3 Jan 2018

Visited Uncle Tan's herbs farm as arranged last week with ky and Mr Tang. Its really quite far, 1 hr by mrt and another 20 min via cab. It would have been just a visit except that Mr Tang had told UT about my condition and somehow he expected me to consult him. I am not one that go about seeking for this/that remedy. In fact el told me about some essential oil remedy and tn also down with the same issue as me. Whilst I truly believe in the effects of natural herbs etc, I am very hesitant of all the claims of remediation.

Very kindly, he gave me plenty of advice including concoctions. I did feel I should give it a try though I have reservations in some things. I would have liked to find a place of restfulness in the rurality and had hoped this would be a provision. Apart from the fact that it is far, I guess I am not so inclined to go to someone who has people coming in to consult for various ailments. I do think he is gifted with his knowledge of herbs and there is much to learn and imbibe. Its probably I am uncomfortable with unverified claims. Nevertheless I have given my word to come for at least a couple of times to help him with some translation as a form of voluntary work and also to see how I adapt to the 'countryside' of Singapore.

Went to zap partly because of some parking summon issue but would have done so as i would not want to take anything without consultation with zh. He wasnt in the best of mood from my observation but he definitely has wisdom and balance. He is aware of 2 out of the 3 herbs mentioned in the concoction and pointed out that there is a need for me to watch against allergy and level of toxicity /effect that may be present in the remaining herb that is mainly tropical which he is not familiar. He is actually very knowledgeable and usually does not speak beyond what he knows. He agreed I should give it a try, but would prefer if I know how many cases the concoction work for and not just his claim. I agree but then....well, its not possible. But still the herbs which we both checked is for the purpose it claims.

Zh put up an article in wechat of a senior doctor questioning the concept of early detection and early treatment of cancer based on statistic analysis. Yes, I realised hard as I fight, I am also mentally trapped within the framework of statistics and general trend. Though I have managed to stand on my ground against the many aspects of medical sciences that I am not uncomfortable with, nor do I wish ever to do any surgery again if I can help it, I have been unable to shake off the weight of the 'knowledge' of the general scope and 'expectations' of the disease. Zh has always said that medical science should focus on patient and not disease. That he continues to hold against the tide. That I have come across someone that upholds what I wish for more than myself, I am very blessed. I know his unhappiness over my constant trapped state. I hope to be able to break out of it, and cope with the discomforts positively and not be bound by issues of survival outcome etc. I remember that I had always question that. Now I must live it. Even if it be so that things spiral down, it would be that my health fails to fight against the disease. I would need to be more conscientious and pull myself together to work on having a healthy frame mentally and physically.

Above all, I feel the goodness of the Lord to cause me to trust in him in his provisions and to help me not to be trapped by hospital system and the present medical science system. May the Lord be merciful to me to grant me wisdom and courage, and O cause that my life would still bear fruit, and that I would yet be a blessing to others.

Did not feel too brilliant today cos I think in pulling my shoulder yesterday, it had caused a band of discomfort that may be the reason why I was more breathless in more walking. Sleep position also hurts. So is the achy left pelvic. And the same urinary issue. Bloatedness wasnt prominent since I was taking porridge today. Burning mouth syndrome remains distracting. B2 text me about P. Spoke to P. I guess it would take time for him to get out of the rut. At least he is taking it positively.

Ended the day with tuition. What better thing to do than to teach! :)