Maze...

Yesterday, I heard someone spoke with convictions of the heart. Powerful. Provokes thought. Almost inspire vision.

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Today, lost in maze of thought (Unfortunately not triggered by randomness):

Of predator and prey; of scam and victim; of fraud and folly; of cult, power and systems; of obsessive compulsions and fixations; of personalities and forcefulness; of environment induced frame; of frustrations and resignation;

"Why?" resounds within. Why?

Everyone must be accountable and responsible for their own decisions. Even when traps are set for them to walk therein. This is life. But to invite traps is the height of folly.

Why is the wise sadder than the fool? How long will the fool trust in folly?
Non-materialism should not make one a fool. Kindness to scums is a crime.

Example is better than precept, is only for the thoughtful.
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Exhausted. Mentally.

And Brownee has blood in her pee. She has been moping and whimpering. Monitoring her for now. Reminded of the transcience of life. However long or short they are with me, I have provided the best for them. I hope they keep me company for a longer time, if God wills. I will not have other cats. What is special can never be replaced.

I would wish for eventless life. Monotonous placidity. Or just rest.

Tired. Very tired. I wish for the balm of kindness, if just to listen to silence.

reflection in observations....

when fallacious reasonings are used for verification, is there any weight?

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convictions from the heart are far more powerful than feeble numerical support.

but where results are assumed to be 'the mind', what are convictions from the heart? If you cant tell me where they come from, you never understood what they are.

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borrowed cliche, however eloquent pales against words of true sincerity.

Rehearsed rhetorics never reaches the inward chord.

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simplicity and earnestness are refreshing traits not cultivated by product-oriented, achievement focused system.

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i asked someone what to him is a leader. The reply, a leader must have vision.

answer doesnt appear to be unique. But it struck me. Because behind the words, I saw the experience; the depth of thought; of vision not realised.

Alot was not said. But alot had been said, if one had listened inwardly.

vision is from within. a burning object for the good of those who one leads, for the object of one's love. Deep calleth unto deep. You have it, you will echo from within. Respect for the person rise a notch higher.

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Someone sought me to listen to his dreams. The dreams were woven from interweaving with community, and concern for fellow beings. It wasnt just talk. There was evidence of communication and commitment. There was purpose and object.

There was unrealism; youthful enthusiasm that may wane; impractical sustainability.

But there was dream, the courage to dream, to want to seek for betterment of others.

Dont quench dreams. To achieve dreams, it is how the foundation is laid. And laying of foundation needs perseverence, endurance and determination to take blows of life.

The dreams may fade. But at least you have dreamt, and aspired once to attain to them. And whilst young, you should dream thus, good for you.

Thank you for sharing your dream.

RV is finally ended....

22 years.

This is to record the end of 22 years.
Wordless.
Its over.

if you had taken what i took;
if you had considered what i considered;
if you had cared as i had cared;

you would have known what it cost
these 22 years.

abstract rambling....

a line and curve will never meet if the discriminant of the quadratic formed by one variable is negative.

rationalisation and feelings can never meet when the discriminant factor is negative.

what is the discriminant factor? who can define? but what will never meet will never meet....

Why define?

math states facts that can be proven and have got to be accepted.

life states facts that cant be proven but have got to be accepted.

it is easier to do math....

it gives you that rational front in the midst of a whirlpool of irrationalisation.

12 Feb 2011

This date has always been special because it is sk's birthday.

It took a different meaning from last year. It is the day we buried mum. Again I darent ask sk if she remembers. No need for everyone to feel it. sk was happy enough on her birthday today.

A year after which we put mum to rest, her children and grandchildren should benefit from her. tch asked me to convey to them to cherish what she has left for them, and to remember her kindness to them. tch always saw behind into the soul and heart.

there was bereavement at ml's family over the cny. Whilst settling things with b2 this evening, he remarked to me and sk how complicated things were at her end in the handling of end affairs. He actually said it was so different from how i had handled it, there was coordination and no haggling or argument.

an ironic statement. I am the youngest in the family. Difference of 16 years between the eldest and me. But i think i have justified mum's trust, and had acted according to the spirit of what she would be happy, to keep harmony without compromising principles.

It is not without gratification to hear that acknowledgement. That I had done my duty to mum to the end.

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Was thankful to pick up today. Yesterday was a down day, ended up at the doc again. Preferred this doc who did some explanation.

