of medical....

anything with respect to medical aspects.....inevitably..... long sighs.

a dark foreboding cloud is hanging over us....though I am only at the peripheral....it does pain to see sk going through being brave to stand by yl in her treatment. this is the bravest I have seen sk. actually she bears a lot, a lot for bil's family....

I didn't offer to help. I have told sk, you looked after her, I looked after you. I don't think its good for us all to get emotionally drawn. I am already at bankrupt status.

And inadvertently, every hospital treatment brings home so vividly the scenes in 2009....the start of this blog. I brought sk to see zh yesterday to get some medication for her throat infection. On the way there, I had to swallow down the lump in my throat when the issue came up about mum. I guess its really hard and painful for sk, because the oncologist yl saw  was the same one that we had consulted, the one that caused us pain. I found it hard to answer some questions sk raised. And its when sore spots are touched, and the involuntary reactions that come up, one realise how much is yet unhealed, how deep the wound is. On my own, i can try to block it....but sk brought it up....Somehow the pain is always over mum....

I feel very very sorry for yl, the extreme pain she is suffering, and the hopelessness of the spread...the frighteningly uncertainty of the lack of time....and with two young children... I don't know what to say or how to help....I just keep my focus on sk. I daren't get drawn into the emotional upheavals....and I hope it wont come too soon....

I am confused sometimes with medical sciences. Even as I am very disinclined to it, I have to admit that it has given mum extension of life by nearly 20 years. I hate the ending with medical sciences. I really do.

What I can take for myself ( which isn't that easy either) is not what others can, and there are a lot, a lot that I question. I guess I really don't know. So, though not directly involved, it is another of those trepidation filled journey. I dare not think what this will lead to....and I fully understand what sk say.... its going to happen again and again...

I wonder sometimes is it the way we view things, always from a tragic point of view? Then again, how else do you view things that lead inevitably to the end, with sufferings of illness?

I still say, how little people are prepared to face the inadvertent. And in not doing so, it also makes it difficult for their loved ones.

Somehow, I still feel the ways of the ancient, yes, even traditional Chinese medicine is more the way of nature. At least for myself. I would wish for myself not to be subjected to endless tests and investigations, to chemicals and technological therapies that bring as much damage in their quest for eradication of the harmful.

I can only say I don't know what to reply to others, and for others. I only know, I would wish for myself, just to depend on natural means, if possible, to the very end.