No More ZEROES!!!

The lecturer for this module announced today that the quiz scores will be averaged for the 5%z. YES!!!!

Of the 6 of us in our specialisation, only one did not get zero, and we made the same 'error'. So well, I am glad they are ratifying. I am happy most of all, because the principle of assessment was applied. :D:D:D

And against all odds, I finished my 40% essay on the dot 555pm! I guess it can always be further improved, but there is a sense of satisfaction because I did do my best. From the start, the lecturer stressed that this is a student-driven assignment, and indeed it is. How far you want to go, how rigourous you want to be in your search, how deep you want to explore is self-determined. And that is what made the learning enjoyable. Also I really have very nice coursemates, who are very supportive, encouraging and genuine.

Given the juggle between work and study, I am happy that I have come this far, and yet have time to be with the kids. Next month will be another marathon, and next deadline is 28 October.

Most of all, it is the final sem with the kids.... and year sixes are graduating soon..... I am not going to think of the things I will really miss...I want to value them whilst being with them.

NOTHING again!

Consider the statements below:

the use of literature to justify the research problem.

the use of literature to support the need for research questions.

Which shows the difference between qualitative and quantitative research?

To me, every research NEED research questions. So the use of literature reflects the research problem , and hence support the need for research questions. Hence the second statement cant show the difference between the 2 forms of research.

The key difference apparently is in the research problem vs research questions. I should have focused on key terms "research questions" arising from literature for quantitative research, and not have tried so hard in understanding and analysing the sentence meaning. So the student that identify key words will get it correct. How ironic!

This kind of semantic twist to award a conscientious learner with zero when one got 4.5 correct out of 5 correct is HARD to swallow! Even given that I have been ignorant and grossly wrong, do i deserve zero for a half error?(for those who are curious, one of the questions require ticking 2 answers).

I half wonder, is it because the system cannot compute 5% out of the total score (due to????) or there is a lack of knowledge of assessment purpose. I can think of more acerbic words, but i guess it suffices to make my point.

losing composure, whatever provocation, is uncalled for...and again it happened....

Very disappointed with myself.....one really shouldnt care too much....i know deep inside, i reacted not to what is, but what i saw, could be if left uncorrected.... but it is a fact that u cant change everyone....and there are other ways of doing so. of all people, u should know!

and yet i had only just told myself, in the days ahead, i would be contented if it only helps but one ......

the storm is gone without....but what desolation within....the lack of harmony perturbs me....is my decision rite?

i am sad....maybe its all the medication... but i am really very very very sad. :(

ebb and thoughts

have to grind to a halt by today...the chronic migraine is driving me nuts......what kept me going was the determination to complete the course with the kids.. but the head is really feeling totally weird after 2 weeks of battle....

Jus got back from doc with a medley of 4 types of painkillers. Crazy. But i am quite judicious with them. If i get to sleep really well, it will help.

at least i finished all the marking, which made me feel very good! Unfortunately i have not started a word of the 2500 word essay due in a week's time. sigh!

=============
sometimes one knows one's innermost thought most, at the ebb of one's strength....

at the end of my strength, what do i really want to have accomplished? i remembered my classmate who passed on 3 weeks ago...and that moment of evaluation when i knew of the shortness of time....

and at this point, of ebbing energy....waiting for that suppressed pain to be quelled.... i am at peace with myself.
Rationalisation, heart and intuition are finally aligned in the same direction....consistently for the last 3 weeks.

Yes, i decided not to follow counter-intuitive advice. That was quite a wrestle mainly because the advice came from true friends i realy really value. Especially tk, who probably is one of the very few that knows me very well, and for over 3 decade....

i sought counsel to carefully evaluate perspective that i may have missed...and i am grateful to know the heart and care of friends for my welfare....

.... there is no right or wrong course....perhaps wise or unwise...but to whom?

============
I see people taking the shape of the mould of ugliness in the name of achievement and efficiency. How ugly!

I dont want to be part of it.

when u dont have it, u can only put up a show of words with emptiness reverberating..

....pitiful, really very pitiful...for all that exterior facade of success and gain....how poor and pathetic!

