end of march....

there are alot of things i want to write..... but energy is really lacking....

April is going to be 'the' month....starting with monday, which i have taken leave of all present commitments to do the project with L. Thankfully, the preparation at my end did not take as long as I thought it would, though i really was given very little time....whatever, monday is going to be a 'new' experience, though again thankfully, my part should only be less than 30 minutes....however this episode could be a precursor to a future route..... which though remote, it is not entirely out of sight.

then, the start of the other project....which i didnt wriggle out...sigh...

and a third one....which my 2 "No"'s still end in limbo.... and i was supposed to submit a brief biography which is a kind of cv....honestly, all i want to write, is i love learning and teaching. That in itself is my greatest qualification. But most people, are looking for what fantastic uni you come from, and what titles you hold, what awards you get....

i was thinking of something just now, and was shaking my head to myself, and involuntarily the words came out, i cant stand systems. And almost the same moment, Ms Heng's words came to me, "SH, you are always looking for a system." When Ms Heng said that to me, she was the age I am now. Is this a age wisdom? I do see her perspective better now....

...yet, i have also seen things in the course of my life, that are without systems, but vested in persons. When the person(s) is gone, the good work died along. I saw that 20 years ago. Thereafter, whatever i do, I do vest them in a 'system', so that even after i leave, it should carry on for some time. But I have also learnt, that as long as there is no person with equivalent vision, understanding and drive (in order of importance) to carry on, it cant be maintained.

What is needed is a system for structure, and, with it, astuteness and wisdom to make exceptions. But how do you measure the last 2 elements? That brings to question: Are leaders born, or nurtured?

Or who makes a better leader, one with a big heart, or one with a 'big' mind?

My contention is: if you really have a big mind, you actually would have a big heart. Hence, the second 'big' in the above statement is in quote mark. Pseudo 'big'.

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So....

With 3 projects that are not in the main flow of my regular events, thats really alot...

Then, in my 'main' flow of events, i got a 70% assignment due in 2 weeks for my second last module. Thankfully i completed the presentation last nite for the 15% assessment part. And no, i got nothing done wrt my dissertation. Sigh. That stupid stray event!!!!

And at school end.... the duties and responsibilities come in much heavier this month... why did i agree to it? If i say, its for ideals, its for my dream of nurturing the next generation of teachers, hoping to have many more that will pass on the baton, does it make sense? Taking on responsibilities, without status and title, is always deemed crazy.... but that is what i have been doing in most places anyway....

And with that, have to work on a scale beyond just an institute....i will take every opportunity where helping teachers are concern....if you impact them, they impact many more.... what i have no energy to do in time to come, they can continue...

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i am tired. i really am... But how much teaching life have i got. I asked myself aloud that day, and there were 2 students with me for remedial, one of them said, 20 years? I was quite touch, but i said, No, i dont have that long more.... i must pass on.... in that, the sense of urgency is real.

So, its going to be a very tough April....
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And for the kids here, i feel more and more for them. sometimes, they would come up and tell you they didnt do their work or they cant do etc. U can be impatient and scold them. Esp when u know attitude is not good in the first place. But, if u really take time to listen, there are so many reasons behind....divorce, family member in jail.....

I have learnt one thing for a long time, through my own life. It is not enough to care, and be 'dedicated' and 'committed'. You must engage their mind. Get them to learn, to achieve a higher thinking platform. Its from there that they can drive themselves forward. Heart and mind must be engaged both in the learning and teaching....lately there have been more who really have more shine in their eyes in class.... and expressedly said so....i really hope i have sufficient time to make a difference before they take the Os at the end of the year...

Now tell me about needing funds for 'innovative' teaching!!! Get your basics right first!

More Readings...

Reading is really a luxury....its like opening the windows at diiferent parts of the house, and seeing the views changing, emerging, or differing in shades due to the different times of the days, or different times of the year......in this case the window is the mind's eyes traversing the landscapes even if of the same topic, through the multi-faceted experiences of individuals.....

