Gratitude

There is a difference between being grateful, and having gratitude.

 Grateful is to persons; Gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness, and more than thankfulness, it is a state of being; a state of warmth and some flow of strength, of being at the receiving end of goodness and kindness.

Its perhaps the norm for many to be not ill, not feeling out of sorts, whether physically or inwardly.

Not for me. Its almost amazing.

The comfort of seeing Brownee now stable, recovering, no redness for the last few days is immense. It has been a long haul for her, continually improving since taking tcm, but it fluctuates, and one has to observe the causes, and helped her tide through. I guess both T and B mean alot to me and it has been 9 months since the skin issue came up. There was a time it was really quite heartbreaking to see soreness in many parts of her small frame.

Physically for me, aches has reduced significantly. Most of all, its really amazing to wake up with a clear head, and not having that blurry achy mind. Headaches only show up now under continual strenuous situation, and that happened 4 times over 4 months which is really good. Especially under working condition. And not getting tired so easily. Its good to feel in health. Really good. Yesterday a colleague commented that it was cold because of the air con temperature and it was raining. She was known to prefer cold environment, whilst I always need a jacket. I was surprised because I didn't feel cold. I thought it was just nice. That was when I realised how far I picked up in health, through tcm and exercises.

Whatever bothersome issues, I have learnt to make it 'manageable'. Its always a question of 'letting go', the equivalent of ‘放下' .  Actually, thankfully, nothing very much really matters. And very thankfully, I have no lack.

It is not that I am not grateful to persons. I am. Brownee's recovery and my own I really owe it to zh in many ways.  Very grateful. All things are transcient, and the physical body will perish in time. However short being in health feels, I am grateful to know how it feels. I rarely take advice and for long period. His unassuming but firm persuasion, sincere and genuine encouragement pulled me out of decades of neglect. It has been a year that panadol is no longer almost a part of my life.

And I am grateful to J and K for the consideration, support and companionship. The bond has taken another level, and it is really now a friendship, a valued one. I have learnt to accept help. And I have learnt also to swim, and swim regularly. :) It has helped me very much.

And having special bonds warm the heart. Knowing ld is back was really good.  Also excited to be seeing 403 in  a couple of weeks. I am not thinking whether it is goodbye because quite a few are flying off. I am thankful that apart from cny, there is this annual midyear meet. I don't know how long this will continue. Our gap has widened....and sometimes they feel far away to me.  I guess, we are after all from different background and their lives take them into realms that I don't belong. And I am happy for them. I admit, every meet, I wonder, if things will feel the same. I don't know. But I am excited for this meet. This is the year that they are twenty-one. Its special. :)

Gratitude is a feeling of warmth. Yes, I am at the receiving end of goodness and kindness. I am very very grateful.

The Lord's mercies endureth forever.  He has provided abundantly for me. Even if I have only this for a short period, that I have this goodness, even for a day, I am grateful. And yes, when grateful, to me, this is being happy. :) Good to keep a memo for this. :)