ebb and thoughts

have to grind to a halt by today...the chronic migraine is driving me nuts......what kept me going was the determination to complete the course with the kids.. but the head is really feeling totally weird after 2 weeks of battle....

Jus got back from doc with a medley of 4 types of painkillers. Crazy. But i am quite judicious with them. If i get to sleep really well, it will help.

at least i finished all the marking, which made me feel very good! Unfortunately i have not started a word of the 2500 word essay due in a week's time. sigh!

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sometimes one knows one's innermost thought most, at the ebb of one's strength....

at the end of my strength, what do i really want to have accomplished? i remembered my classmate who passed on 3 weeks ago...and that moment of evaluation when i knew of the shortness of time....

and at this point, of ebbing energy....waiting for that suppressed pain to be quelled.... i am at peace with myself.
Rationalisation, heart and intuition are finally aligned in the same direction....consistently for the last 3 weeks.

Yes, i decided not to follow counter-intuitive advice. That was quite a wrestle mainly because the advice came from true friends i realy really value. Especially tk, who probably is one of the very few that knows me very well, and for over 3 decade....

i sought counsel to carefully evaluate perspective that i may have missed...and i am grateful to know the heart and care of friends for my welfare....

.... there is no right or wrong course....perhaps wise or unwise...but to whom?

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I see people taking the shape of the mould of ugliness in the name of achievement and efficiency. How ugly!

I dont want to be part of it.

when u dont have it, u can only put up a show of words with emptiness reverberating..

....pitiful, really very pitiful...for all that exterior facade of success and gain....how poor and pathetic!

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Values is not a facade. It flows from the inner being. And you can see the beauty even in sparseness and coarseness..... i hope, many of my students will have this insight....

i will take the way less trodden. I perceived too many things.... my spirit is too independent.... I wrote before about freedom of spirit a year ago, in july.... yes, thats me....

it is more blessed indeed to give than to receive!