Yesterday, last year I collected C4. C4 was 'born' 10 Feb 2010. Actually, I didnt treat C4 as well as I treated volks, though it is my first first-hand car. I guess I found it hard to accept that C4 should walk in at the time it did, just when mum is gone. It just somehow didnt seem right. Since then, things were more or less a blur....

I also admit I always did prefer volks.

I am beginning to like C4 more and more. Its time I take more trouble over her. Must start with washing her myself. I never did. There was resistance. Actually inward resistance is often the biggest obstacle to overcome, not the nature or difficulty of a task.

==========================

12 Feb took another turn today. I have settled in more or less and invited friends that had been supportive and kind to me this past year, over to my new place to mark the occasion. Had anxiety over it actually at the start, mainly because i am really not a social person, and personally avoid social gatherings. To have one is really not me.

The concern and encouragement of people help me move forward. It turned out well (to me). There was no strain. Yes, its nice to have the place with friends.

I must say sometimes I wonder if people 'feel sorry' for me being alone and dumb in so many things or condescends to be kind to me because of age. I wouldnt want that. Sigh. The only way is to move on in life with purpose and be positive whatever.

Whatever. Cherish what one has at hand. For whatever reasons, bonds are forged, that they are forged is to be valued. And I value them all very much. Very honestly, a few of them had helped me tide through a precarious time. And I am very grateful.

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Having more or less settled in, the issue of future direction surfaces even more sharply now. Conflicts continue to battle. Decision toggles.

What do I want? Even if I know what I want, would things work out the way wanted. Experience tells me no.

This is life.

And it is not that i can be so certain what i want. On the one hand are ideals held on for almost a lifetime; on the other, a desire for quietude, withdrawal, placidness; and yet another, sentimentalism, valuation of friendship forged...and the fulfilment of a vocation. Yes, all abstract.

Meaningfulness. Contentedness. Can I hold these in all circumstances? By right, I should and not be easily perturbed. That was what Rudyand Kipling epitomised in his poem 'If' of a nobler state of mind.

Agitation, conflicts show a lack of harmony within. Sigh!

To be Fair is Unfair

Some people think things must be fair. As long as it follow their rule.

To be fair, is also known as the equal misery rule.

The point is how many really know how to rule?

One who is truly fair and objective will be respected by all. For such a one, there is no need to set any rule. The higher sense of nobility and consideration will answer to call of duty more than any rule. Because such elements are not within, how can they understand the true meaning of fairness and objectivity?

8 Feb

This date struck a strong chord in my soul...

When I saw sk just now, she was quite happy. There had been some rows at home the past days, so I am glad things are better. I didnt ask her if she remembered. I dont think she did, and I dont want to remind her. She was more concern with getting me to see the doc.

She was never good at remembering dates of this nature. Dad's 15 jan has come and passed. I hadnt made the trip yet to mandai. i will, when i feel better. I had intended to see everyone today, but didnt have the energy, both mental and physical to face things.

A year. Sigh!

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Finally, really feel ill. Came back and slept. Thankfully, I started on my own medication earlier before finally seeing the doc this evening. Cant say i like the doc. Apparently there is this new liquid antibiotics that is supposed to last 7 days(?!).

What I didnt like was to be taken by surprise to take the medication immediately at the clinic. The clinice nurse thought she knew alot, the way she told me what to do. He had said my bronchial was quite bad. Honestly, I had been much worse, so this is not that bad. I like to check up my medicine before taking them. True, western medicine appears to be more effective, but at a price. With ventolin, steriod, strong antibiotics, what natural recovery can I make? But I guess its my fault that I could not fight off the infection.

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I guess nothing feels right when your system is down. The only silver lining of the day was the unexpected arrival of fujitsu tablet! :D

Yes, I got a new one, and my first tablet! Well, I was not decisive about getting it due to many factors, so i was quite grateful to the friend that had got it earlier, configured it, and passed it on to me first as I would need one with the start of nie. Didnt expect it at all to come today, and it was a most welcome arrival. And distraction from the sadness of this day.

Yes, i am using my new toy to type this posting. And if i was asked what i like best of it, i would say it is the picture on the desktop (above). The rays of dawn give hope. The reflections in the waters magnify it. When I saw it, my spirit feels uplifted, especially when I had felt downcast.

