And another week......

A quiet week. Actually days have passed by rather quickly, and i am still behind in some tasks....

didnt have my walk...not up to it.

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I finally visited ah kor again. This is after two years...She is now 90. And this time, she has little recollection of who i am...she is not unwell, but is in a world of her own. tch attends to her day and night even with a maid. I guess that is what he wants. Whilst I have always felt he was over-indulgent to her, I have more respect for him than for folks that sent their parents to homes.

In a way, I was relieved she didnt quite remember me, although at a few points, she was certain she knew who I was and i think she did recall. tch said she has difficulty even with her own children. I was relieved because i really didnt want to talk, much less about the past, or about mum.

I have to admit, even as I observed her, for myself, i would wish for much less days, and be alert to the end. Both mum and dad were spirited, and they were alert to the end. In fact, I still hadnt wrote the last moments with dad...I really hope my days would be few and that I would not be a burden to anyone.....

I am thankful to make this visit. I want to clear all my duties, and with her, yes, there is a duty. Whilst she is still around. This time, it did not have that traumatic effect as it did two years ago. I have done my duty. I owe it to tch.

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was glad to meet up with some of the jwss kids. I hope they move on from here and do their best in their next lap....

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wc and her girl ruth were over for here for dinner mid week, and today was a good time together before they return to nz tomorrow.  The last 3 weeks have been refreshing, and i could see it made alot of difference to ls and ky, with the added fellowship. To me, i knew her in 1986, but she told me today, she noticed me in 1985.

I only wish to her, and to all my students, from whichever generation, that I would bear forth a faithful testimony, to the goodness of the Lord. In sharing my many troughs and tunnels, whether it was due to circumstances that may be beyond one's control, or to due to my countless faults and failures, it is the Lord's mercies that have preserved and kept me.

And if I have done any good to any of my students, it is because the Lord is good, and his mercies endureth forever.

And to those that i had failed, i really wish it was otherwise....

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To those who had asked how I am, and what is ahead, my reply is, really, i do not know. I hope, to teach one way or another, to impart what little i can to another generation...in my life, this is the most meaningful to me.

whilst i had not wished to be lonesome, honestly, i also know, had it not been so, i wouldnt have been able to spend the time i had with students. And that matters alot to me. If i have a chance to choose again, i would still have chosen to dedicate myself to teaching rather than raise my own family. Every conversation, and exchanges with the kids over whatever forms of communication is meaningful to me, especially as i see them grow through the various stages of life....and rarely a week passed, without hearing from one or the other from different era. I appreciate their sharing of their pathways and their thoughts, hopes and perplexities. One exchange with a thoughtful boy just now was meaningful. That is sufficient to make me happy.

How i am really is not important, and i am used to billows and storms, so really not important at all.  I only want to see my kids weather through their storms and be happy. I understand now about a generation begetting another generation.

So yes, i am content at the moment.....whatever lies ahead.... let my remaining days be meaningful....