Thursday, May 31, 2012

The more time spent in planning for others to do,

the less time is left for all, to do the things that need to be done.

the less time left to do the things that need to be done,

even less time is left for for 'growing'....


perhaps if more time is given to 'growing'

will less be needed to be done?

======================


what is obvious is not obvious?


..... or one chooses to be oblivious?


==============================================

In mathematics and economics, any model set up would have some basic assumptions.

When a "growth model" is set up for teachers,

what do you reckon are the basic assumptions?


=============================================

Instead of growth model, how about more role models?


Example is better than precept...


get back to the basics....


go back to classrooms....


========================================

"It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows." Epictetus

Labels:

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Daisy, LS sister, passed on, moments ago....
========================================

powerless resignation of the inadvertent -


in the unyielding power of death....


unmitigating lashings of grief -


torrential anguish of ache-


in the absence of cherished presence....


========================
The Lord comforts they that mourn and are broken in heart....

Labels: ,

quote...

Epictetus


It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.


==================================================
That is the main reason why so few really listen......

Labels:

Friday, May 25, 2012

thoughts...

over the course of this week, in 5 different contexts, two in casual conversation, one by a worried parent, and two in school/classroom context...similar sentiments were expressed...


i used to like the subject xxxx, but now i hate/have a phobia for it....reason? grades....


Tr xxx is super because my grade was yyyy compared to zzzz under Tr www


In all cases, like of subject/teacher is all based on grades....whatever the subject, whatever the age of the student, from 11+ to uni students...


The only common element is, they are Singapore students.


how sad....

and when people blame system/teacher/subject, I dont quite understand either.


I like a subject because i like a subject. I like a teacher because of the quality of the teacher. And when i dont do well.... i know its the way i learnt it, and the effort, and my own lacking, since all things being equal, there are those who could and did do well....


Parents and students alike dont consider the issue of personal responsibility for one's learning. Of course, there is the issue of things beyond their control, that are imposed in by educational institutes....and that i do feel strongly ....


honestly, how many educators, in all their varied posts and roles, really, seriously do conscientious self-examination, of the true educational purpose of their pursuits/occupation? And the more i read, the more i see how ignorant many educators have been (including myself) , but at least, i listen, reconsider, and seek further....


nevertheless, if students and parents think liking a subject/teacher is directly proportional to high grades.... it is very very sad....


ok. this is a pause moment....its really a labour to get that article out....if i managed even to do so....

Labels: ,

results...

actually stayed up to click for results at midnite...only module this sem, and i fumbled quite badly, totally distracted by the unexpected floodgate of work...


at least it is decent ie no worse than other subjects...tho of cos its a pity, as this should have been one of my best...but give the serious overlook of a segment, that i didnt get worse is a relief....


so one last one in june....interesting one, but i may not have the technical skills to complete the assignment well, though i already have some idea, and an unusual one. :) So in some ways, i am really looking forward to it, as i intend to take an artistic slant, away from the mundane of academics!


will really miss the end of the classes....it was a good communication of mind and....ya, a stretch of the intellect....


=========================================
meantime, i am struggling, really really struggling with this 10000 word article....i managed a few hundred words over a week...despairing, and really mad with myself for not being firm and getting out of it!

=========================================

A note about release of results.....


when i was a kid, results of national exams were published in newspapers....


then it changed to getting it in printed form from schools....


but at uni, whether u cleared or not, was published at the notice board of the student liasion office....


and yes, when it was disastrous, it was really tragic....


So now, in the comfort on the home, a click of the mouse, and lo and behold at 12 midnite, results are 'published' so privately.....yes, its a luxury!

==========================================

i cant colour my font ever since something funny happend to my laptop!!!! help!