Of couse it is quite a thrill to have a tablet. I was supposed to be provided since dont know when. Never mind, not important. I have my own, and it is a new model! Yes! I am much more knowledgeable about broadband, cable, modem, wireless router and can distinguish them! Thanks to those who patiently bore with my dumbness with repeated explanation! I am making progress, and am proud of myself!

Its nice to be sick and yet happy!

===================

8 Feb or otherwise, mum remains in our hearts.

following your own advice...and decisions...

by now, i am really really not well and after finishing an entire bottle of echinacea, i would still have to take antibiotics. I have been asked to see a doctor the last 2 weeks by a few people, but i had hoped to pick up. Realised i dont have enough resilience, and it had been a lull period... work is mounting!!!

some passing events/words today lingered in my mind...and i had to consider seriously...

i recalled my own advice to some of the kiddos and the analogy of the monkey who put his hand (paw?) into a bottle to steal nuts, but couldnt get it out, because he wanted to take so much. Had he take one after another, he would have got what he wanted.

after pondering, i made the decision to take 2 instead of 3 modules at nie. Honestly, i can manage the content, and yes, i enjoy learning, reading and attending the classes. But when i am tired and ill, something has to go. I dont have the benefit of the elasticity of youth to cushion strain. It wasnt an easy decision, cos i really want to complete it within the shortest possible time. But if i cant follow my own advice to others, where is my credibility?

I have always wanted to study, to do a Masters. I enjoy learning. Always did. All my life. But my past lack ideal results always stood in the way. However now, if I complete it asap at a cost to others, even if for a few months, it is not right. To me, it is not.

So I wrote and withdrew, within the evening. I am sorry to do so. But it is the right thing to do. I am still teaching. I owe it to my students to be alert and well. When you know the decision is right, you dont need to ask anyone. This is me. I am decisive, sometimes to a fault. But not in this.

It is not to say, it would not be strenuous still. As a friend pointed out, 2 part-time roles is greater than one full time commitment. I know that. And no, I cant do this for long. And today, I really feel I really need a break, and not at the end of the year....this decision, honestly, i have made. Its carrying it out that is really really hard....

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Tiger and Brownee are wonderful cats. Whilst I am typing this, brownie is sleeping alongside my left, and tiger resting his head on my right foot. They showed so clearly they want to be with me. Its really sweet. And this happen night after night. In the morning, they will tail me in and out until I step out of the place. I will really miss them, when they are gone.

Painful as it would be, yes, it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. They are the best pussies, and full of life and fun too!

Time is not on my side to look for direction for my remaining days. I will only know better after a break...

Random and diverse thoughts....happy 'new year'...

in the stillness of the nite, alot of thoughts come into my mind...

very strangely, when i was walking back after getting some groceries, i remembered being laughed at by some kiddos (13/14 ) some time in 2002/2003 when I asked what is mp3. They make it such a joke, they didnt continue tuition with me. I didnt mind either.

I guess it came back cos to this moment, i still only know how to use a cd player and radio. The new cd player is supposed to be able to connect to mp3/ usb(?). A friend played alot of music from the iphone. I thought it would be nice to collect all the songs I like the same way. But felt too dumb to ask how. I also have loads of photos of the pussies in my hp which i dont know how to download. Had wanted to ask the kiddos, but forgot.

There are people that treat me like 'dumb', as if I was really a relic; explaining some 'basics' is too much an effort. I took it and smile my way through and laugh with them. To me, you can laugh all you like at my seeming backwardness and ignorance. It speaks volumes of yourself.

There are those also who has been very kind, and patient, and help me breach the gap. I really appreciate.

Why I am so 'behind', there are causes...a large part of my life that i never want to remember much. Anyway why bother to explain?

Life leads different people in different paths. I may seem to 'lose' alot; but yet in many ways, I have not lost at all.

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I dont like going into this coming week. I have to tie up the loose ends, and distribute for mum her intent. I cant inconvenience tch too much. He is actually in his sixties now, and he has already done alot for us.

I said to ssk, how ironic, that mum should provide for her children in their last phase. All 3 of them have health issues. They will be very well provided for medical cost. In that, I guess she was also sparing me. I would at least look after s1 to the end.

Mum was fair to all her children. She did not consider who did what. She knew I would managed without any help from her. I respect and admire her strength of character and her intelligent arrangement. She has the mettle that made her a survivor.

