February 2012

actually i write better with music...somehow the words flow with the melody...

i am beginning to like thurs...the benefit of 4 day work... not that i dont work on a friday, but its in a different way.

end of one month of a year. dont know what to make out of this year. today, yet another person raised obliquely about plans for next year. sigh. i really dont know where i will be heading... and dont want to think too much either.

This week, i have been quite temperamental. partly cos i wasnt feeling well. partly cos the backlash of piled up work is beginning to be felt. And i didnt meet the deadline for submission of ethics form for research. Next deadline is 1 march as review committee meets monthly. I decided to delay as I couldnt produce anything of quality. I have difficulty tuning back to the research work. Somehow, over these 2 weeks so much had happened that made me feel, what is important? But i must still pick up and complete it....

i also admit, it is really very tough trying to give the kids some foundation. it really takes alot, and when u see the lack of concern and seriousness to help themselves, it is really disheartening. Yet at the same time, when you see they do care when they know you are trying to help them, it also makes it seem worthwhile. To be fair, quite a few did try to be more focused, and did put in some effort. And i think they do listen. But it really would be an uphill task.....it is only week 5, so there are 36 weeks more to trudge through.... i only hope it will really make a real difference....that would make 2012 worthwhile. And i really hope, it would not only be in results... but that values could also be imparted.

working at the ground also made me realised that i really do not have the as much energy as before. Honestly, i feel aged....

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someone said that day..."meritocracy breeds elitism. that cant be helped." i was taken aback. I havent had time still to think through this statement.

It would also require the definition of meritocracy and elitism. I will come back to this another time....

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Experiences helps one to know boundaries; helps one to sharpen focus and judgment; helps provide foundation to withstand crisis; provides that resource to give support and perceive with greater depth.

Only if experience listens, reflects and soul-searches.

Experience has taught me there really is no perfect system; that even good systems degenerate; that one tends to be harshest in judgment when one is more attached to 'a system'; that sometimes stepping aside, one sees the limitations of many things and persons, including one's own.

Experiences teaches one..... dont think when one is tired..... rest....