Labels:

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

感慨

yes, today's visit was pre-arranged, but i thought it would be just one of those random things... frist of all, the arrangement was kind of unexpected, and actually, i anticipated a cancellation.... after exams...well, not a time for anyone to remember you... and apart from 2 names, i didnt know who would be coming....


so even though i did make the afternoon free, it was not with much thought on my part. In that sense, that made their thoughtfulness refreshing. It was a small gesture, but that they bothered to schedule it in and wanted to schedule it in(!), and came up with a cake and accidentally became the first that sent thoughtful wishes....


at a time of low frame, everything was sweeter....every year, it is not easy to pass through this period since mum went. Last year, wc card came in at the start of the month, and that was a deep consolation. Given the long long tunnel, yes it was a very deep consolation. At least one reconciliation....but i digress...


each time i see the kids, i know how much i missed them. there is so much that i want to pass on, to help them through their journey... and i guess, whats most gratifying is, they want to listen....



i guess, it matters alot at this time cos the ground is so hard where i am.... and to say, i am not worried that i may labour in vain would be a lie. But i know talk is cheap. If u dont put in the labour, if u dont make the sacrifice, all the pontification and theorization is a sham. Come june, it would mark a year of cecilia's passing. I remembered why i took this path for this year. I will continue therein....and hope....somehow, somehow....it would help some kids....if it is just one of them....yes, i am shaken in some ways, but i am resolute in ploughing on.... i did not choose the path because it is easier or better... i knew what would be install....but it has been much harder....



so yes, this lot of kids coming at this time, seeing their earnestness, their enquiry, their pathways, and feeling their genuine care...and it happened to be in this month of may... yes....it matters alot...


and it brings alot of 感触 and 感慨.....聚了又得散。。。散了何日聚?



i always want to teach to the end of my days.... i really want to impart.... but i realised time has really changed... and i am also not prepared to conform either....



No system of education is going to convince me that it is existing in the system that makes one an educator.....


==================================

whatever... though this visit brought bittersweet pain....alot of poignancies .....but, it was really touching. sk was touched also....yes, rare for kids these days, esp after i have left....



and tmr, the blss boys...this has been postponed several times.... and i am looking forward to that also....



==================================
o let me live meaningfully to the end...and when my strength is gone, let me not be a burden to anyone...this is my one and only wish....

Labels: , ,

Sunday, May 20, 2012

quote...

This quote appeared in my daily quote subscription:


"The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of."


Elegant and poetic. But that was not the reason why I was struck.


This quote was ascribed to Blaise Pascal. I learnt about him in my early Secondary school days both in physics with respect to pressure, and in math, pascal triangle....



Is this the same man? To me, he was that talented scientist and mathematician, amongst the elite in his field...too scientific to write something so poignant.



So, I read up his biography.... yes, its him.

==============================


Actually, unless one battles through it himself or herself, none will know that intensity of conflict and anguish in deep religious issues.


That was a generation that seek more deeply, not distracted by superficial electronic diversions that numb the mind....



dabrowski was really perceptive in his observations of gifted individuals and confirmed it by his research studies.... reading of pascal, of emily dickinson, of beethoven, of van gogh... actually, many of these gifted individuals, in whatever field they are gifted, really suffered for their gifts...with their deep intensity of thoughts and emotions...


============================


there is no answer to many things in life.


I am only thankful, to know, The Lord is my Shepherd, who leadeth me beside still waters.....

Labels:

Thursday, May 17, 2012

what i want my students to learn....

i want my students to learn...


that intrinsic motivation is more important than surface result....



i want my students to learn...




to believe in themselves ....that they can,,,



i want my students to learn...




to know what they do not know, and realise the need to strengthen their weakness....




i want my students to learn...





to have a sense of pride in themselves ....they do it because they want to... not because there is an 'or else'...




i want my students to learn...



that hard work is necessary, there is no short cut....



i want my students to learn...




that a seeming negative growth does not mean there is no turning in the desired direction....keep at it....



And i want my students to learn this,



not just for a phase.... but for a lifetime...



