Solitude

its a luxury to be able to enjoy solitude....and this luxury has eluded me for a very long while.

you can be alone and not enjoy solitude.

you can be with people and feel alone

in solitude, you may not be entirely alone, there may be people in the background; but you are in your own realm, at peace with nature, at peace with God, at peace. It isn't that there are no cares, or worries. Its just being absorbed in tranquillity, and feeling that oneness, the harmony....without the need of anything..... for me, this solitude can be felt mostly when I am with nature, seeing the sky, seeing the sea, hearing the quiet lapping of waves....and it has been a very long time to have this luxury.

I have learnt to look up to the sky more often. yes, it has to be learnt. somehow, it doesn't come naturally. I dont like superficial gestures. if I look up, I want to feel the expanse, that limitless bounds....and when clouds are present, they add a different dimension, a lovely embellishment....yes, I actually love clouds.....

I suppose from afar we see the purpose and beauty of clouds. without which, we wouldn't have the mercy of having rain and water. clouds is a necessity. our myopic view obfuscates the need of clouds in our lives as well...

can this frame be sustained? I don't know. I have learnt, really sufficient for the day is the cares thereof. I don't really like the phrase, live for the moment. for it connotes a sense of recklessness. But in the sense of just being a being, yes, in the beauty and serenity, just live for the moment.

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someone ask, why care? actually one who ask that is actually one who cares, and who has to convince himself/herself to stop caring. because it hurts? yes, actually it does hurt...sometimes a lot...

I suppose I would say, why even ask? just live. and in living, one's heat care, then just care. why fight? it adds meaning to our lives. even the hurt....when we can look at it...

sometimes, we care for people that are not exactly what we would wish. sometimes, we care for people who dont even know. sometimes we care for people that don't care. does that matter? i wouldn't wish my heart caring to be conditioned on what others are.

caring is a luxury also. a gift. when i get a little anxious these days, i remind myself, that i now have the luxury of not having to worry about deadlines of this present world. i have slogged for really a long, long. long time....nothing really matters too much now.

Each day, thus far, i have been 'happy' because i have done a little something for a little someone, and sometimes, more than one little something for more than a little someone. yes i care, and it is a privilege. whatever else is immaterial.

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my heart feels a lot for the ups and downs of the young as i follow their paths ( qualified as the positive difference between my age and theirs to be more than 8) ....each phase brings its conflicts and challenges, its euphoria and its disillusions.... striking a balance is often the most difficult.....i am relieved many of these phases are over for me....although yes every phase brings its challenges still....unknown challenges....

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for many reasons, i dont look forward to cny....its now really non-significant....i cant say this is said without sadness.....

 the visits of the kids i guess is what cny now means...

and the steroid effect is over, brownee is beginning to be distressed again.......

sufficient for the day is the care thereof.