Two roads diverged,and I took the one less taken...

actually the skin of the blog was one of the first that gerlynn sent to me when i told her what was in my mind... she sent others subsequently... but i stuck to this one....

in its own way, it is symbolic.... though actually in life, i didnt make many major decisions for myself... circumstance ruled... not that i live 'by fate'... there are some who had said i was fatalistic...

i am not. i know that. i just want simplicity and contentedness. but it does run contrary to my inner drive...

but in spore, edn is such that we see the phases linked and the 'natural' path to university... and with my teaching bursary.... only way to support myself thru education... i ended up teaching... actually not by choice. But like arranged marriage, sometimes things not by choice can be the right way...

sk asked me 3 days ago, why i didnt do the masters i had wanted to do earlier... yes i really wanted to... after 3 years teaching i was bored, did rsa diploma... i was bored again... but i asked her, with dad down with stroke even before i turned 30, there was not enough income from my teaching pay to sustain home, i had to give tuition most nights to supplement, how could i had managed... she kept quiet...

i dont begrudge it... i would have felt awfully guilty if i had put my own wants first.... as it is i wished i had given dad more...

in that i never let circumstance rule; i am not fatalistic, i dont believe in good luck or bad luck; i believe in hard work, and working meaningfully. i never gambled, never bought shares, never took part in lucky draws... i never wanted what was not borne of my own labour.

i find it hard, i admit, to be patient with those who are always complaining others have more than them, and they deserve more? Why? no one in life owes me a living. i see unfairness, and shrugged it off. no amount of unfairness will change the value in oneself. And i deem that of more value.

and i wont change circumstance just to make it 'better'... known evil is better than unknown evil...

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but when path is diverging, it is different....
had deliberately seek out people to talk, to see if i could feel direction.... i realised in the end i have to pave and walk my own path...

the 3 definites in my journey:
tiger and brownie is top in consideration: they have been my faithful companions, most loyal and forbearing;
ls and ky,my companions in this earthly pilgrimage;
and sk, the best sister anyone can have.

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i know my present road is diverging... so many considerations; so many sentiments... for bonds forged and treasured.

the head is clear in its reasonings... but the heart tugs... by year end, i will know whether head or heart rule... but life experiences consistent with all my past decisions... the head will rule...

so i must suffer further pains of heart at this time before embarking on the next phase....

what can be lost was not yours in the first place... what is stable, and of weight will remain...

scgs is also the acronym of its motto: sincerity, courage, generosity, service. A student of much depth, now an outstanding journalist, remembered what i said to the class... of all the 4 qualities... when they grew up... it is courage that they would need most. i said that 17 years ago...

Courage to take the road less taken...