===========================

i believe,



i really believe,



that there is a spark that is in each child, that can be ignited....



that there will be a reciprocal return of trust ....



whether ultimately, i am going to be let down....



i WILL hold on to my belief to the end....

Labels: , ,

Saturday, May 12, 2012

cognitive vs affective

This issue has been on my mind for very long....it probably started more than ten years ago remotely, and have sharpened significantly over the past year...


i remembered dk once remarked to me, if a student needs a teacher in order to do well, the teacher has failed. ( or something to that effect).


i was duly offended. I was then the super teacher, who was the key factor to my students performance in math. Students tell me how much they need me especially when the exams got nearer etc etc etc....So, by dk's 'definition', i have failed. And i disagreed with his view strongly then.


one of my greatest strength, is, i value criticism, especially if it opens up perspectives entirely different from mine. And of cos, i value dk.


Those words remain in my mind for a long time, and i gradually see what he meant. Knowledge is objective. Thinking should be objective. And i now tell my students, if you can only do math because of me, then, i have failed.


========================================
What is cognition?

"Cognition is a term referring to the mental processes involved in gaining knowledge and comprehension, including thinking, knowing, remembering, judging and problem-solving."


Cant remember where i extracted this definition from, an internet source. I realised if i help students to develop their own mental processes, so that they can apply them independently and effectively, that is a greater job than being the 'reason' for their 'working hard', or their 'studying for me'. The first will abide. The second will not sustain, and i did see it...how kids who scored well, by sheer 'affective' and dependence on teachers, falter when put to the test later on....


i also saw how unreliable 'popularity' rating is. But that i saw from the very start. I therefore am uncomfortable when students 'like' me as a teacher because i am 'nice'. 'nice' is a description of a person, not a description of the effectiveness of the transfer of knowledge, values or experience.



Results of course is never reliable, and whilst data tells something, what the something is, need to be very carefully analysed. A set of data showing good results doesnt mean anything, as it depends on a lot of factors. Similarly, a set of data showing abysmal results point also to a whole range of factors. And many of the factors are the result of earlier causes, which the present has to take responsibility for.


i note that there are so many comments about the teaching profession, especially those touted on mass media, and all focus on heartstring pull....the affective aspect. I am not for one moment saying that is not important. It is very important.



But it is an over-sell, leading to teachers being 'pre-occupied' with 'problems' , activities, events....and focusing on affective issues...



yet i still feel, the primary reason for students to be in school, is to develop their mind, and if possible, elevated to a noble platform, and with their mind, and heart, serve the society. It is the mind, ultimately, that, weighs both sides of issues, and sets the direction.



I fear the constant emphasis of 'caring', 'nurturing' without a corresponding hard work to engage the thought processes will have its due backlash in 'education' as it is already seen, if one wants to see....
of course the counter argument is the emphasis on results which is the key to the next phase of pursuit is ample evidence that cognitive aspect is very much valued in the education system.


My reply is, is it? Results, at all cost, is valued. Not sure about thinking processes.


I thought the foreign experts in transportation issues gave us a good slap in the face at the SMRT Inquiry, proposing remediation steps that is, 'common-sensical'.


Common-sense is a thought process, which most people know, is not common, at least not in many local context. I wont add further.

Labels: ,

Sunday, May 6, 2012

looking back...

i do have a habit, in low bouts, to read back what it was like a year, 2 years ago... and did do so...

when i read through the posts, i can see that i have actually came through a long way....i also felt many were poignantly expressed...and i could feel as it was then...

why is 08303/09403 so special? i dont really know... actually at the start, i thought they didnt like me... i also dont know how we hit off... but i know it was because 09403 was to come to an end, that i was persuaded to keep 'in touch' via a blog...so december 2009, the birth of this blog....

and when the end of 2011 came, and the kids were going to leave nush, that i agreed to having an fb account to better keep in touch....

this blog has really been the life-saver for me....my companion, and a helpful sounding board... i am grateful to have capture the memories and the many passing thoughts....

life ahead will probably be 清淡。As the years go by, the kids will grow up and each looking for their own destiny....each time, as i record my thoughts in this place, i will always remember them...

