ramblings.....

over these past few days, 'meeting' people in various means of communication, i dreaded the question, how are you, or what have you been doing....
after pondering, my response is, i am waiting for october to come and go.....

one pause from writing because one has too little to write, or because one has too much to write?

can a machine write? at the moment, i feel somewhat like a machine....result-churning machine....

its not that i despair that i cant churn out results. On the contrary.i know i can.

But at what cost?  And what does result prove? For those who really worked for it, for those who regretted not working, and need a way out, yes, it benefits them.

But for those who dont, whose attitude showed a grasping with minimal effort, better still if no effort at all? i know, its not for me to judge.....my duty, is to do my utmost, for each one, deserving or not.....

sigh......

no point saying anymore....october. set my sight on 31 october. Thats my goal.

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when i can find breathing space, i would like to write on a few threads of thoughts....

one of them is bilingualism. i realised that in some realm of thoughts i much prefer to write in chinese. yet, actually english is the language that seems to be native to me....hmmm......

then the other is art or science; or art and science?

i remembered as a 16 going on to 17 jc kid, the first few economics lecture was dedicated to 'debating' whether economics is an art or science. At that time, seriously, i wanted to say, what is the relevance of such rhetorics? cant we just get on with it? what does it matter if economics is an art or a science? That, i think, is a failing of the system, and myself. Taught as a 'content', the argument is meaningless. And then, for myself, thought was shallow.

That generation is a generation that values science. NUS actually classified economics with the Arts Faculty ( at that time, no FASS). But it has a unique place, in that Science faculty student can read Economics as a Science, and Arts students could read Mathematics as an exception.

I was initially matriculated as a Science faculty student, reading Math, Economics and Computer Science. Yes, i would have been the first batch of students reading Computer Science. mum and dad was proud to know i cleared the aptitude test, which selected only 20% of the applcants.

But, I was dependent on psc for teaching bursary then. And they dictated that I must read English Language, English Literature, (Language and Literature are 2 different subjects and so they should be) Economics or Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry.  I wanted neither combination. Computer Science is not a teaching subject at that time, and 'irrelevant' for teaching. That was also not a modular system then. First year Science student must read 3 subjects, and major in two in third year. No minor for Science students in thrid year. For Arts faculty student, your must read 2 major, and one minor from 2nd year onwards.

After negotiation, I was finally allowed to read English Language, Mathematics and Economics. That put me in a 'rojak' combination. Both Science and Arts faculty didnt 'matriculate' me. Science said I should be in Arts as Econoics and English Lang are Arts. Arts said I should be in Science, as Maths and Econs are the two intersecting subjects between the 2 faculties as they are 'Science'. It was that strange. Bureaucracy.

I finally got an interview with Professor Edwin Thumboo who was the Dean of the Arts Faculty then. I remembered sitting in his office, some 4 weeks after uni term has started as an 'unmatriculated' student. And he looked so formidable! And so he was! He put through a call to psc immediately and asked what they wanted. It seemed the reply was quite immediate as well, and within minutes, it was settled. He was really awesome. I was to matriculate as an Arts Faculty student.

I remembered when some seniors in the Hall got to do know about it, they advised me against it. The 'value' between an Arts Degree and a Science matters alot. I was throwing away what is valued.

I dont know what is valued. But I do know, what I want. I was regretful to give up Computer Science, but the 2 subjects I really wanted to read was Mathematics and Economics. I needed the sponsor, I didnt want to burden my parents to get a loan. They did say i neednt force myself to take the teaching award, they will somehow settle my fees. But i knew that means borrowing. No, I cant have that. 

 I chose to read English Language and in exchange for Eng Lit, I was allowed to read Mathematics. Its not that I do not like English Literature. I do. Alot. But Maths and Economics won the day. At 19, i kept my ideals, but I also knew I must respect the biddings of my sponsors. I was only too grateful that I could continue studying.

 (On a side-note, when I see young people squandering their lives away when they have so much opportunity, it is grievous to me.)

So is Economics an art or a science? What is art? What is science? Why such questions at this time?

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A few years ago, a teacher said proudly to me, teaching is an art, and a science. I looked at this scholar teacher of 5 years or so, destined to be 'leader', and did become some sort of 'leader' (define leader please!) , with some pity, but didnt comment. One learns not to converse with emptiness. There are some that are strangely powerful in vacuuming ideas and discharging it as their own. That is neither an art or a science.

Yes, teaching is an art, and a science. Easy to utter, easy to engage in exposition, and elaboration. But as a teacher, do you know what it means in reality?

Education is a favourite topic for debate and discussion. Everyone has their two cents worth of view, because everyone is a by product of sorts of the 'education system'.  What most do not distinguish is there is the distinct difference between education, system, school, teaching and learning. They are NOT synonomous.

People spend so much time having a fine debate and worse, splashing loads and loads of money into 'programs' in "education" (yes, define!)  for "outcome based" (oh, this is well defined and documented) purposes, but miss the mark of teaching and learning. The latter two elements are stand alone, that may/may not be in a system.

The facilator of learning, the teacher, should master the art and science of his/her craft.  I think in the past, where there are much much less man-designed 'organisation', when people has to 拜师, then the value of teaching may be better perceived and understood. How to bring out the best of each child, how to observe for that invisible development of the mind? How to eleveate the thinking to a higher perspective?

How many teachers, may i ask, view teaching as a craft? Craft? Surely not. Its Career Path that matters! And kpis and pbs of course is very important. Teaching is a profession. We are professionals! Craft? Then there is the other camp of teachers, flogged and cajoled to achieve targets set (for whose benefit?), too besieged by work to have any ponderings about craft? art? science?

To those whose heart is warmer, who had hearkened to the 'higher calling from moe adverts,  of moulding life, and nurturing children, or from a true heart to care, i hope somewhere in your life, you will find meaning and understanding, in teaching in itself as an art, and wherein is it a science.

And  measuring a convolution of 'education otucomes' with figures, statistics and rankings has little bearing to teaching, and learning.