Possession, Simplicity, Freedom, Contentment

I had very little in every sense of the word from young till maybe 6-7 years ago. Though I had my present flat then, it was very simply furnished. Utilitarian. I dont buy anything for myself. Including books I like. I feel bad. If I really like anything very much, I will try to persuade someone to buy it as a present for me. Very rare. Usually, it is my sister. 2-3 times from close friends. The items, books, cat mug, watch, handphone.

Why? I dont know. It is like being extravagant. As long as i buy for someone else, its ok. It is definitely not becos of economy, though I always consider opportunity cost for needs.

I then picked up hobbies to keep myself more occupied, and then began to buy alot of books I liked; many plants, knitting and baking stuff, a good upright piano; and gradually my car. I have little material possessions besides these. I have never connected possession with happiness. I was one of those really blessed with simplicity.

Because my present place is really quite poorly furnished, I did not realise so much needs to go in to do up a place. I have to admit, I keep asking myself, what for? Its only me and T and B.

Thankfully, with Plee and ws's urgings, I have got a little further, tho it is still that 3 items I have got 2 weeks ago. But now, I am more aware of themes, the things that go into making a decision to decide on choice of colour etc. Now, I am more interested, once focused, to try to have coherence.

To be honest, I did keep my kiddos in mind from time to time, thinking what they would do if they were here. But seeing i got so little time, and ran into so many glitches, it would be minimal done. Basically i didnt renovate, except grilles for T and B, toilet facilities. So the new place is more or less in its original state. I did see today many things would need to be changed. But they can wait.

I need to move. I have no choice. I saw a showroom display yesterday, and realise so much can be done to make a place look really beautiful. I was tempted. Thankfully, I am also one of those that will never make an instant decision to buy something expensive immediately. There is a story behind it, from a home incident when I was 11.

No matter how much I like, I will refrain. If after the next few days, I still feel the same, and expend, I have thought through the cost, the worth, and the opportunity cost. Decision may stil not be good, but there is a thinking frame.

I bear in mind now the theme I have chosen, some thing that I have loved from youth, and will work round it. I dont need showroom impeccablility, beautiful and immaculate they appear. A simple expression, with some elegance will suffice for me.

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Given the way parents bring kids up, and give them so much, partly because they can easily afford also, i think very very very few kids will know how to take simple joy in non-possession.

I admit as a person, I am rarely happy. The moments of happiness in my life, that I can count as bliss are few....

One of them, is picking up shells.... the joy of seeing the vast variety of shells at a beach in Penang, when it was very much less filled with tourists. I collected shells for many years....

A few of the happy moments are in classrooms, and seeing kids grow up and graduate... today, I remembered this batch is graduating this year.... i want to see them graduate...

And unspoilt companionship that one can be oneself.... very very rare, just relishing simple things....in my life, i found only 2... I am content.

i can live with very little... i have much more material things now compared to the days of poverty... but i know my soul is freed from them.

And the simple joys are still as always, things to do with cats; cards; yes, terry k bear and my little friends in my car and at my desk: i talk to them, i am afraid; looking at a plant flower, the sprouting of a leaf;

Simplicity.

Material possessions is truly a weight. And the more you have, the less you are contented. And thankfully, I hardly envy. Material loss never matters much to me. Losses of the heart take forever...

Whilst I now seem to have opportunity to have much more material posessions, i am not bound in any way to them.

I have freedom of spirit from materialism, glory, conventions, ambitions; and i have contentment.

I think these together with simplcity are gifts that not many possess.I have been blessed to have them.