Auntee

I will begin by relating a meeting with a parent some years back. I like parents teachers meeting. I enjoy meeting parents, to hear them talk about their children, not to tell them about their children. I try to see as many of them as possible, just to understand their kid. Frankly whether they do well or not is incidental. Education is about working together to see the growth of the child, not to discuss "numbers" that become the fixation of many. I agree in some meetings, it is sad. On each occasion however, I would always have a case where I am filled with awe and respect....and this is one of them.

The parent being busy, it was arranged on a weekend. The kid involved is a very lively, interesting, mischieveous kid, whom I am no longer in contact. There is alot to learn from this family, who knew pain and life's dealings. But the parent has set an example in the face of adversities that has steered his family to happiness. I wont go into details, but what left the lasting mark in my mind of this parent was this thing he said of his child.

When we were discussing the positive affective development of the child, he said, yes, he also observed the same. He said, when we passed the security guard just now, the child, greeted the security guard 'Uncle" spontaneously and asked him how he was. The parent said, he took great consolation and pride when he observed that. He always teach his children, it is very important to treat those who are lesser well, and show courtesy and kindness to them. Seeing his child do it so naturally is a source of pride to him. Better than any results. Many parents will relate stories of the attainments of their children. But to him, this is a true attainment.

This is values education. This is good upbringing. I respect this family immensely. How many "educators" bother to greet those who serve?

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In that, let me credit my parents for bringing me up very well. From young, we had to address any elder auntee, uncle, big sister, big brother, whether they be sweeper, cleaner, postman, market hawkers, waiters, waitress ...... I am totally not a social person, but, will make the effort particularly for those who serve.

In most of the schools I taught, I somehow seem to have the affinity with the supporting staff of this nature or with canteen vendor. The first was the drink stall vendor, G, an indian, who took care of drinks of teachers.  In those days, vendors brought the drink into the staff room. I was sickly then, and he would insist of me taking fresh milk, and warming up for me, especially when he realised I had severe gastric. He cried when I left. When I knew he was ill in hospital, I visited him, and he cried when he saw me, and said, I knew you would come if you knew....true, i went as soon as i did hear the news...I felt very much for him knowing he was poor, but I was hardly making ends meet at that time, and couldnt help him. He died, i think barely 40 with a few kids......

In the second school, there was also a lovely auntee who retired when she had a stroke...and the printer, mr ong, who died in service.....

At the present place that I am in, the sweeper of the school compound, a cute, elderly Malay man,  took pains to 'direct' my car to 'help' me park....and in turn, I would show I appreciate it.  He was always so happy when he see me drive in. He would wave excitedly at me, and made me feel, there is someone who welcome me. I made it a point to look out for him, and greet him.

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Auntee is the lady that keeps the staff room tidy in my fifth school. I used to be in school very very early...., in my madness, sometimes at 5.  Auntee was around at 6 plus. She would always hum a hymn, go to the church nearby, before coming back for work. I was actually then, not very communicative, but never lost my upbringing in respect of  those who serve.

This lady is very remarkable, and after some time, she would make special chinese herbal drinks which she gave selectively to whom she will. Honestly, I didnt want to be the selected few, but her persistence, and genuine concern was touching. Through the years, she would relate much about her family, and showed us photos of her children and grandchildren.

At the back of my mind, I couldnt understand why she was still doing the menial task as her children appeared to be well off. So, I wondered if there were some other factors that she didnt share, though she was always so positive, happy and optimistic. But I knew she does have a special spot and concern for me, and some others who related well with her. In fact, she had asked me to go with her to UK where her son is, and spent a month or so there. It was really very sweet of her.

Recently, I heard that she had some health issues and had been on leave for a period. After some arrangement, 3 of us took her out for tea a few days ago. She was as chirpy as ever. This was not the first time we had done so. In fact the third time. There is always a spontaneous agreement, each time there is a suggestion, lets take auntee out, and there is never any hesitation with respect to finding time, no matter how busy. ..3 of us are in 3 different schools. 

It was good to see her. She embraced me when she saw me, and we embraced again, when we parted....
The previous time, she told us about her romance story. I remembered that was a 3 hour session, and it was so interesting and meaningful. This time, she told us of her 6 children and 17 grandchildren, and she also had a maid to take care of things at home for her and her husband.

I was astounded, and I said to her, why are you working as a cleaner when you have a maid at home? She laughed and said, she wants to occupy her time, and she enjoys what she is doing. How many will enjoy menial tasks and find it meaningful?

She had retired as a security guard (yes a lady security guard at ntu , she had stories of how to catch and kill snakes!) and had joined the cleaning company and enjoyed her work in the school. Her children did want her to stop, but she doesnt see why she should.

What a lady! She told us of how she served at the old folks home every weekend, and had been slapped by bad tempered old folks. She told us of how she helped person on the road wherever she is, and whenever she could. She told us of her pain not to have made it in time to see her mum last days, as she had 6 children to manage then and could not travel to Malaysis where her mother was..... and how she walked out of her darkness after months of grief.

Then she looked at me, and said, I knew what you were going through, although you wont say anything. And she understood, that I couldnt say anything.  This was the first time she said that to me, and I was really touched.

I didnt realise there was someone actually watching for me at that time. Yes, i really couldnt utter anything of that searing pain. One only understands when one has gone through. But, I also remembered at that time, I did have alot that did care for me. My very considerate and kind friend and neighbour, ld. My kids who always greeted me cheerfully. And many others who showed they cared by small gestures, getting me out for lunch, tea, ice-cream....

Here is a shining testimony of a lady of worth. She is a catholic, and whatever she did, she did it unto the Lord. This is a lady of humanity, little formal education, but in terms of true education, she beats us all. To her, everyone has a place, she did not judge work as menial or high status, nor does she feel inferior in any way. This is a lady of alot of guts, who when she was bullied in her previous job, took the brunt, and stood up for her rights.

There are people you need to meet up because of circumstances. There are people that you meet up with to catch up. But there are people that meet for no other reason than that there is a bond, like its natural for family members to meet. I am not comfortable with anyone, but with her, and the two friends, former colleagues, there is always this comfortableness. The four of us formed four different generations as each of us are at least ten years apart, but common bond, common humanity, common care , and most importantly, common values that bind us....where there is true bond, there is no generation gap. I almost felt these are my family members, and really regard them so. 

I feel awfully privileged to know her, and to know so many of her colourful life stories,.... And I really respect and value my two other friends, for their true humility and compassion in caring for those that seemed lesser in status, for their patience in being true listeners to hear what seemed to be of no 'economic' value to others; for their warmth and humanity. I have always respect and regard them highly for their intelligence, ability, and educational principles. And I respect and value them most for their values.

Action speaks louder than words is truly exemplified in these my 3 lovely friends. And age is no barrier. All of us, will attribute it to good parental upbringing which we have imbibed, respecting all, with particular concern for the lesser. This is noblesse oblige indeed.