============

Values is not a facade. It flows from the inner being. And you can see the beauty even in sparseness and coarseness..... i hope, many of my students will have this insight....

i will take the way less trodden. I perceived too many things.... my spirit is too independent.... I wrote before about freedom of spirit a year ago, in july.... yes, thats me....

it is more blessed indeed to give than to receive!

discrete good and systemic good

" The key to wisdom in these circumstances is to make the distinction between discrete good and systemic good. When you are in the grip of a big, complex mess, you have the power to do discrete good but probably not systemic good."

The fallacy of Plannng
Dr Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow.

This is found in pg A39 of ST, yesterday, The Fallacy of Planning.

My thoughts: All the more, if you are NOT in the grip, then all you can do, is small discrete good. Waiting for systemic good will not happen.

===========================
And if you are reading this, read also from ST yesterday (17 Sept)
Marine Hero gets top award (C16) and A small town's send-off to the fallen (C17)

This is what i respect: courage, compassion and independent individuality for the common concern and good of all. When will Singapore society remotely come near to such a level of humanity?

选择

艰难与舒适， 熟悉与陌生， 你会怎样选择？

有人曾经问过我， 原则一斤值多少？

虽然我热忱于理想，一向以原则为方针， 但要作决定时，

还是须经过心灵的激烈争扎.

是的，要放弃，真的万分的不舍。

理想从不是没代价的。 原则更是无价。

友人都劝我三思。 毕竟已不年轻。 以后的日子没人有把握。

而我又是孤单的一个人，是该先为自己打算。
==============================

我心里的抱负，很少人能理解........
========================
说我没忧挂，是自欺。

但，正因时光短暂， 精力有限，更须趁还能付出时， 尽一点义务。。。
我犹豫，是因为怕艰难？是怕精力不够，无成果？是不想失去？

是的。

我是怕艰难， 怕精力不够，帮不到，无成果。

也是很不想失去。
========================离别的滋味好难受。 孩子们已长大了。
=======================
一个人无论在任何阶段，都需作选择，作决定。
新的路程是需要勇气。 内心的挣扎是要克服。
我不寻求名利， 只希望能活得比较有意义。

可能我的选择是不理智。或许还有些愚蠢。
至少我尝试过，鼓起勇气，踏入另一个阶级，往理想的方针行程。

自己一个人也不会有拖累。往后的日子， 简朴的过，应不成问题。

=======================
赐我力量，往前行，尽我的义务。。。

All or Nothing

Was going to bed, then saw this caption "All or Nothing" on someone's blog, and that triggered this entry....

One of my modules, has this 'All or Nothing' mcq assessment. There are 5 of them, so each mcq is worth 1%. There are 4-5 questions per session, and it is a 'All of Nothing' quiz, which means what it means i.e. you either get all correct, or you get zero even if you get only one wrong.

I am really annoyed with this method of assessment, though of course I do know the teacher is 'All-powerful' to dictate any method of assessment. For adult learners, will things change if parents write in to complain????

I am bad at mcq, for a variety of reasons, but definitely not because I am dumb!!!!

First of all it is an online quiz, and since we dont have time to take it in the day time, by the time i get to take it in the night, it is usually quite near the finishing time. Ok, granted, I usually only revise 'as conscientiously' as i can about half an hour or so before undertaking it, but well, i make the attempt.

ok, and granted that i am usually not careful enough (sigh!), but the main stumbling is, i 'over-think': does it mean this? Or does it mean that? There are linguistic subtleties and interpretation of circumstances.

And then, I dont quite take online quiz that seriously....then again, I am never one that takes exams too seriously...its not sieriously me.

So, ok, i got 3 out of 5 and that means I got zero! This is NOT a one to one function!

It is NOT nice to get zero for your first quiz you know! So, yesterday, during the break of the evening lecture, I went to my lecturer.....

and asked him, I got 3 out of 5, that means I got zero?

And he said, thats correct.

So I said, it means if i attempt it, and got some, but not all, correct, i get zero; if i dont attempt it, i also get zero; so i get the same mark whether i attempt it or not?

And he said, thats correct.

So I said, well, then, maybe there is no point attempting it?

And he said, well, I think, it is good that you still attempt it.

