End of May 2013

time seems to be passing by rather fast....too fast to be productive...

the highlight of the month has got to be the kids visit yesterday. though it was arranged a week ago, i somehow didnt expect so many, and didnt expect it to be.....so nice. it was only when i saw them, that i realised how much i enjoyed the times with them, and how good it is to be amongst the kids again. i guess because i have left, because it seems remote that i will get back within these 2 years to see them graduate, i try not to think of them. Its when i see them, that i realised how much i missed them. Somehow this batch is very special, and really it is the batch that i enjoyed teaching most because they are really open to learning all the time. I still remembered a couple of lessons where i felt jubilant just to see their eyes lit up with appreciation at the elegance of a proof.....so yes, it was good to see them, all 18 of them. Would have enjoyed it even more without the pounding head! I hope this batch, like the 2011 batch, will keep in touch....looking forward to seeing smaller groups in june. :)

yes, i miss teaching.... but, not any teaching.....

caught up and met up with quite a few people, ex colleagues, old schoolmates. It is always a pleasure esp with old friends. In this category, i have only a handful of them, but they are friends worth the name. Compassionate, idealistic, civic minded....after more than 30 years, that principles and values still mattered to us....really that is a treasure....... and seeing our place in society, to contribute what good possible....we still want to care and serve.....  Like i told the kids, it is not good just to have a sharp critical mind. Together with that, there must be a largeness of heart, to forbear, to accommodate diversities, differences, and to be constructive.

i would wish that i have a greater sense of mission to propel me forward, instead of feeling somewhat directionless. Though i am thankful for the luxury of time to recover from setbacks healthwise and really hoping that there will be more progress with proactive efforts to ratify past liabilities. Have already attained a minor gain in not taking painkillers for headaches for at least 6 weeks except for the flu bout. This is a milestone. Then, there is the much time needed for practices for the piano exam. And yes, i need to get back to that d__________. sigh!  i must be more motivated.

having reached this stage of life with the few friends, we all know also that we are entering into another phase. where the inadvertent lies ahead for one or the other. Have to brace oneself to take the waves of loss as it comes...... especially those that had been special and had stood by through the storms. i know this is life. must endure.

i only wish, whatever little i have, i can give to another generation for them to live meaningfully. as and when i should have the opportunity. while i can.

and for the rest of the time, i try to keep occupied. and wonder how my kids are doing......

so ends May 2013.

non-post

have been rather unproductive, and definitely not helped by having a prolonged sore throat/flu bout. Didnt expect to be down so long when i have lots of rest. Rather disappointed with my lack of resistance. :(

Moods have been sinusiodal, with relatively low amplitude, but wide period. still in the trough phase though! sigh!

Managed to get out today to meet some nice people for lunch. Had cancelled two in the week earlier. It was a refreshing time. Sincere and unspoilt company. Nice. Glad i went.

Actually this would be the time to see some of the kids since exams are over for them, and for ntu as well. But i guess at the moment, the bug is getting the better of me. And as a result, i am really lagging behind...had already postponed one meeting with L, and doesnt seem that the next meeting would be fruitful given the present non-progress. Longer sigh!

I guess insofar as i make nil/minimal progress in what i have to do, i will remain in the trough....so the sinusiod period will stretch......must think how to transform it.....math is useful.....

so is physics. must learn how to insulate myself better....from.....waves of the past....

at the moment, need to get out of this flu-eeed state!

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This post is really a non-post. Just a bracket. I guess i am wrting cos one kid just text me and ask how have i been. And i guess that led to blog visitations. Most of them have stopped writing and some have moved blogs. :(  Sad. I liked to read updates, to know their thoughts, though we all know, well, alot is not said for a multitude of reasons....., still, where words flow, it flow from within.........there is that thread of sincerity with these kids...... 

i find myself thinking they would be 21 next year....have a combine birthday celebration for them? o well....

yes, i miss the kids. i miss teaching.....and age suddenly looms as a huge boulder....

May 2013

today is 5th may ~ actually mum's birthday, though we usually use the lunar date.  Its now the fourth May  that had passed since her passing. by now, yes, the tumult has eased. And so it has been, with all other matters.

if i was to compare month on month, i think this may has been the best and most placid time for a very very very long time. last year, the mood was very heavy because daisy was critically ill, and she left us end of the month, which was a deep blow to ls. i did what i could for her then. The first weekend of may, we usually have some small celebration for her birthday, so, i remembered taking them out to jack's place.

this year, finally, ls, ky and myself have all tide our rough patches, and this helps alot in our bonds. Today, ky and i dished out a mixed grill lunch which we declared is better than jack's place. I am beginning to enjoy cooking more and more. The steak was really good, and with grilled sole fish, and honey glazed chicken, salad, vegetable soup and avogardo milk dessert, it was one of the best home cooked meals we had.

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Cooking is really nice if you have nice people to cook for too. Widening my repertoire as i go along. :)

Had a small gathering also on 1 may, and i did my beef stew and herbal soup. Three of us now take in turn to gather at each other's place for home cooked food after a few weeks or so. This is the third leg at my place. It is that simplicity, that unspoiltness and easement of company that makes the coming together meaningful. I always looked forward to meeting up with them.

Actually these past two weeks and the next few weeks, there seemed to be alot of meeting up. Already had 3 the past 2 weeks, with at least 3 more to go. I guess partly because i have hibernated for quite awhile, so have been out of touch with many. Its nice to be remembered and good to have these catch up sessions. 

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have started some work, and surprisingly, contrary to my expectations, i am enjoying it. The months of putting aside has actually led to fresh perspectives in looking at it. As i start the readings again, there are many things that struck me again. I must say, each time, they do, i am so tempted to write a post on it, but i think....i should focus on what i have to do....

 i hope i keep up the momentum. Seeing L tmr....To do a good job out of it, i should really bury myself in it for the next four months at least. i really hope i will.

At the same time, i need to work at the piano exam....i hope i will be given my choice month, september, so that i have time to get better and make good progress....i am hoping if i clear, maybe, maybe i can really work to grade 8! That would really be an achievement at my age! :) Its not that easy becaues dexterity of the fingers decreases with age.

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healthwise, has been making significant progress....but today somehow is a down day. hope to pick up again soon.

just feeling placid, content, quietly at peace.

For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls. 1Peter 2: 25