Rule over one's own spirit...

In my mid/late twenties, this verse in the Scriptures struck me deeply:

" He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls."
i pictured a desolate city, invaded, broken down, no defence...

why? because one has no rule over oneself...

I was very much affected by moods, and temperament in turn affects judgement and decision. This is not what I want to be. If I want to be a person I can respect, if I want to be a support, and yes, a leader behind the scene, I need to rein in my temperament.

I have a wild 'streak' in myself, and can be reckless...

Life taught many precious lessons; And consciously, in solitude, in quietude, one learns... I remember the late Mrs Tan Chee Lian saying to me ( I was 31/32), it is important not to show how you feel. Not so much to hide. More to consider others. I remembered every pearl of wisdom from people with experience...

and i worked diligently to have rule over my own spirit, and was very harsh with myself...and with years i attained a composure that held up even in storms... and i can respect myself.

I am thankful I exercise that self-restraint.

With self-restraint, moods, irascibility, unreasonableness are far removed.... and better, clear and objective judgement comes in. You learn to consider things from various viewpoints. Objectivity became my strength. People credit it to my 'strong analytical ability'. Actually, the source is rein within. This quality is not stressed these days because people want to do what they think and like. They dont realise that it is precisely their thoughts and ways that lead to subjectivity and lack of good judgement.

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This entry seems very random... i was quite upset earlier...because i had a bad disappointment when i realised i was left out of some learning opportunity.... for some moments, I was very disappointed... i value every occasion to learn, and to learn from people with experience...

pc knew and understood and could only say..practise your zen skill...no point getting upset...

i had difficulty doing so...for many reasons...

but when i review some hours later, whether the reasons were valid or not... it is nothing....

value of learning is in the learner... applying what one learns is in the person...

value is not in the attendance...u can still learn through understanding...

i have seen people grasping opportunities for themselves, always looking for freebies etc etc...but they neither gain, nor are happy...
just like delivering of a lesson... it lies in the heart...those like-minded will somehow communicate.... external process is only a mode...

what appears to be 'losses' is never losses....no one loses if one seeks for true value... and one's learning path can never be restricted by anything...

and good to know who really seeks your growth and welfare...

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...encourage yourself and learn from every circumstance...ssh...

have restraint... and liberty of spirit...yes, seemingly contradiction of terms, but actually very true... because when one rises above superficial consideration...one is free from conventions....

... am glad to be at peace from the earlier disappointments ...

especially at this time...its been very hard these few days.. the spirit is full of conflicts and pain...expect these few weeks to be very rough within...

the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.