Yet not all readers receive the same gain. If you look out of the window, just to judge the weather, to decide to bring an umbrella or not, well, thats all you will see.... i think it was yesterday that sy posted a picture of the sky, and greeted, good morning! ....that actually struck me....he looked up, he saw the sky...he saw the boundlessness, the clarity, the blueness....he captured it...and he posted it to share it..... i didnt respond, but i felt that moment of being awed....and that liberty.....

yes, read a good book.... a collection of various thoughts and essays of various educationists on the Curriculum for the 21st century.... alot to glean, reflect.... i think of the many indeas and concepts that i still have not shared....if i was younger, such collaboration would have been very fulfilling....well, at least a few of my ideas did materialise....when i hear the kids 'comment' on the journals or put up their work...especially the book cover design, i feel gratified... 5 years running and the purpose is still served.... i do wish sometimes that i can reach to a wider learning community....

being fiercely competitive had put our small nation on the world's map....but a heavy price is paid for it.... the lack of collaboration, the lack of open-ness to discuss, to learn, and share, to evaluate with honesty, have really push us backward despite the "first world" status. And when 'opinions' are voiced, so much is 'personal in view', lacking an informed breadth and a true understanding of nurturing the education path of a child...and when such are at the helm, well, the form without substance cannot but be the result.

The heart of the process of education requires the teacher's insight and perception into the learning process and cognition of a child and the consequent mapping of the plan to enhance the child's growth. Especially more so in the age of technology, where knowledge per se, can be acquired virtually. Unless the teacher engages the learner's thought and heart, breathes life to inspire the child to want to learn, and have the discipline to learn, strengthening the moral and character fibre through the process; excites and invigorates the mind to explore, and create......otherwise classroom teaching may be relegated to an exchange akin to consumerism and no more.

Actually nothing irks me more than a teacher who says he/she does not like to read.

Sigh, thought i was planning for retiring out of the education landscape? I hope there will be a few young hearts that will be kindled for a brigher education vision.

To the young, i caution: never trust yourself, or your own experience as the one and only source. Open up your mind, take contradictions, oppositions and challenges , and have continual humility to learn...

The compulsive obsession (or obsessive compulsion, whichever is the case ) to quell individuality, originality, differences, diversity is the folly of the "intelligent". Strange, its this category of 'intelligence' that shows the most insecurity and feels the most ' threat' to their 'superiority' (or inferiority, again whichever is the case....).

And that disorder has been the cause of untold destruction in many realms....that which education fails to address in neglective to cultivate breadth and generiosity of mind and heart.....leads to ocd leadership in each arena.....

i digress....

The Perils of Wilful Blindness

I have always wondered how people can blindly obey commands when they should/could see that things are not what it should be. Nothing can be explained by one reason, witness the horror of the holocaust. Or even as simple as the Emperor's best clothes fable. Fable or not, the fact is, some things are obviously not right, yet no one questions or at least raise issues.( I dont mean that kind of online ranting)

Reading this article extracted from Review section in Straits Times today helped give some perspective.

"...most people, when asked to perform a wholly unethical act, will do so. This is not because they are bad people. Such behaviour, Milgram argued, is inevitable when we join organisations because our focus shifts, from being good people to doing good work. And we see good work as doing what we are told.

We aren't just obedient; we are also highly conformist...... In other words, what we see depedns on what we know others have seen. Seeing is a social act....

.....Most challenging of all is the critical need to celebrate mistakes and value debate. Mistakes are how we learn and cultures which hide them learn nothing. Likewise, the organisation in which there is little debate turns out to be the one where there is little thinking."

Margaret Heffernan====================================
Debate should not be merely a rhetoric of pitting verbose skills or clever manouvering of viewpoints. And true, cultures which hide mistakes learn nothing.

But which culture will admit mistake and learn? And how many leaders can allow and initate debate?

