, because from a kid, i have always been respectful to those older than me, even if i didnt agree with them (which most of the time, i admit i dont).

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this is a down post... but this is life; there are slopes, there are troughs, there are valleys... but the sky is always there, the sun always rises... i will encourage myself.

when tired...rest... and then sojourn on... i want to push on.... just not to be a burden to others is enough incentive...

music and driving...

i resume my piano lesson today. after stopping for 6 months....

this is a big step forward for me... many thanks to ky who quietly suggested i should start soon... and aaron... i dont know why, but he particularly reminded me of the importance of music... and each time i see him in class, i would tell myself call chris and start the lesson...

Chris is a wonderful piano teacher. Very patient, practical, encouraging without pushing, and she was never condescending or boastful at all, though she plays so well. I have been with her for nearly 6 years...

I have very very bad coordination, I cant count beats. Even now. Its quite hard to believe, that I cleared my grade 5 last year. I have difficulty coordinating between fingers, between my 2 hands, between counting and playing, between pedalling and playing, and reading notes and playing. I cant tap my feet and play. That was why the piano teacher that taught me when I was 8(?), told my mum I wont make it. I was very sad because I do love music. But I also know piano lessons were very expensive, and sk was performing well. So I had to drop after a few months.

actually i never thought i will ever learn to play the piano in my life. I wanted to have some music in my life, so whilst trying to sort many things out, and i was just giving tuition that time, I got myself a flute and self learnt. Manage to get a few tunes out.

Wanted to get a small keyboard to help get some tunes out.... at yamaha, somebody wanted to trade in her clavinova for a piano... i was there, so i got the clavinova, and thought just sign up for lessons a few months... that was in 2004... it turned out more than a few months.

I am not good at learning from people, especially one to one situation. I am very sensitive to impatience, and felt my stupidity, slowness to progress is the cause of irritation. That made my mind freeze and shut down. Once confidence is gone, it seriously hinders learning for me. But because I know what it feels to feel so louzy, that also seriously helped me become a good teacher.

from the very first lesson with her, I knew she was good. very good. Teacher instinct tells me. I was actually very embarassed because when i register for lessons, they asked me how old is my child taking the lesson. And you dont see people my age attending music lessons seriously. Maybe a few lessons for 'enterntainment'.

I remembered she was quite amazed at my lack of coordination, especially with the pedal, and told me it is the same as driving. I looked at her, and said I dont drive, I have no coordination and no sense of direction. She never once looked exasperated or impatient, and kept telling me it can be overcome. I told her I didnt want to take exams, and will be happy just to play a few songs. After 2 years, she convinced me to try Grade 3 (I got distinction!), then grade 5. But I have to admit, it is more rote playing. I am really not good. But I will keep trying.
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Three years after i picked up piano, I signed up to learn driving, and got my licence within 6 months, putting in nearly 120 hours of lessons. (thankfully it was before i joined nush!) It was costly, but i know, driving is a serious responsibility to other road users. I cant made mistakes.

I didnt have good instructiors in the driving school, but when there was one that was very good, Ghazali, I booked him for all my lessons though it cost more to do so. He was another excellent teacher, and to this moment, I recalled many of his invaluable advice on certain situations on the road. If I still dont drive well, the fault is entirely mine. He was really good and taught for all kinds of traffic situation.

Randy Pausch talked about childhood dreams. I did achieve some of my many childhood dreams. Unless you knew me, you cant believe how hard it is for me to be able to do this. Until my twenties, I cant recognise a left shoe from a right shoe. Actually to this moment, I have problem with orientation. As el said to me in june, that i can drive, and is driving, is really amazing seeing i was well known to my peers for getting lost, and not being able to find my way. I know mum was particularly impressed (it mattered alot to me what she thought of me) that I made it, and did drive her around some times.

No matter how determined you are, when that is your area of weakness, you do need a good instructor, guide, teacher to point out to you how to overcome; to encourage you to continue, and motivate you to reach greater heights... I am fortunate, very fortunate. I have a third good teacher... that I got to know also the last few years... will write about her another time...

A good teacher understands your learning fears, motivates you to overcome weaknesses, and strive to higher grounds. I will never be an accomplished pianist, nor a dexterous driver. But I am able to do what I will never attain without them. Because they never gave up on me, even when I didnt seem to be progressing, it gave me hope, and confidence.

At the same time, it takes a good student to receive, and ponder not just the skill that is taught, but the thought behind the teaching. This is very important. When they care for me, and showed annoyance, I know I have missed something. And because I know they cared, i try hard to make up for my liability.

As Randy Paush said, when you do a bad job, and people dont tell you, it is because they have given up on you. So when they point out the weaknesses, I always take time to reflect the intentions and to transfer the learning in other aspects... I am a good student! :)

There is really alot to learn from Randy's lecture... he has definitely left behind an invaluable legacy...

I hope to be able to keep up these 2 aspects for the remaining years that the Lord would preserve me..... and i am thankful to make this move today...

chij motto...continue...

If ten, twenty, thirty years and more... you can look back and remember that your school has nurtured values in you, you remembered the motto, the educators of the past would be gratified.... and you are very fortunate!
Like me, you have a wonderful education, not built upon vain glories.
I remembered one interview i had with an independent school when it first started in Spore, I was asked certain questions, and i was open and frank with what i felt. I didnt want to give politically correct reply and be unhappy when i teach in the school.
I said to my interviewers, I will nurture the students the way I had been nurtured and cared. I will not take any action that will infringe the rights of a student. That was in 1989. That kind of statement at that time will never be accepted. Of course, I wasnt offered. And i have no regrets.
In all things to thy own self be true.
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whether you have had such an education, if you are an educator, and values (and not kpi) is your inner vision, and you have the courage and sacrifice, then though you may not see or hear it now, there will be a voice like mine decades later that thank you for your heart in nurture and education. And a true educator will feel his/her life has brought meaning to some...

simple in virtue, steadfast in duty

this is my school motto... a motto that guided generations of chij girls...

six words, actually only 4, the other 2 are prepositions.. but a world of wisdom... and these are words so 'simple', few would pay attention or think in depth over them... but in such simplicity... gems, true gems in them....

there were no computers, much less internet or hp at my time, but we were a generation of greater depth.
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yes, i cant sleep... pondering... pondering of decision, of paths, of past, of present... of unknown future... and as i toss and turn, asking myself what do i want...

i got out of bed to write these entries because I want to remember these reflections:

the inner voice within echo through the mind and soul... simple in virtue, stedfast in duty.

whatever i do, i want to be able always to keep the motto of my alma mater: simple in virtue, yes, goodness, virtue is not for broadcast, not for show....

and in all that needs to be done... to be stedfast to see it to the end... not for man to see.
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i dont want to lose what my alma mater has imbued in me. This is true education, the salience of which very very very few truly understand.

i sincerely thank my school... my principal in particular and all the teachers who cared, truly cared... who showed by example the value of education : care and service to the underprivileged; to think in depth and have the courage to question... (Lee wei ling wrote an article abt Mr Ernest Lau, her uncle cum tutor, who left his indelible mark in her, i wanted to write to her, to say that is education, and i did have that in my school)... not that content was well taught... but it was a living environment of values and growth... the nurturing of the inward is so much more in focus, and cannot but result in the fruition of outward results...

the happiest days of my life... the years in school... whose motto is: Simple in Virtue, Stedfast in Duty. ... as long as i remain an educator... i will abide by this sublime motto.

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