following your own advice...and decisions...

by now, i am really really not well and after finishing an entire bottle of echinacea, i would still have to take antibiotics. I have been asked to see a doctor the last 2 weeks by a few people, but i had hoped to pick up. Realised i dont have enough resilience, and it had been a lull period... work is mounting!!!

some passing events/words today lingered in my mind...and i had to consider seriously...

i recalled my own advice to some of the kiddos and the analogy of the monkey who put his hand (paw?) into a bottle to steal nuts, but couldnt get it out, because he wanted to take so much. Had he take one after another, he would have got what he wanted.

after pondering, i made the decision to take 2 instead of 3 modules at nie. Honestly, i can manage the content, and yes, i enjoy learning, reading and attending the classes. But when i am tired and ill, something has to go. I dont have the benefit of the elasticity of youth to cushion strain. It wasnt an easy decision, cos i really want to complete it within the shortest possible time. But if i cant follow my own advice to others, where is my credibility?

I have always wanted to study, to do a Masters. I enjoy learning. Always did. All my life. But my past lack ideal results always stood in the way. However now, if I complete it asap at a cost to others, even if for a few months, it is not right. To me, it is not.

So I wrote and withdrew, within the evening. I am sorry to do so. But it is the right thing to do. I am still teaching. I owe it to my students to be alert and well. When you know the decision is right, you dont need to ask anyone. This is me. I am decisive, sometimes to a fault. But not in this.

It is not to say, it would not be strenuous still. As a friend pointed out, 2 part-time roles is greater than one full time commitment. I know that. And no, I cant do this for long. And today, I really feel I really need a break, and not at the end of the year....this decision, honestly, i have made. Its carrying it out that is really really hard....

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Tiger and Brownee are wonderful cats. Whilst I am typing this, brownie is sleeping alongside my left, and tiger resting his head on my right foot. They showed so clearly they want to be with me. Its really sweet. And this happen night after night. In the morning, they will tail me in and out until I step out of the place. I will really miss them, when they are gone.

Painful as it would be, yes, it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. They are the best pussies, and full of life and fun too!

Time is not on my side to look for direction for my remaining days. I will only know better after a break...