down post...

honestly i dont feel good... bouts of headaches through the week... culminating in one of those super migraine (i think this is one of those top ten attacks) thru thur nite... still managed to struggle out of bed despite dosing with painkiller...

that is perhaps why i am never too patient with people that are habitually late or oversleep... i had things to see to... i must get it done...

actually i have mellowed down alot... mum was a very tough task master.

But mum was too tough. I rebelled at school. But i always knew most of the time, the authority is right. Again, that is why i am never too patient with 'reasonings' that are actually excuses for lack of self-discipline. A good disciple must take tough and harsh training.... and that is what turns an apprentice to a master of his/her trade. But no one believe in this anymore. Much less the young.

I had high expectations and pushed my kids very hard before. I was really 'fierce' . But i know despite all the luxury and improvement in 'quality' of life, life is actually much harder and 'poorer' for the young generation...i relented over the years.

when i see their fraility, vulnerability; the chase of illusion; pursuit of glory... and the many that cant take criticism; falls; adversities.... i really hope somehow later in life, they will grow up...

character is built by endurance. no other way.

I am so tired, and down, i no longer feel i want to go the extra mile .....why bother....

the only exception are the kids... they are not grown yet... this is their formative years... i hope, really hope they will be a fruitful generation. In many ways, my generation failed... very few leaders are from my generation... leaders are very important... they lead the way, they set the example... they inspire, and motivate others...

i am tired, very very very tired... my head is bashed about and numbed with medication...i only wish in my tiredness, i can also be immuned...

i must try harder to be silent... those who want to learn will do so... those who dont, wont.... silence is golden...

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one of my constant conflicts is actually at heart and mind, i am still as i was, 20 years back?.... but time has cause age to set in... and the gap is there and widening... i have to remember that i am moving on to another realm; the energy level is not the same... and it doesnt feel good at all....

sk always says she is dumb, and in academic aspect, she is not brilliant. but somehow (i dont know how cos i dont talk much), she realises how i feel... when she was young, i was her acting 'older' sister.... now, she and bil treat me as a kiddy sister, the way they fuss...and tho it can be irritating... i appreciated it cos it is what i never had, childhood (thats why i have no affinity with children).... its her way of making up to me, i know....

by the way , for the young (and not so young) to joke about other people being 'old' or making implications of it... is really unkind...

you think you are young and have life, hope, dreams, aspirations, goals...good for you... i am also happy for all of you and want to see you all bloom and succeed....

i also had been young, and also had hopes, dreams, aspirations.... but i had duty... by the time i completed them... alot is gone... and i have to come to terms to it too...

that fleeting pleasure of 'being witty' leaves more hurt than you realise....

I cant understand the callousness, because from a kid, i have always been respectful to those older than me, even if i didnt agree with them (which most of the time, i admit i dont).

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this is a down post... but this is life; there are slopes, there are troughs, there are valleys... but the sky is always there, the sun always rises... i will encourage myself.

when tired...rest... and then sojourn on... i want to push on.... just not to be a burden to others is enough incentive...