Kind/Helpful...Drive/Discipline...Pride/Dignity

Nearly 2 years ago, i threw the following questions at 303 in our mentoring session...

Is a helpful person also a kind person?
Can a kind person be unhelpful?
There were varied response and illustrations. i didnt have an answer then... was probing for one... and liked to hear from them. Zl had said that a person who is helpful may just be doing it because it was just on the way, so just help. That is not kindess. I think we more or less concluded a kind person is not necesarily always helpful; and a helpful person is not necessarily kind.

2 years later, i still ponder over it but am more conclusive now.

Kind and Helpful are inter-related. Kindness is the quality, helpfulness is the outcome. It just cannot be otherwise. Disregard the random cases. Both are lovely traits. They co-exist.
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How does one distinguish between discipline and drive? One that has a strong drive to achieve usually has the 'discipline' to propel himself/herself forward. But does that mean the person is 'discipline'?

I remembered telling my students (including 403), discipline is not doing what you want to do, but doing what you have to do, even if you dont like to do it. You see atheletes, sportsman, artistes etc taking the most punishing training to attain to their goals, that calls for discipline. Yet they show prima donna behaviour. is that consistent with discipline?

Discipline itself implies self-control, temperance.

How would one distinguish? I guess if extrinsic goals/rewards/ attainments are removed, how many would go through the same rigour for duty sake would help distinguish? Without motivation, would there be discipline? I dont have the answer.

The next question is : is there any need to distinguish? To me, it helps both to know yourself especially , and also to understand and guide others.

In helping kids, u see how some just cant seem to be able to help themselves. U can let them flounder and drown. U can throw them a temporary life-line. But unless they somehow assimilate the importance of 'controlling' their will or 'subjecting' their will, the life-line is really temporary.--------------------------------------------

pride takes different forms... there is pride vs humility....

there is the dignity where one takes pride in ones efforts/ ones works... not becos of extrinsic reward, but it is an attitude... always do ones best...

dignity is a kind of self respect... it is not related to success/ external valuation. It is the worth of a person as a person in himself/herself. In this generation measured by all sorts of indicators, gpa, cap, and what have u, this aspect relating to the worth of ones character is not understood.

People like the cleaning auntee, the conscientious security guard, and Mr Soon, my "old man" contractor... these hold themself with a respectable dignity. I listened to their stories (some of which are very very long) and most people regard their words as mundane and repetitive... but beneath these stories are long years of hardship and perseverence...

10, 20 , 30 years down the road, when you have attained success, or successes have eluded you.... will it affect the value of your person?

If it does, it would also affect how you view and respect others and their dignity.-----------------------------------------------------------------

The Lord grant me grace that I will not change... that my valuation remains simple, and grounded on the qualities of humanity: to be kind and helpful, to have inward discipline,not ruled and driven by external causes; always take pride in my efforts however miniscule and insignificant; to have dignity to the end.

kyc said her mum said to her, until a person reached the end of their lives, they cannot say what turns and twists yet await them. So dont gloat at others, nor despair in downturns. It takes experience to give these words of wisdom. And to kyc's commendation, it takes a learning heart to hear these words with the inward ear and bear in mind.

So whilst young, build and root yourself in good grounds. At some time of your life, you will stray. This is life. Some stray more than others. But the values of your youth and guiding thoughts will lead you home when you somehow awake from your meanderings... dont despise words distilled from the school of life...