Of the affairs of the heart...

I hadnt had as much time to read the blogs of the kiddos, but do try to make occasional visit to see how each is getting on...

And more or less, one can see the affairs of the heart is a salient thread... Given the age, this is the start of a phase that may waver continually till one finally settle down happily, when(?).

This phase can be most intriguing; complex; blissful; bitter-sweet; fraught with anxiety/uncertainty, whilst trying to appear cool or nonchalant;

I thought it was good that some, at least one drew the distinction between the feeling of attraction (and the feeling of agony in liking someone), and readiness for love, for a steady relationship.
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Actually relationship is built differently by different persons. It is really not "a game, where only a few win, and the rest is left in the dust". As and when the time somehow is right, where 2 persons somehow found they like and grow to love each other, it is really a lovely thing.

Some found it from courtship (based on ???), though personally, I find that contrived, especially if it is through outward attraction. Granted that is physiological, and a spontaneous response that all will have, more or less. I must say, it is really on the very 'less' part for me. Actually good looks has a way of putting me off.

Some relationships are formed from friendship, from working together, from chance meeting and somehow there is a kindred spirit in talking together. How, when, where, well, that is what makes it intriguing.

The complex part is "the pain of not being able to tell someone you love them for whatever reason". The reasons can be many: fear of rejection; there are other parties involved; there are factors like race, religion, age, health conditions, social disparities.

Die-hards will tell you everything can be overcome. Not so true. It can only be so, if love is really the bond, and most of all, both have the courage to love. Love itself is insufficient. Courage is in the person. Not that easy. And sometimes, silence is golden. And yes, that is an agony.

The question, "But now I wonder, is the pain of not being able to tell someone you love them for whatever reason worse than this feeling of emptiness?"

Because most of you are still young, really you havent stepped into adulthood, which really should be at working stage, I think the feeling of emptiness is bearable, better than getting into a relationship for the sake of it.

But overall in life, I think I still believe, it is good to have loved, even if you lose, than not to love at all.

I am not a die-hard romanticist. But I think as long as it is not morally wrong, everyone should have the courage to live and love. There are alot involved in it, first of all, having the courage to love, and find out if that is mutual; And if it is, how to build an understanding in the relationship that will sustain for life.
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When I was in Sec 3, a classmate asked the form teacher why she was not married. Her reply was those that liked her may not be the ones she liked, and those she liked may not reciprocate. I remembered that troubled me, that the same could happen to me.

I cannot quite say for me it is the same. Whatever.

The pain of liking and not being able to express it/not being reciprocated is sharp and agonising. But the feeling of emptiness is also in itself a long continual ache.

It is not a choice of which pain is easier/harder to bear. I still say, one should have the courage to dare to love, and if through a long pathway find a soulmate, a fellow travellor in life's journey to share your life, it is a blessing.

I see the struggle and ups and downs of my nephews, and understand their upheavals and worry if the present relationship could make it to a lifelong tie. Again so much is involved here. I feel very much for them, but can only be a bystander, and give advice only when sought.

It is folly to assume every couple relates the same way, and the same advice applies. There must be understanding of the background, frame of mind, hopes, dreams, past failures, and how much each is prepared to make things work, and how each takes to things.

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But the loveliest of all, is when things are just spontaneous, that flows from the heart.

I agree that this does not happen to many.

But seriously, sincerity, true care, concern and support in times of need can win hearts. And relationships thus build is also very lovely.

In short, dont pre-determined to be single (though 18 is still young to be able to know who you really want to share your life with). Seek for a life partner, a soulmate eventually. It needs courage and sincerity.

Having said that, I acknowledged it is easier to write of it, than to live it. It is somehow easier for some than others. And I think, those who think too much, consider too much, analyse too much hurt themselves most and unnecessarily.

On a side-note, compare to mugging exams, this is really alot alot more complicated and difficult. So dont complain when exams is round the corner!



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I will be happy to see all of you blissfully settled down and have a wonderful family.

I cant help dreaming for you all. That is what parents do. :D