3oth June 2012

Technically, this is a half-year mark. End of six months....calls for some sort of review, however superficial...
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 June....

Month on month comparison, this June has been rather pleasant....every week was eventful, meeting up with people, and tying up things....

More significant 'event' includes PL's daughter cw marriage on my bday ~ i saw the girl grew from eleven years old as a P5 girl who gave me the riddle " What did the Big Tomato say to the Small Tomato" , a lame joke i threw to every class ever since...and this little girl has turned to a lovely bride! PL has really been a faithful friend. Seriously, we remain friends more because of her, than because of me. She was incredibly kind, always going out of the way to be so. Whilst she is totally not engaged in 'intellectual' matters, she is down to earth, and in her 'blurness', she gives good simple advice. 18 years or so....

Then there is the tea with K, C, and M, the sum of the years of friendship with each adds up to more than 100... And again, its more because of them, than me. C declared I was never available, and marvelled that K managed to get me out for tea. I have learnt over the past few years, to appreciate kindness that is unsought, and has no demand. I knew K from P1 but we were never close, though we do relate well. Never met when we went our separate ways from JC (as far as i can remember), but she found me in her son's parents teachers meeting. And from then, she made the effort, and was quietly there. The difficult months prior to mum's passing to the final move out of rv, she made periodic effort to check on me. And from then, she widened my circle, first with M, then with C, both my Sec sch classmates. I thought, to many, I 'disappeared', yet somehow, I was remembered. In fact I was quite taken aback by the things C remembered, the books we read, the 'strange' things i did....ahh.... lovely school days....so yes, now that one advanced to a different phase, friendship that survived knocks and trials....is appreciated....in many ways, whilst we differed, yet our values converged....thanks to our alma mater....its really funny when we talked about our teachers....urm sounded like how the kids talked about theirs.....

June is always a time to meet up with EL which is always alot of exchanges, mostly on educational aspects....again, sigh, not intitiated by me....EL was my senior in uni days, then colleague in my second school for ten years, and when i left, she said to me, there wont be a good bye, we will remain friends....and so we did.... i owe much to her loyal friendship, for she ensured that i had proper lunch throughout the turbulent time in those years......yes, another friend that dated back more than 3 decade...

and yes, friends of recent years remain valued, as are the kids from blss esp kt....and nushs...., i guess the constant postings say it all....., every meeting, every communication is valued..... 

my regret is, i lost touch with many of the kids from my inital 15 years of teaching..... i wasnt in a frame to want to be in touch....and did not reply the many letters and emails.....those were years of silence in every sense of the word.....and the very few that wont give up, and keep calling, and writing...these few are still in the circumference of contact....

at 'family' end...i guess i hadnt done well here, though i did managed to meet up with lp and took her and S1 for dinner, and should be meeting up with P n C....and maybe B1? sigh....lack motivation....and there is still sst, whom i would wish to be in touch....

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Sad events...

two deaths....the first hit me very hard, harder than people realised.....

the second...the inevitability of the final phase....my over-riding concern is for ls....and i am thankful that as at this moment, ky and ls had maintained stability. Which is no small consolation to me.

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Pre-occupation....

i was thankful to clear off one after another of the 'tasks' i got myself entangled....and sigh, am still working to clear one more 'task', which needs 30 hours more of work....and it isnt the kind of work i like...requires meticulousness....o well, got to finish it by end aug hopefully...

then the assignment for my last module, which is going to be quite a project, and

sigh....dissertation....i have this feeling L is really unhappy with me by now...sigh.....hopefully, the year end report will bear better tidings in this respect....

but my main challenge is to see how far i can help 78 kids pushed past their threshold....as at this moment, the strategising has paid off ~ the groundwork has been laid, its now keeping motivation, and building momentum....this is likely to be the last time i am going to get myself in this 'exam pursuit' goal system of such a scale, so i intend to do it very well. Its going to be a 4 month marathon, and i hope the kids will want to do it well...and want it more than me....

alot can be accomplished in 4 months...but alot can be de-railed as well....so actually this is my main pre-occupation and focus....and at this moment, i will only say, i am quietly hopeful and confident....but, alot remains to be seen.... 

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Future?

not thinking about it at all. Apart from the clearing of the random tasks, and the main preoccupation that will end oct, the completion of the dissertation is the only thing in sight.

i am quite at peace and at ease with having no path in sight. i have to admit i rather like not being bound, though it is at a price. Even when work piles, i dont push myself like i did before, and that made things less stressful....

i am however in need of alot of exercise....hadnt had time for a single walk......

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Overall, i am thankful, very thankful.......the mercies of the Lord endureth forever.