sweet dream

Rare, so rare do I ever have a sweet dream, so sweet that I didn't want to wake. So I really must write this down.

At this moment, the song Perhaps love is playing. Yes, this song is special. From 1981-1982. I never played it again until mum's passing, that it came so strongly into my mind. I don't know why.

I often wondered, who I can say, my memory of love would be of....I cannot associate with anyone. But after yesterday's dream, I guess I can say who my memory of love would be.....the fact that it is memory....well, it does mean, it is of the past. And this part of the past, will always, always be special and sweet.

Yesterday, I dreamt of......403 kids.

I guess it wasn't out of the blue. There was a mega event that I had to see to on Saturday. And throughout I missed my kids. Over 4 years from 2008- 2011, every mega event I had to see to, I worked with them. And often more than one in a year. Even at fifteen, some of them were very reliable and trustworthy. I liked their initiative, their problem-solving mind. Nothing was too difficult, nothing was beneath their dignity. From prize table to clearing rubbish, from planning to executing. And they were always, always so happy and cheerful.

 I really really missed them and I guess that must have been gone deep in. Although I hadn't been in touch with any for some time, I guess I 'see' them on facebook. Although a few weeks back, I remembered in the middle of the night, being woken up by a whatsapp message of a picture of a cat gift shop in uk. I went back to sleep, and then the next morning, I forgot to take my hp out. I wondered throughout the day, if that message was real or a dream. I couldn't wait to get back and check, and yes, it was real! gy whatsapp me the pic from uk. :)

Last night, in my dream, I was staring out of the window, it was raining heavily, and I saw a bus in the slow traffic. And some of them were in the bus. I guess, the place was actually rv, because at rv, from the bedroom windows, you literally can see every vehicle on the road. And  then somehow B saw me, and waved to me.... and then somehow, the lot of them decided to get down the stop and drop in at my place. As in all dreams, the 'plot' is somewhat complicated, something about an exhition etc....I guess again something from the past...but that it was so sweet that they wanted to be around, and not want to leave...and they were happy....and I guess I was the happiest.....and then, it was dawn, I had to wake. I didn't want to, because it was so sweet, very sweet.

I am aware as the years go by, the gulf between us cannot but widen. I guess, their world has always been different from mine. In that sense, I am probably closer to the blss boys. But they have been the joy of my life, my kids that have grown up, and will fly and leave the nest. I am content. That I can see all 23 of them, well, and all proceeding to uni this year now that the boys came through ns safely, I cant ask for more. I remembered my worries, and st saying, 可以的。

I have always believe love is letting go....and anytime, when the kids want a shelter from the storm, whilst I can, I would always be to be there for them. But I guess, I probably pass that stage for most of them. I am happy enough to just see their life through the window of fb.

Yes, my memory of love would be of these my 403 kids, the starter of both this blog and my facebook, drawing me out of reclusion and seclusion, by their childlikeness. Yes, the joy of my life, memories that I can cherish. My memory of love will be of you.

I am content. Really am. This is the only sweet dream I can ever remember waking up to. And it is the sweetest dream.

Thank you.