Thanks. Many thanks.

Labels: ,

Saturday, May 5, 2012

深处的感受

in the gradual scaling down of activity before another avalanche ( exam papers in next week + coding deadline + the heavyweight writing deadline looming), i am keeping my mind kind of blank during this interim......by doing math comp questions....

actually however difficult math is (different thresholds for different people), it is really not comparable to life issues. So yes, doing math is a destressor for me...

======================
its terribly painful to hear of the immense suffering of ls sister, in this final phase ... somehow, it shouldnt be this way....it this medical science? i fear the worse is yet to be.... before the end......its going to hit ls very hard....these few weeks are going to be difficult....very difficult...

======================
of all the things in life, i find losses of people close to you the most unbearable. i can take alot of setbacks, alot of disappointments, hardships, non-recognition (that is awfully hard to take, actually), but pain of losses cripple the being....to me, its far worse than physical pain...

i have suffered many many losses in this respect....
some losses i initiated.... had to...or at least i felt i had to....the most painful of all was that in 1982...dont know how i did that then, sheer will power.......i did wonder sometimes whether i should have......that was the only time in my life that i was the true me......but then.......


well, here, i learnt the meaning of the saying, it is better to have love and lost than not to have loved at all

some losses, others felt they had to....i had to bear it......and the most painful 2003....23 years of friendship....but it could not take the onslaught of flood and storm......a reconciliation i hoped that never happened.... the deepest regret that i have to bear to the end......

some losses by the inevitable...the end of life.... first dad 1999, then mum, 2010....

these days when T n B are unwell, i wonder whats going to be like, to be alone without them... its going to be awful.... but i take great consolation that i gave them a wonderful life.... showered with care and love, and many friends that love them...actually they are pretty well known! :)

i have known pain, pain, and pain.....at least, i have not been engulfed in them... at least, i had continue to live for others....

========================
by june, i should finish all the tasks that i should have been firm, and said No, and not have undertaken. But well, i didnt, so i still got to complete them....

after june, i should just be left with the kids at sch till oct...then the end of one episode.....

then just the dissertation......

after these past months of wondering and pondering, i am more or less planning toward retreating into reclusion. over this time, i do know for certain, the inclination of my heart, what i really would want, espcially after having tried out the various paths.

But, i do not want to have conflicts. I guess, thats me. Put everything in the balance, i value simplicity and tranquility.

Alot of things in life are unfair. In fact, almost everything. Like what i had told my kids, the fact that you are born in this or that family, that you are born in this country or that country, totally beyond your control, in itself, life is unfair. So, why keep griping, this or that is unfair?

Some people fight to 'get out' and dont care who they hurt as long as they determine their pathway to success. Some lived their life in resignation, blaming everything and everyone.
Some live their lives carelessly, only living for the moment, expecting things to work out for them the way they want.
Some live their lives, always considering for others, over-thinking, over-doing, over-compensating.

Personally, i feel i have lived my life. I belong to the last category. I dont know to be happy, and dont know how to 争取。I try, really try. But i just dont know how, and will never know. I have to plan, even to this day, to look after others, and that for life. But I dont know of anyone who has planned to look after me....not even my own parents.....

I cant deny I have been very disappointed over many things. But I have always been clear of my object in whatever things i do, and insofar as the good is done, however things turned out, thats ok....i may feel hurt, but i know other have benefited.

but i dont think i need to continually 付出。why should i think i can make any difference?

I have done my duty in this life. I am looking to the next. Its not that i do not worry, what if, my days should be much longer than i want.......another ten, twenty, thirty years in aloneness and loneliness would be awful. Quite awful. But, i cant command it. I can only submit myself to him to whom belongs the issues of life and death, and wait patiently for the coming of the Lord.
==============================

deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy watersprouts....


========================

Labels: ,