And is conformism so inevitable as stated by Milgram? It depends on what one values....

leadership....

if one read the dire financial crisis of Greece, one wonders about her leaders....

"The Greek people, meanwhile, battered by two years of stringent austerity measures that have crippled the economy and sent unemployment soaring, appear to have had more than enough of their squabbling leaders."The people are suffering at the moment and they (politicians) are not budging," said Marianna, a shopkeeper."

Channelnewsasia Published: 7 Nov 2011
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If one reads about the floods in Thailand, particularly Bangkok, seriously we should be thankful that being such a tiny island, we have been mercifully protected by factors of nature, as well as prudent planning amidst urbanisation. Give credit where credit is due.

"It may sound like a drastic scenario, but there is little doubt that Bangkok will have to act if it wants to avoid the fate of the fabled sunken city of Atlantis."

Channelnewsasia Published: 7 Nov 2011

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And it behoves leaders and all not to take their respective roles for granted; assuming they will be blessed; assuming that they know it all; assuming things would never happen to them.

Sternberg's illustration of the fallacies of failed leaders should really be taken to heart, by all, leaders or not.

...thinking about thinking...

My essay topic will be about thinking; thats my choice. ok, what about thinking? How do you define, distinguish between critical thinking, creative thinking, higher order thinking, problem solving? Are they the same? Ok think about it.

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I read this article twice, and both times, the same passage struck me. I quote:

" Wisdom is the use of one's knowledge and skills for a common good, by balancing one's own with other people's and larger interests, over the long as well as short terms, through the infusion of positive ethical values. Wise people make an effort to understand other people's points of view and to take those points of view into account in their thinking (Sternberg, 2003).

When one observes failed leaders, one rarely find that they failed because they were stupid. More often, they fail because they are uncreative. But even more often, they fail because they are smart but unwise; in other words, they are foolish.

Failed leaders tend to show a cluster of fallacies in thinking. These fallacies include
(a) unrealistic optimism - the belief that just because they have an idea, it must be a good idea that will succeed on implementation;

(b) egocentrism - the belief that the world revolves round them;

(c) false omniscience - the belief that they know it all;

(d) false omnipotence - the illusion that they are all powerful;

(e) false invulnerability - the belief that they, like Superman cannot be harmed (except, perhaps, by the elusive kryptonite bullet); and

(f) ethical disengagement- the belief that ethics are important for other people but not for themselves.

excerpt from "From Intelligence to Leadership: A Brief Intellectual Autobiography" Robert J. Sternberg, Gifted Child Quarterly 2011, 55, 309-312

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My thoughts to the above:

(a) amazing that the characteristics should be so universal.
(b) would any of such leaders know/believe they are 'failed'?
(c) for those who would be leaders, do take note that these observations are real. If you really aspire to be a leader, you would need to consider the antithesis of the above of what would make a wise and good leader. And live them. Not study as a theory.
(d) and if you dont have what it takes, dont be a leader, and cause misery to others.

Like it or not, leadership and intelligence (not the lack of it) are closely correlated. The above is couched in a rather polite theory of fallacies. If one wants to be blunt, one can reduce each of the above belief to adjectival characteristics. I am tempted to turn the above into a 'calling a spade a spade' vocabulary exercise just for entertainment.

But I digress...i have to get my essay out......

if only.....

had not intend to follow the elections much... for many reasons....

but have been...again... for many reasons....

at this point, i must say, i am quite upset.

if only, if only, leaders listened, and listened with the heart....

why such contentions, such factions when we are all for the same nation?

if u hear the voices, there are genuine voices, from the heart; the issues are real.....

and i no longer can say, i dont know what to say, cos it now takes a different meaning. sigh!

will know the verdict, by this time next week....

Freedom...Contentment

Someone asked me earlier this week whether freedom is very important to me, and without hesitation, I said, yes.

I wondered if our definition of freedom is the same; probably not... not that it mattered...

Kids will say freedom is very important to them too. But I think there again, our definition differs...

