Miscellaneous thoughts...

Was having a text conversation with kyc just now, and she said many boys going into ns this week. True....i guess abit of maternal concerns...

Going to ns is quite an 'event' . I remembered when my batch of peers went, (and those were really hard days!), yes, i was worried for friends that were close. In those days, you can 'see them off'. I didnt. But i was worried.

After that it was a non-event. Teaching girls, the event never occur. And when i taught in a mixed/all boys sch, by the time students go in, they are quite distant, after jc or poly and not in close contact. Until nephews went in. For zg, there was anxiety when health problem surfaced for awhile.

This is the first batch of my own kids going in. I look forward to 2 years later, writing about their ord. Well, boys have to grow to be men. And this is one of the process. Ok, whatever shadowy anxiety, it is a phase that has to be borne. The kids are mostly fit, sensible, and should come through well. One or two may have a little dificulty 'fitting in', but then that is life. It is a learning process.

And it is still not being thrown into society to fend for yourself. It is a training institution that will also account for their welfare. So mustnt worry. As st says... it should be ok de. Ya, it should.

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yesterday was quite an event.... more than 60 kids were here! Didnt expect it actually. I thought about 30-40, so should be manageable. But to start with, i was tired. And my place was actually a huge mess. Just clearing it (actually hiding it is more accurate) over the week was sufficient to wear me out. Thankfully Patrick came in to help with getting miscellaneous.

I was really happy to see every one, and also thought of those I didnt see. Of course, it was impossible to have any conversation of depth, but it still provided that touch, that contact. I cant say if it was because i had left nush, or because of what had taken place, or its me always being sentimental, but the kids epecially these 2 special batches somehow mean alot to me.

Conversations with the older kids are always more of depth. Of cos 09403 people are always special. But I was glad to see the others as well, whether i had taught them actually or not is not important. It is just nice to see them growing up. Some people say the growing phases of babies, and toddlers are phases not to be missed. Personally, i am not a baby person. I find it gratifying to see the growing phases from adolescence to gradual adulthood. But it also means seeing and sharing their ups and downs....

and another unusual thing, i actually enjoy writing the letter of reference for each of them... it is like documenting their growth and being proud of telling others how good my kids are! :) Ya, i think i am not quite normal....

the last group left at 2310pm. I was sorry when each of them left. I guess I was wondering when will i see them again. It was easy when all was in school.


Still, it was a treat to me, seeing them here, and hopefully, most are happy. Yes, Louisa May Alcott Jo's Boys came to mind again. I remembered when I read it at 14(?), I did identify with her, and her boys. So, in some ways, part of a dream fulfilled.

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the next 6 weeks is going to be unmitigating hard work. I have lost momentum, especially in my own dissertation. Sigh!

At the moment, there is a sense of mission, to help the kids believe in themselves, and be willing to work hard to attain to a higher platform of growth. I would need stamina to last out. In some ways, it is more difficult than blss cos there are more students here. Whilst i think, some have been motivated, whether they can sustain, and have enough determination and perseverance would be the crux. I hope 9 months from now, I will see what i wish to see for each of them....

=================================at the same time, i also realise, with age catching up, this may not be sustainable for me.....

ss called me just now, and suggested we have a talk in june over plans next year. i said, i wouldnt know by then. I really wouldnt.

I know i need not 'look for direction' anymore cos i only need to enjoy what i am doing. On the other hand, i would still wish to optimise effort....for the next generation.So what next year? dont know. Only the first month of this year and already 3 persons have raised possibilities of the paths next year.... I know what i wont want is to 'just make a living'. So unlikely to continue on with ss actually....

follow heart? follow mind? follow what? ......sigh....