update...

everyday, i managed to settle things bit by bit. Today, returned all nie library bks and paid my fine.

unexpectedly, had a long conversation with xxx. It was a good conversation, and I was gratified. There had been alot of misunderstandings, wrong assumptions that dated as far back as 3 years back. It wasnt that I didnt think of clarifying. I have learnt if the time is not right, whatever said would only be further misunderstood. I had noted a change in tone, and had only intended to just be cordial. So, when the other party had understood on her own the original positive intent that was cast in the 'wrong' light, and acknowledged things positively, I was actually happy. Whilst there was a tinge of , if these entangled mesh had been cleared earlier, would it have been different? I think no, everyone decides on the path they embarked for their own reasons. It could have helped, but that was not the crux.

Suffice for me to have the air cleared, a thing I had given up as being possible. So I was happy. Actually quite happy. Because I had put in alot of heart and care. I didnt expect that it would be remembered and appreciated.

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Had been planning what to cook for the kids coming on fri. Drove to cold storage in the evening. This is prob just about 4-5 times I had been to cold storage over the last 2 years. I avoided it. For over ten years, I brought mum every week to do groceries there.

Today for the first time, I could stroll along each aisle, recall and reflect. I cant describe the tranquility. I could face it finally.

I hadnt cook properly for 2 years. I know I am beginning to walk out of the tunnel, not by avoiding, but by facing it. Time really does heal.

Hadnt cook for so long, i am not sure what it would be like. But, i am excited! 14 of them! :)

I dont know what each day may bring, but i know the blessing of each day must not be taken for granted.