The sad thing is when she was in need over the past 25 years, in all her major operations, none of them bore anything, or did anything much. Bil was much better to her and dad than them. Very much better. Thats why i take bil's nonsence. He really did alot alot for them.

How ironic. No wonder sk and bil were angry at the remarks made. To me, it is just very sad. And so ironic, she provided for her children. If only they had not been more caring to her when she was around.

sk and i thankfully always have the same mind towards material things. We dont want anything from her. What she left for us, we will leave for the the next generation. All my life, from 16, I took care of myself in this respect and to the end, I wish to do the same.

Sometimes I get remarks (not ill intent) that i neednt work since i should be so well off now. Honestly, i dont like the remarks, and it is really not true. But why bother to explain? Just shrug it off.

What have anyone seen of the gruelling years of endurance, not just for my family, but for alot of others... and do these remember?
Everything is bearable, when one is clear of ones objectives, why and what one is living for. All else is immaterial. I am not bitter. But it is sad.

I must get through this week. I hope there really would be an end here. I really hope there wont be any remarks.

All these thoughts came up strongly because within the next 10 days, alot has got to be totally tied up. That is the finale of an era...

cny was a good break. It forced everything to a halt.
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i like the way the kids describe my place, that it is homey, and nice. Yes, it is. No extravagance, but nice. So nice, I am relunctant to go to school. In a way, I wished i had stopped working. I am quite happy living a simple life just doing simple things like gardening, cooking, playing piano, and maybe a little tuition.

Hopefully, when I start teaching again tomorrow, my interest will be rekindled for the kids sake. I must admit much of my passion and drive have been quenched by a lot of dampening factors. I used the word quenched. It really is. That is also sad. But I still love teaching.

How things roll from this point to the end of 2011 will see the direction to whatever days ahead from then... i dont even know myself.

But as everyone wished, happy new year. I hope it would be as happy as possible. i really wish it...

Of the affairs of the heart (II)

because it is an issue that does affect everyone, it is not difficult to strike the inner chord of those who read.

Some talk about it alot; others keep silent; some feel very intensely; some somehow managed to rationalise and subdue for years; some are persons of action; some, totally ruled by inertia ie inaction.

The truth is, these matters are highly distracting and sometimes distressing, whether one pursues it or not; no matter what age you are at.

Hence, if you have not attained to your goals that are needed for the future, the general advice is, keep focused. This is not the time. I mean it, seriously.

For those who happily found one another in the same passage, good for them. There is no need to make things miserable (like what people do in the past), and enforced separation. In these cases, let nature takes its course.

Theoretically, one is more developed mentally and emotionally to cope when one is older (20s and more?). So dont rush into it just because you see others being together. Nor let the fear of being left behind worry you.

Thankfully for me, I was always very independently minded, and no amount of remarks affect me. Loneliness and being worried with being alone is two entirely different thing. The first hits me hard, the second never troubled me at all.

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I agree with dylan who says it is good to see things from a non-parent adult perspective, especially if one has undergone through the phases (not all has).

When one is entangled in a net, he/she tends to think there is no one that understands how awfully aching it all is. All those who love/have loved would have told you, they understand. But different people feel the intensity differently, and show it differently.

Some dont show at all. Sometimes it is because the person is highly introverted. Sometimes it is because it is the only way not to lose the friendship, and they are prepared to pay that price as the person matters that much to them, and they want to standby as a friend to them. Actually these are those that really care altruistically.

Bringing up some heart-related issues help raise self-awareness; help rationalise when the mind is totally irrational; help realise the issues are universal to mankind.

The pathway however has to be trodden by each. You all have a long way to go, especially the boys, with NS days approaching. And there may be separation due to academic pursuits abroad. So let nature runs its natural course.

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btw, for some reason or other, I am writing more from the boys perspective. I think the reason is because more or less, the initiative has to be taken by the boys, especially if there is intention of going a further stage.

And by the way, a reminder, alot of things is NOT OBVIOUS. The fairer gender needs explicit expression.

Alas, only from whom they are waiting for! :0

403 (part thereof) Visit

In many ways, it is most apt that the first group of visitors (that is not family members) should be 403 people (plus future in-laws. :D; more is welcomed).

Yes, they are still childish! And, really nothing much has changed, though its the fourth year I knew them. I would be happier to see all 23 of them, yes, everyone of them. It doesnt mean that harsh scolding on one or two of them means I wont want to see them. I only wish I had taught better and imbued the virtues of humility and kindness more effectively. And yes, everyone matters.

