random updates....

yesterday, there was an article in ST from many my generation paying tribute to Rediffusion. its remarkable how similar our thoughts are, each from different walks of life, having the same memories of the simplicity of life in something so simple as a 'brown box', that add that spice into our lives....honestly, i still feel, our life was much richer for it, compared to this technologically dominated world these days....o well....
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it seemed strange that almost immediately after i state that i have been quite placid these days, that things took an explosive turn.....it took me a couple of days to regain composure..... i am not a person given to triggers of moods, particularly in teaching itself. My focus is usually very clear. But I guess, it was too clear to myself, and somehow i have failed to see the gap..... perhaps my expectations were unrealistic? perhaps i had hoped for too much? i dont know. But it was a big blow to me, and i couldnt speak about it to anyone...actually, i still hadnt relate what happened. To me, talking about it is not the point. What went wrong? Why? And really, i wanted to give up. But i am bound by my promise...

thankfully, some of the kids took steps to mitigate, which i totally didnt expect. Such initiative is rare, and well, i dont see it often in the past years.....And i was touched by the sincerity. There are apologies that are given just to get out of a situation. But unreserved sincere apology is unmistakable, not only seeing what went wrong, but analysing the cause, considering for others, and wanting to move forward. I did not expect that. And that makes all the difference.

And that gave me the motivation....yes, to start again..... dont give up..... it will pay off ..... be positive..... charity never faileth.... i will be positive tomorrow, and start again.... actually, with kids, i will give them ten thousand chances, if only they really want, and will keep trying....

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fb has provided the avenue to follow the diverse pathways of the kids, whether in ns, in their uni outcomes, their sch actitivities, ups and downs etc....dont know whether its good or not, to follow so closely.... is it teacher instinct or a maternal kind of concern has taken over?

in a few months, the girls will have all their confirmed decisions, and stepping into different realms....the boys, most of them will still be in ns.... reading of mishaps does make one worry .... but its their growth and their duty... all of us has a duty to our family, our nation....i am actually very glad that most of them have taken this very positively and really want to prove themselves. Nation building is not built on complains and grouses. It is built on a communal spirit and responsibility, rising over the differences, and strengthening bonds. And true care is also based on sacrifice...and i know, the two years is a sacrifice, although a compelled one, it is to be valued....actually, i am very proud of the boys...:)

i do not intrude especially when they are at critical decision making period....views had been given....and views need not concur.... as i said to st, its not life and death...seriously, it is not. When you know whats life and death, you know all these are not....passing critical moments that can be turning points or points of inflexion, and you still live on. How happy you choose to be, how positive, how grateful lies within your own heart. Happy is the person that can see beyond and over...

then, my other batch that is now in year fours.... another special batch....

must really be getting old, to remininse like that.....

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was telling chris today, perhaps, after the O level this year, i will take a total break from schools for at least 6 months. Focus on completion of dissertation (sigh, prob extend for anr sem) and maybe do my grade 6 exam....

sometimes u think u want to do that much, u want to contribute, u want to pass on.... but really, must u? need u? does it make a difference? especially when the strength of youth is gone.... visited ls sister at sgh just now... and u see the reality of life and death....

actually, i am really contented to have an end to my earthly pilgrimage. I really have run my race. I havent attained much. But i have not hidden my talent. I have done my best, and have considered most above myself. Its not out of weariness and hopelessness, although the fear of being a burden is ever present.

I should really take a true break, and put tie up loose ends, and spend time with T n B and with nature...

But, at this moment, just between now and May.... the deadlines are a plenty....sigh....