Random and diverse thoughts....happy 'new year'...

in the stillness of the nite, alot of thoughts come into my mind...

very strangely, when i was walking back after getting some groceries, i remembered being laughed at by some kiddos (13/14 ) some time in 2002/2003 when I asked what is mp3. They make it such a joke, they didnt continue tuition with me. I didnt mind either.

I guess it came back cos to this moment, i still only know how to use a cd player and radio. The new cd player is supposed to be able to connect to mp3/ usb(?). A friend played alot of music from the iphone. I thought it would be nice to collect all the songs I like the same way. But felt too dumb to ask how. I also have loads of photos of the pussies in my hp which i dont know how to download. Had wanted to ask the kiddos, but forgot.

There are people that treat me like 'dumb', as if I was really a relic; explaining some 'basics' is too much an effort. I took it and smile my way through and laugh with them. To me, you can laugh all you like at my seeming backwardness and ignorance. It speaks volumes of yourself.

There are those also who has been very kind, and patient, and help me breach the gap. I really appreciate.

Why I am so 'behind', there are causes...a large part of my life that i never want to remember much. Anyway why bother to explain?

Life leads different people in different paths. I may seem to 'lose' alot; but yet in many ways, I have not lost at all.

=====================

I dont like going into this coming week. I have to tie up the loose ends, and distribute for mum her intent. I cant inconvenience tch too much. He is actually in his sixties now, and he has already done alot for us.

I said to ssk, how ironic, that mum should provide for her children in their last phase. All 3 of them have health issues. They will be very well provided for medical cost. In that, I guess she was also sparing me. I would at least look after s1 to the end.

Mum was fair to all her children. She did not consider who did what. She knew I would managed without any help from her. I respect and admire her strength of character and her intelligent arrangement. She has the mettle that made her a survivor.

The sad thing is when she was in need over the past 25 years, in all her major operations, none of them bore anything, or did anything much. Bil was much better to her and dad than them. Very much better. Thats why i take bil's nonsence. He really did alot alot for them.

How ironic. No wonder sk and bil were angry at the remarks made. To me, it is just very sad. And so ironic, she provided for her children. If only they had not been more caring to her when she was around.

sk and i thankfully always have the same mind towards material things. We dont want anything from her. What she left for us, we will leave for the the next generation. All my life, from 16, I took care of myself in this respect and to the end, I wish to do the same.

Sometimes I get remarks (not ill intent) that i neednt work since i should be so well off now. Honestly, i dont like the remarks, and it is really not true. But why bother to explain? Just shrug it off.

What have anyone seen of the gruelling years of endurance, not just for my family, but for alot of others... and do these remember?
Everything is bearable, when one is clear of ones objectives, why and what one is living for. All else is immaterial. I am not bitter. But it is sad.

I must get through this week. I hope there really would be an end here. I really hope there wont be any remarks.

All these thoughts came up strongly because within the next 10 days, alot has got to be totally tied up. That is the finale of an era...

cny was a good break. It forced everything to a halt.
=================

i like the way the kids describe my place, that it is homey, and nice. Yes, it is. No extravagance, but nice. So nice, I am relunctant to go to school. In a way, I wished i had stopped working. I am quite happy living a simple life just doing simple things like gardening, cooking, playing piano, and maybe a little tuition.

Hopefully, when I start teaching again tomorrow, my interest will be rekindled for the kids sake. I must admit much of my passion and drive have been quenched by a lot of dampening factors. I used the word quenched. It really is. That is also sad. But I still love teaching.

How things roll from this point to the end of 2011 will see the direction to whatever days ahead from then... i dont even know myself.

But as everyone wished, happy new year. I hope it would be as happy as possible. i really wish it...