31 july

Havent been writing, not because there isnt any thing to write about. The constraint is the scarcity of time.

Having more or less cleared major 'debts' in work, am using this time to recapture as many thoughts as possible from the last week. Actually alot of events took place, some rather interesting....now, its where to start....
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yj's wedding

I am really not incline to attend wedding functions, and usually decline. Over the last three years, I had attended more than I ever did in twenty years! I think 5, and thats alot for me. First was M, my 2000 student. I went because she said it would mean alot to her. And she only invited two teachers. I was glad to see her happy. Then for sst and pl sake, to share their joy for their daughters.  It was my way of showing my appreciation for their friendship. kyc was the only exception where i had no hesitation, and it was for her, and for her alone.

So when dj rang a few weeks ago to invite me to attend yj, his sister's wedding, I hesitated. He was doing it on behalf of his family. I taught all 4 of them, plus another 2 cousins. yj was the third I taught as a tutee, the other 2 were in school. I finally went, because I did want to see dj, dw, and j, the last 3, whom I was closer to as I taught them from 13 to the end of their jc days. Their age range from 21 to 25.

And I was glad i went. I wished I had captured the thoughts of the evening that day itself. It was good seeing them, sharing about their lives. What I did not expect was, they also genuinely wished to see me. dj was not easy to handle, he and dw were both ri boys. Their family also welcomed  me warmly, and his mum said she was glad she finally got to see the ms c she always hear about. I didnt know that, it mattered to them, because i was apparently one of the few that dj would listen to. I disputed that, but dj himself said, its true.

Actually, seeing them reminded me of that phase of dark tunnel....especially at that time, i was not teaching, and was reclusive. So these were my little 'windows' to the outside world then and the little joy in that almost absolute bleakness. They didnt know of course. So, our lives crossed. Not many keep in touch regularly. But dj did in his funny way. He is now in uni in melbourne.

It was a lovely evening, and j was very sweet. She has always been a sweet girl, and a top notch ballet dancer. I can only say it was so gratifying seeing the young lady before me. And she text the next day, to ask to drop by to have a longer chat before she leave for Swtizerland, to start the next uni sem. Yes, my kids are all over the world.
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i taught yl in school, and she invited her class mates for the wedding. So unexpectedly, there was a group of poise ladies coming to greet me. They are 32 now. And it had been so long, since i left the school...so it was really nice to see them, 5 out of 6 married, with kids. 

Our recollection of school days however appeared different! hmmmmmm...teacher and students differing perspective? :)

Whatever. Those 2 years when i taught them 1995-1996 were not good years for me....then, my soul was in prison....

In 1995, I had a massive outbreak of acne, that my face was really quite hideous looking with the swellings, and that for months. I dont know how i went through those times. I  remembered telling myself that I have to carry on, and whatever I looked, I must push on. I never uttered a word to anyone of that inward anguish. I was stared at on the road, on buses; people whom i did not know would exclaimed loudly at public places and offered remedies...most of the time, i just shuttled between house and school. Note, i use the word house....which was rv. I remembered mum forcing me to go out with her, and saw for herself the looks i got. I knew both she and dad felt very bad for me. But they didnt know what the real issue was.

I knew, the outbreak was the effect of the turbulence i was trapped then, that seemed interminable...... so i appreciate the kids in the school in those years, who were polite to me, and never made me feel i was an outcast, though i felt like one leprous then....the scarring is still marked on my face, but i dont mind it....actually physical scarring is nothing compared to scars of the soul....

So whilst chatting with them of what is outward, inwardly the mind traced the path in those days.....those interminable 18 years.

And  there is a quiet  flow of joy, that i have walked out of that. And that truly, the Lord's mercies and goodness have preserved me. It reminded me also of the loss of 2 very dear friends...... But, I must walk on.

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Of Culture and ties

 It was the first buffet style dinner I had attend, and yes, the food is very good. Well, u expect it from Shang. I didnt get to eat as much because, well, I am not very good at getting food for myself, always was awkward in buffets, and because there were so many that dropped by for a chat. I had dreaded sitting alone, having to make small talk.with unknown company, but that didnt happen at all.

yj of course was a very happy bride. Petite and sweet natured, she was always inclined to art. The groom is a Scotland chinese, which made that evening particularly interesting. Yes, he and his friends wore the scottish kilts. He has a good sense of humour and is quite gaga over yj.

They flew over a couple of Scottish crooners, and yes they really sang well. The most interesting part was the ballroom dancing. First of all, the bride and groom waltzed, and then subsequently, guests were invited to take part in the scottish communicty dancing. It was quite fun to watch couples of all ages learning the scottish dancing and enjoying themselves.

It reminded me of folk-dancing in my school days. I liked them. Actually very much. We were taught to bow and curtsey, though usually, i took on the role of a boy, so I bow. During rainy days, and there was no PE, we would have folk-dancing. Community dancing was a social activity that helped to bond the communicty in olden times. There is a kind of bonding, that is so different from present day kind of fast, quick communication.

Then there was the lady who sat next to me at the table. When she saw me, she said, ij girl. And I said, yes, i am! yj went to chij, unlike yl. So there is that bond for having the same alma mater. The lady turned out to be my junior, which of course i didnt remember. In fact, i was amazed she could say that, since it must be more than 30 years. Well, it seemed I was one of those that had left some impact on juniors, though to me,  i was a nobody at school (and still a nobody.)

We quickly found many names that we both knew, and shared common traits, and common likes including folk dancing.  We love our motto, Simple in Virtue, Stedfast in Duty. A motto I hope I exemplify.

Actually, the culture of a school, a community is important in a child's life. That sense of communal responsibility is stronger and there is more caring\spirit. I have noted adults who came from schools with strong culture (thats different from herd identity), generally had more team spirit, and are more civic concious, and less officious. Its really different. School culture forms a part of upbringing. Some cultivate it through reading and in ccas with more community life, at uni, and even in the army. Those who remained 'culture-less' and focused only on their own 'rise' /existence/' significance', well.....they missed out of warmth and communality..... not something that one can described.....but it is priceless.

So, it was a memorable evening in many sense....and nice, because i had not expected it at all.....

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Miscellaneous

There are still alot more to record, like the interesting dinner with seah and tsl, both whom i knew at my 4th school. tsl is commendable for keeping in touch over the last 5 years, especially because he is a young chap, who can have more vibrant company. He will be a vp in august, and though, he is relatively young, i think he deserves it, and has shown consistency over the past years.

It was a good conversation, as we had missed one year of catching up, tsl being in hk. All centred on school and education.

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Work wise, it is a roller coaster....my anxiety will serve no purpose. On my part, i can only do my best in the preparation, but it is hard to build a strong base over so many years of neglect.....lets see....

The single good new for myself is, I finally submitted the necessary to hopefully start the research project. L has been very patient and supportive, and saw me 3 times over last week, to push me on.... I hope the inertia has been broken, and I will slowly pick up momentum.... It is always good to talk with L. There is so much to talk about, so many readings that we enjoy, so many viewpoints that we share...

Then there is the assignment which is very interesting....if i get the interviews i requested. Will write more about that another time....

This Masters course has been a very good learning journey......

So, although it had been hectic, July did come to a close well.

Lets see what august will bring...... i have already about 5 appointments to meet....and with people whose company is pleasant.....

and lets see how things fall out for the kids as exams closed in...over the next 2-3 months, this is going to be the crux...and i dont want, really dont want to fall into the rut of whipping for results....how to strike that balance is the key.....and this is going to be my preoccupation....teaching is my vocation.... i must keep the values and objectives right in my mind's eye....

Thus ends 31 July 2012....