感慨

yes, today's visit was pre-arranged, but i thought it would be just one of those random things... frist of all, the arrangement was kind of unexpected, and actually, i anticipated a cancellation.... after exams...well, not a time for anyone to remember you... and apart from 2 names, i didnt know who would be coming....


so even though i did make the afternoon free, it was not with much thought on my part. In that sense, that made their thoughtfulness refreshing. It was a small gesture, but that they bothered to schedule it in and wanted to schedule it in(!), and came up with a cake and accidentally became the first that sent thoughtful wishes....


at a time of low frame, everything was sweeter....every year, it is not easy to pass through this period since mum went. Last year, wc card came in at the start of the month, and that was a deep consolation. Given the long long tunnel, yes it was a very deep consolation. At least one reconciliation....but i digress...


each time i see the kids, i know how much i missed them. there is so much that i want to pass on, to help them through their journey... and i guess, whats most gratifying is, they want to listen....



i guess, it matters alot at this time cos the ground is so hard where i am.... and to say, i am not worried that i may labour in vain would be a lie. But i know talk is cheap. If u dont put in the labour, if u dont make the sacrifice, all the pontification and theorization is a sham. Come june, it would mark a year of cecilia's passing. I remembered why i took this path for this year. I will continue therein....and hope....somehow, somehow....it would help some kids....if it is just one of them....yes, i am shaken in some ways, but i am resolute in ploughing on.... i did not choose the path because it is easier or better... i knew what would be install....but it has been much harder....



so yes, this lot of kids coming at this time, seeing their earnestness, their enquiry, their pathways, and feeling their genuine care...and it happened to be in this month of may... yes....it matters alot...


and it brings alot of 感触 and 感慨.....聚了又得散。。。散了何日聚？



i always want to teach to the end of my days.... i really want to impart.... but i realised time has really changed... and i am also not prepared to conform either....



No system of education is going to convince me that it is existing in the system that makes one an educator.....


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whatever... though this visit brought bittersweet pain....alot of poignancies .....but, it was really touching. sk was touched also....yes, rare for kids these days, esp after i have left....



and tmr, the blss boys...this has been postponed several times.... and i am looking forward to that also....



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o let me live meaningfully to the end...and when my strength is gone, let me not be a burden to anyone...this is my one and only wish....