there are so many billows bashing within me, i am just going to write the multitude of thoughts within me....... yes, they are not quite coherent, and disjointed... but i am still going to write...
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i acknowledged i have been very discouraged, disturbed by the differences in attitudes of young people, or rather indifference in attitude....

one student asked me, why do you bother with those who dont want to help themselves? i asked her, do you realise the societal impact, if everyone adopt that argument?

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Economics is my major in Uni, and my favourite subject. I also admit that I am sad when students take a negative attitude towards the subject for whatever reasons, valid or not. For myself, I rarely like/dislike a subject because of a teacher.

From Economics, i saw the wise planning of those who had designed the growth and development of this small nation. In my time, i did Economies of developing nations, and Singapore was then emerging from the status of a developing nation...I did not blame the government for recession, I saw the susceptitbility of our small country. It affected me. Deeply. I suffered pay cut, at a time, when my parents depended on me. As the only 'graduate', I was the only one contributing significantly. But my take home pay was less than a thousand.

I knew the virtue of hard work, and worked very hard. No one need to teach me these things. When I didnt work hard, and failed, I knew it was my fault. When i couldnt afford, i didnt envy. I couldnt afford. Thats it. What i dont need, i dont buy. When I have, i just want to make others happy.

When i started teaching, i put alot of hope in my students. I didnt want them to 'fail' like i had through lack of discipline. When i realised i hurt some of them through unreasonable unexpectations, I re-examined my values, and adopt a more positive, constructive approach. I realised values are more important than seeming success. And I want the kids to have 'happiness' that i didnt have.

And it was a generation then, that did appreciate.

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What happened in this interim? The repercussion of decisions...against the tide of warning....and in many ways, one saw the inevitable coming....

I now saw, what i had written in my economics essay on developed nations , of the rich getting richer, the poor getting poorer in my own country. But is the poor, really getting poorer? Or is it just that the gap is becoming so wide? Yet is it, really?


The big conglomerates have actually made alot of things extremely affordable. More people can have it, so everyone is happy, and more importantly, wealth increase. The government in their push for economic progress, made broadband,IT infrastructure easily available. So, computer games, 3G, 4G, and with them all the filth come in. And as if not enough, casinos are at the door step, with astounding architecture structure to support. Everything must be seen in 'holistic' view.

Is it? Decadence are at the doorstep. And Who is going to reverse this? Or even can it be reversed? Is all that 'economic' growth worth the destruction to so many untold families? And with such pursuit of materialism, where is the corresponding increase in moral standards?

At one time, to own a car, you have to have at least 20 to 30% cash, that cant be borrowed. I agree totally. In fact, i am for COE/ERP whether as a driver or non-driver. There is a price for everything. You want something, you worked for it, and pay for it when you have the means. Not by borrowing. I only borrowed to pay for my first flat. I couldnt afford, i didnt buy furniture, i didnt have air-con. And my parents came first. And paying off my debt.

But somewhere along the line, someone tweaked it, resulting in this present unbelievably high price of COE. And someone actually said, the reason why is because Singaporeans can afford it. The price is far, far far too high, creating such a great divide. So, this is "market" forces?

I was shocked at the way banks touted for people to borrow by credit or any other way making things appear so 'affordable' to hook the young. But i blame the young for falling for it. I used myself as a standard. What else can i measure?

And when i see even highly intelligent kids being hooked on computer games, and all sorts of IT related activities to relieve the boredom, I feel sad. Very.

And when I see the damage caused to the less able, leading to restlessness, ill-discipline, I ask myself, what's happening? What can be done? What else can be done? ....show me how... i really want to know....

And I am not one that believe in complaints. Yes, i detest those who hide behind online platform to voice their vaunted views, laughing and sneering at others, and with vulgarities. It is easy to tear down, show me what you have done, what you have constructed, and that known only between you and your conscience.

And when kids complain and complain....you know where they learnt it from, the role models ~ the adults.

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It pains me to see so much needs to be done, but i have no energy to do them.

It pains me to see how what had been built well by the right hand, being brought down by the left hand of the same structure.

And there are so many that treat ordinary common sense with scorn, and derision, as if 'titles' and accolades are the fountains of wisdom.

There are many things, i would have told you, i told you so, not once, not twice, but many times. I didnt stand by to watch the 'fall'. But to what avail?

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yes, i am tired. Very Very tired.

And sad, very very very very sad.

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And this is how i encourage myself:

If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking by Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

I dont want to live long.

But i dont want to live in vain.