To me freedom is that liberty of spirit; it is not doing what you want, anytime u like. That is not freedom. That is ill discipline.

Its like i have the freedom to go to school before 740am, but i choose to go much much earlier and am happy to do so...

I will abide by rules... but i have the liberty of choice to do so and do so happily.

I can take a very very tight regime. Actually what i had taken, very few would be able to take. And that for many years. But i did so with objective. And I know though I was outwardly bound, I am actually free because I know my course... and outward circumstance cant curb that freedom of spirit within.

sometimes when i observed 'supposed freedom' (sorry, especially from the point of view of kids), those who subscribed to it, and do as they pleased are actually themselves in bondage to their own weakness and lack of temperance. Their seeming freedom is an imprisonment in itself.

Similarly those who think they weld power by authority, is actually powerless relying on fear and authority. The fact that if they dont have the authority, they cant attain the same compliance shows in fact, there is no 'power' in actuality. The truth is respect is more 'powerful' than authority. And people will go the extra mile and more with respect than with 'power'.

Freedom is very positive and motivates one to go beyond the boundaries to explore, to serve, to give...

Freedom is that which fuels passions, propels to reach greater heights...

i dont know how to describe that feeling, but it makes duty a joy, and the reward is contentment, not extrinsic, but intrinsic... There is boundlessness in the confines of circumstances.... it is inexplicable... but those who taste it will understand...

Good leaders know how to give this liberty and trust. Only those who have confidence in themselves and in others can trust. I hope the kids that i have mentored will be good leaders, and grow to understand this first within themselve and to exercise with discretion the same trust in their roles, whereever they are....when they grow up... when i talk to them... i see them in my mind's eyes many many years later... and hope they will be good people, good leaders, good team players....

i find it gratifying talking to each and every kid... i do wish they are made of sterner stuff to take hard knocks.

Most of all, i wish them to acquire understanding of themselves, and others and be positive people, and love and give freedom.

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I really do love the feeling of freedom.... if u ask, do i have it now? i will say, yes, not because of what i physically and actually have....

my happiness is not confine to labels and 'success'. I am content.

Yes, I am very sad, and yes, oft times lonely. But I am happy within myself. I dont have any need; I dont have any wants; I may feel pain and sorrow. But I am happy and content. I am not chasing illusions.

I am free... :) I thank the person for asking me... it made me delve deeper and realise how much freedom i have... and that i am happy...

I see the kids grow....

this is to say thank you very much to the 16 kids that had helped on monday or/and tuesday evening/night....in total it was nearly 6 hours... and i know none of them would dream of asking for cip... it wouldnt even cross their mind at all...

honestly i had been quite worried about this task for various reasons...... i was really very relieved to see them all packed and ready.
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but more than this relief is the joy and pride to see the kids grow... i dont understand alot of their lives anymore, but it made me happy to see them considerate and helpful; working with initiative, plan, thought and coordination.

i observed alot of things:

The leaders among them, whilst still having 'the lead' now subsumed as a team; one does not see the dominance, like it had been 2 years ago... (some of them are helping for the third time...)

The way the teams worked, differently but reaching the same end ;

Coordination within each team checking one another without 'criticalness';

NO show of tension, irritation or temper;

Cheerfulness and enjoyment in what they do; the accommodation and understanding that comes with the years of doing things together;

The carefulness and attitude of accountability....
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there is a wise saying that goes "the whole is greater than the sum of the parts". Many heard of this, but very very few really understands it. This can only happen when there is true leadership and team spirit. And this is very rare....

to the kids who helped, maybe it was just 2 evenings( nites) of doing something else other than study time. What they did not realise is that each such experience helps each of them to be better team players; and give insight to coordinating complexities; and nurture leadership in everyone.

when i see this naturally exudes from them..... i feel very happy.... it is not just seeing them grow... it is seeing them grow meaningfully...

it is therapeutic to be with the kids......i learnt alot just observing them...

thanks alot for two lovely evenings of joyful company...... :)