That this blog exists, thanks to this bunch of kids; that I am still in nush, they are also part of the cause; seeing them yesterday helped strengthened abit more resolve to last out the year, to see them graduate.

And yes Bernard, if you do read this post, I hope you and the rest will drop by within the year too, before the boys go for NS.

Seriously, I am proud of this bunch of kids, wherever they are. Another common thread in their blogs is the impending end of their 4/6 years together in the school.

Given what I see, I think for most of them, the bond will tie them through a long phase in life. Sometimes, there will be momentary drift, where one pursues ones goals, be it in career, interest, family. Some are more intense than others, and need to have more space, and may breakaway for a time; others may be abroad. Yet others may have other circles they feel more comfortable with. But they will always look back at a period of time where the laughter, fun, comaraderie has filled their teenage years.

And that is really a blessing not to be taken for granted.

It is really very different meeting each other daily, and sharing the same environment. Alot need not be explained. It is all so comfortable. I took all that for granted, until people left. Sigh!

In nush, somehow there is a good comaraderie also among teachers. I missed those who had left. And also wondered how long the ties can be maintained, both for those who had left, and when I leave. For a couple of them, there is a warmth that can be felt even when some of us had not met for a long time. Somehow, people are so genuine, at least those whom I know.

So like you all, I also fear the loss of good friends when somehow things must come to a different turning. I hope for 403, this would be a regular place that you all will drop in through the years ahead.

I enjoyed you all being here. And yes, my pus'sies' have character and pussality (equivalent of personality!). And they welcome you too!

Thank you for visiting!

Of the affairs of the heart...

I hadnt had as much time to read the blogs of the kiddos, but do try to make occasional visit to see how each is getting on...

And more or less, one can see the affairs of the heart is a salient thread... Given the age, this is the start of a phase that may waver continually till one finally settle down happily, when(?).

This phase can be most intriguing; complex; blissful; bitter-sweet; fraught with anxiety/uncertainty, whilst trying to appear cool or nonchalant;

I thought it was good that some, at least one drew the distinction between the feeling of attraction (and the feeling of agony in liking someone), and readiness for love, for a steady relationship.
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Actually relationship is built differently by different persons. It is really not "a game, where only a few win, and the rest is left in the dust". As and when the time somehow is right, where 2 persons somehow found they like and grow to love each other, it is really a lovely thing.

Some found it from courtship (based on ???), though personally, I find that contrived, especially if it is through outward attraction. Granted that is physiological, and a spontaneous response that all will have, more or less. I must say, it is really on the very 'less' part for me. Actually good looks has a way of putting me off.

Some relationships are formed from friendship, from working together, from chance meeting and somehow there is a kindred spirit in talking together. How, when, where, well, that is what makes it intriguing.

The complex part is "the pain of not being able to tell someone you love them for whatever reason". The reasons can be many: fear of rejection; there are other parties involved; there are factors like race, religion, age, health conditions, social disparities.

Die-hards will tell you everything can be overcome. Not so true. It can only be so, if love is really the bond, and most of all, both have the courage to love. Love itself is insufficient. Courage is in the person. Not that easy. And sometimes, silence is golden. And yes, that is an agony.

The question, "But now I wonder, is the pain of not being able to tell someone you love them for whatever reason worse than this feeling of emptiness?"

Because most of you are still young, really you havent stepped into adulthood, which really should be at working stage, I think the feeling of emptiness is bearable, better than getting into a relationship for the sake of it.

But overall in life, I think I still believe, it is good to have loved, even if you lose, than not to love at all.

I am not a die-hard romanticist. But I think as long as it is not morally wrong, everyone should have the courage to live and love. There are alot involved in it, first of all, having the courage to love, and find out if that is mutual; And if it is, how to build an understanding in the relationship that will sustain for life.
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When I was in Sec 3, a classmate asked the form teacher why she was not married. Her reply was those that liked her may not be the ones she liked, and those she liked may not reciprocate. I remembered that troubled me, that the same could happen to me.

I cannot quite say for me it is the same. Whatever.

The pain of liking and not being able to express it/not being reciprocated is sharp and agonising. But the feeling of emptiness is also in itself a long continual ache.

It is not a choice of which pain is easier/harder to bear. I still say, one should have the courage to dare to love, and if through a long pathway find a soulmate, a fellow travellor in life's journey to share your life, it is a blessing.