I nearly wanted to ask, why....I didnt, cos i know as a teacher, I would say, learning is more effective when one learns from ones mistakes. Why did i got up to him, when the answer is obvious to me? Because I am a student, so I am entitled to ask these questions to 'bring home a message' ??? Whatever, it just gives me some 'pleasure' to make my point.

Sigh.... i am almost resigned to losing this 5%. Getting a perfect score just isnt me! I got a B+ in the module prior to this, and did hope to upgrade one level for this module. Now the hope is really slim cos the essay is harder, and so would be the exam! I have to hope my grade is not the pronunciation of my name!!!! :( :(

Define....

Define

Intuition

Insight

Perception

Acumen

Instinct

life is short...

i dont usually buy newspapers. now and then the sat papers, as i did yesterday. And then, i didnt have the time to read it, was rushing for another presentation.... Finally about nearly 2am, more or less, i think i have prepared the crux.... so bedtime.

I thought, flip thru the papers... and that was when i saw the obituary. I knew her. She was my classmate. I was quite certain yet not certain. I was quite disturbed....

this morning, i text kuech to confirm. Yes its her. Cancer. Kuech said she didnt go as she had not spoken to her since school days, but some of our classmates did. I didnt know at all. My fault cos i chose to be out of touch. Kuech and mag are my remaining line of contact.

She was one of the 7 doctors from my class. I knew her from primary school days. She was not someone that would be noticed. But i remembered her well cos she was an average kid at the start, but by the time she reached P6, she took over the top in standard position from me, and from then, she worked hard to achieve. I cant remember when was the last time i spoke to her, definitely more than 20 years ago at least. I cant say she is someone I would be able to relate to, but she is self-motivated, and she became a doctor.


What hit home was, she died. My classmate. My age. I think it hit Kuech too. She text, life is short....


========================================


Many things came to mind....

In being seclusive, I had not kept in touch with some very nice people amoung my classmates and friends. I feel bad that I should only hear of them, at their passing....I must find time for people....


One realised that one is nearer to that final post. I asked myself, if that should be soon, would I have felt I have completed life's journey? I had to answer, No.


There are meaningful things I want to do, but have not..... I must not procrastinate for too long. Short term, for practicality, follow advice, however counterintuitive, and bite the bullet. But long term, i will follow my intuition, and serve meaningfully....hopefully to the end...


And i am still waiting for reconciliation.....


Finally, above all, I am grateful for faith to believe in the Lord. I sought for the truth since young. Life and death matters to me. The meaning of life, and of death. In the course of seeking, i entered into a labyrinth, and it took me more than 20 years to walk out of it. Whatever the systems men built, the Lord and the Scriptures does not change. Is it worthwhile? Yes it is.


Because all that is in this life will come to an end. And how many can say, I know my Redeemer liveth? Yea, though I walked through the valley of the shadow of deah, i will fear no evil: for thou art with me. Psalm 23.4.


I am very grateful to be kept in the faith, though I have been walking almost alone sometimes, for this past decade. Though it would be a lie to say one does not fear the unknown, yet truly, I know the Lord will not fail. All that put their trust in him shall not be ashamed.

====================================================

With what remaining days, live meaningfully for others....

Define...

Define...

personality

character

disposition

temperament

Graduation quotes

Robert Orben

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells
thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that
'individuality' is the key to success.

Many Thanks!

There are many things I wish to say to many of you; i dont need much to make me happy.

and yes, i like the 'sieriously awesome' t-shirt! :D....because it is 403

the beautifully drawn cat which will be treasured....because it is personally drawn.

the hero's pen because it is sweetly 1.20 only, but really brings back fond memories of the times i used a fountain pen...

And every token, EVERY item, EVERY note IS appreciated....EVERY effort to make that difference is really received. Thanks for taking the trouble.....

Just seeing you all being around, with unspoken words for some of you, is really sufficient. Your taking the effort to adjust your time to be there with everyone itself means alot to me... 403 will always be a special family to me, whether we get to say anything to each other....

for the year sixes, as and when you leave.... i hope somehow i will hear news of you... i really wish to know how things unfold for you....

i hope i will have time to reply to some of your notes..... i admit this evening marathon is wearing me out.... i still got 9 more weeks to go.....and must survive....

I just felt i should not plopped into bed without writing this. :)