Trust

What do we mean when we say we trust someone?

I have wanted to write on this some time ago, but got deviated.

This thought came back to me just now, when sk's sink got choked, and i called mr soon. Sure enough, when he can, he came. He is now in his 70s. I know sk does not have the confidence that i have in this old chap. But i am very confident that he will not only resolve the problem, he will track the root cause, and provide advice to avoid recurrence. And so he did.

yes, i trust mr soon alot. In fact, he was the one that i trusted to clear mum's place, and to help me pack to move over to this place.

actually sometimes, the people u trust in life, may not be those closest to you, or even your good friends or constant companions. Of course the trust is qualified, as in not absolute trust', but confined to certain realms. For instance, if you need to get something done urgently, and you cant attend to it yourself, you will entrust it only to those whom you trust will see the matter for you. The same with say, having a doctor, lawyer, dentist that you can trust. These are not 'close' to us, but in their professional realm,  a trust is developed. Although I must say, i have noted that some people dont seem to see the need to exercise that discretion to be selective in trust, assuming anyone can see to what they are supposed to do.

So what is it that makes you trust someone? Time of acquaintance helps. But sometimes, it is through observations....

I knew mr soon by chance, nearly 20 years ago. I remembered it was a chinese new year eve, and i was helping mum in the kitchen. And he was seeing to a neighbour's pipe problem and was around the backyard, turning off water supply. Then mum said, uncle, its cny's eve, why are u doing repairing work now? He replied, cant be help. I was sick the last few days, and couldnt attend to the job, so now i am well, i must complete it, cny or not. The neighbour that he was attending to is an indian family. He is their regular contractor, and he speaks fluent tamil!

then i said to mum, get his number. He will be a reliable contractor. He gave us, and true enough, he was. I had been taken for many rides by contractors, so it is a relief to get a good one. But what made the difference was, one night, at rv, a couple of years after that acquaintance, there was a blackout again . Blackouts were relatively frequent, but usually ratified through circuit box. However, that night, it didnt work. I panicked, and called him for advice. I wasnt even sure if he would answer the call. He did, and what I didnt expect, was his coming down at that hour (10plus) to see what was wrong. It turned out to be a fairly major problem due to the age of the building. But, he still managed to have temporal measures to restore the electricity supply. I was very touched, and he didnt want to take any fee. From that time onwards, I treated him as an elderly family member. Grateful for his help, and advice. And i know it meant alot to him to listen to his many tales. I probably heard more than most.

And I learnt from him. Never solve problems at the surface. Always seek for the root cause.
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So trust need to be won through action. Consistency. And the less material entanglement, the better.

Then again, there are people one trust by gut feeling, and time usually proves your initial gut feeling right or wrong. Thankfully i have quite a few good friends in this category, and these are the few that I would keep contact with. Yet again sometimes, by circumstances, trust is misplaced, i.e. a normally trustworthy person lets you down because of circumstances.  And that is very very sad. Usually, it ends the bond.

But i have also let down people who trusted me. And i feel awful. Very awful. And still do. Whatever the reasons or circumstance, i dont explain why. To me, its no point doing so.   Whatever reasons, it does not change the fact that i did not keep my word. So...., yes, those instances, thankfully, not many, but one, is one too many, remain a blot in my mind. Even if the decision was a necessary one, it is still a betrayal of trust. I feel the hurt for them as well. And still do.

The worse misplaced trust, are those who deliberately win trust for their own gain. Beneath my contempt to speak of these.

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Then there are those who cant be entrusted to do a task...

Or when one needs to entrust weighty matters, and can find no one. That is probably the saddest.

 i guess that was the main reason for the recent low point.....i had thought many times,. in dire need, in an accident, who would i call that would come to my help and can come to my help whatever the inconveniences?   I guess, if ls was not incapacitated by her sight, she would do whatever she could. Its not just the bond. Its also the ability.

How do one guage to what degree u can entrust another over weighty matters? Actually, there are many ways.....chiefly observations....and consistency.

and looking around,.....i guess, one realise..... one is really quite alone....

i have to learn to shrug it off. And just trust somehow, the Lord will be merciful.

And i guess i wont be alone, in being alone....

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To be trustworthy, to be a trusted friend/family member is probably not something one gives too much thought to (especially if u are always on the receiving end). Yet in life's journey, to have a trusted friend/family member is like the pillar of a building, that gives support to the framework.

i know its more blessed to give than to receive.....but i admit there are times, i wish, i really wish....the 'strong' one  is not always me....