I see the struggle and ups and downs of my nephews, and understand their upheavals and worry if the present relationship could make it to a lifelong tie. Again so much is involved here. I feel very much for them, but can only be a bystander, and give advice only when sought.

It is folly to assume every couple relates the same way, and the same advice applies. There must be understanding of the background, frame of mind, hopes, dreams, past failures, and how much each is prepared to make things work, and how each takes to things.

======================
But the loveliest of all, is when things are just spontaneous, that flows from the heart.

I agree that this does not happen to many.

But seriously, sincerity, true care, concern and support in times of need can win hearts. And relationships thus build is also very lovely.

In short, dont pre-determined to be single (though 18 is still young to be able to know who you really want to share your life with). Seek for a life partner, a soulmate eventually. It needs courage and sincerity.

Having said that, I acknowledged it is easier to write of it, than to live it. It is somehow easier for some than others. And I think, those who think too much, consider too much, analyse too much hurt themselves most and unnecessarily.

On a side-note, compare to mugging exams, this is really alot alot more complicated and difficult. So dont complain when exams is round the corner!



====================
I will be happy to see all of you blissfully settled down and have a wonderful family.

I cant help dreaming for you all. That is what parents do. :D

A Different Phase....

To say it is a 'new' phase... somehow, doesnt seem quite precise. It may be a 'age-perspective' thing. Nevertheless, things have to take a different turn.

So cny eve lunch was at my place. All were here, except for j1. This is quite a record. There was however obvious strain between B1 and B2 folks. I can understand why B1 doesnt take on to B2. B2 has much higher eq and holds out socially. I just sat at a corner to keep out of things as much as possible. Thankfully, I have always been close to the set of nieces and nephews. And now, there are 2 grand-nephews from j2.

Had originally intended to settle rv1 affair next week, but decided to speed up and informed all. There was a moment of tension when B1 and R wanted to clarify some points. sk was upset at what they said, but i was nonchalant about it. bil handled it on my behalf. B2 was gracious. I just want to get everything over.

I wish I was a simple village girl...

====================

Went to B2's place for dinner with S1, after he sent 2 messages to request me to.

One can choose to be skeptical.
One can choose to believe that there is 亲情.

I choose neither. Just dont want to cause hurt. As tch advised me, seek for harmony.

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I am grateful, very grateful to tch. And I know I will never be able to repay him.

When I drove off after meeting him to settle some admin matters yesterday morning, and most of mum's matters had come to a close, except for a couple of loose ends, the way he wished the best for me, the way he waited to see me off was very touching.

I do know tch cared for me specially. And I had felt very bad. I couldnt reciprocate. He really is a better brother to me than any of mine own. He is one of the very very few person I know, that is contented to see those he cared for happy irrespective of himself.

I really owe him a debt I can never repay.

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cny has lost its significance to me. I know if I want to 'bond' the 'family' closer, I can. But is that what I want?

Sigh. No, that is not what I want. I am contented just to be with sk. sk is closer to bil's siblings than our own.

It doesnt help that I am not feeling good. May need to go on antibiotics, but still want to try holding out with echinacea. After this week, it is going to be a marathon at school and at nie till April. I have decided to let go all the imperfections of this place, and just try to get well, and focused on work.

Once things are more settled for me, now waiting for rv2 to reach an end, I told sk I need to draw a will. She was upset about it, but I told her I need to be practical. I am on my own, and 'family' ties are so complicated.

Honestly, I sometimes dont see the purpose of carrying on, except that life takes its course, and whilst a sojourner, lets help one another. So, if the journey is short, its good for me. I am tired. Very.
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There are some things that made me feel sad and disconsolate. But it is not unexpected. Positively, the same element has given me simple joy, and though transient, because it was during a period of darkness and totally unexpected, that has left a special place always. But i had anticipated that it wont clear the test of time. Sad but resigned.

There was a chinese song translated, 'To win, You must fight'. When I first saw it, my inward response was, I dont seek to win, how to fight? But as in all things, I gave thought to the lyrics, written obviously by someone that had weathered through life.

There is alot to learn from everyone. If one truly reflects.
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I no longer look for anything of permanence. Just simplicity, contentedness and meaningfulness. Spare me pain, if at all possible. That will suffice for me.

This is chinese new year for me....