ideals

just saw sy's fb post....and really miss those wonderful years of teaching together as a team.

actually, at this moment, I have a lot, a lot  of 感触。Expediency requires mutedness.

what is education? sometimes, I really want to ask every 'educator' I meet. What, just what is education to you? What is each student to you?

======================
I remember when I was a kid, there were manytv  shows that has the theme of people (usually the lead cast) pursuing their dreams unrealistically. Usually in the areas of the arts i.e. art, music etc. And their fate is usually quite tragic.

Because realism is so real to me, I lived by the mantra, no one in life owes me a living. So I had a lot of initiative, giving tuition when I was 16, and taking on vacation jobs to earn anything extra. It wasn't the norm, at least not in the school that I was in, which yes, was then ranked among the top girls' school. My classmates were mostly well off.

So I have little patience for people who don't do their duty by their family first. It isn't that I didn't have dreams. Its just I feel too much, especially for the situation at home. And I knew, if finance was stable, perhaps it could resolve some issues. It took me more than 20 years to arrive at that stability.

Teaching was being practical. I didn't want to teach. Not that I knew what I wanted. But it was the only one that I was offered a merit bursary to pay for my uni course, without being a burden to my parents. I really, really, really want to study. I just want to learn. And I still want to learn.

So teaching became like my family, a duty. I worked very hard. I don't think I taught well. But I was super dedicated. And worked very very hard. And students matter a lot, a lot to me.

I will always thank Ms Heng for providing a wonderful teaching environment for me to develop, that  I finally understood teaching as an art. Not by attending courses. By teaching. By observing. By venturing forward. By reading. By feeling.

But I knew I still had lacking. A five years hiatus, re entering the education realm, I saw things differently, and finally understood the dimensions of education, of which results is but one aspect. And that understood, one dares to go to schools of very different types of learners, and still enjoy the teaching, and seeing students learning. In nushs, alot finally crystallised in my mind.

It seemed rather late in life for one to pursue one's ideals throwing caution to the wind. Actually it is, because energy wanes.... and you are almost alone.

almost. I am thankful there are still like-minded people...though all are trapped in systems. I am not a conformist, but I am not a revolutionist. I see life as it is, fragile. Perhaps it is age. I can only encourage those who are young, to endure the systems as I had, and hopefully, still preserve their dreams and ideals, as I had, and do what good they can, within the realm they can.

For myself, I leave it to 缘分, who I meet, who I can help, who I can pass on my dreams....someday, I hope some of my kids can continue where I cant.....

And yes I miss sy, and that team of wonderful colleagues....that remain among my best of friends.....and what he wrote stirs up a lot of things within me. I mustn't be sad. Not many have ideals and can hold on to them. I have and have held on. That is something I must value. Mustn't keep looking at the non ideal side.

writing is really very helpful to me. It makes me feel better. :)