December

Today, finally, I closed all mum's matters. I should have completed them earlier. It wasnt that bad. But I just wasnt ready. Took S1 along so that well, there was a witness.

Alot of thoughts passed through my mind as I drove. If I could turn back the clock again, I would have done all I had for them, and much, much more. Particularly for dad. I wondered vaguely whether all these subconscious thoughts would appear in dreams, as it had.

But I told myself, must be positive and move on.

When we passed rv, we saw the erection of tent for funeral parlour. It was the passing of the neighbour's father - the last of that first generation of occupants. After we completed the tasks, S1 and I dropped by to pay our respects. rv is getting really run down. Quite a few owners had sold like me. The enbloc didnt take off. The sold units were rented mainly to foreigners. I heard at nite, there can be 30 bicycles parked there. Yes, I remembered the perpetual parking problem. Am glad to be out of that situation. I had to give in to so many people because having brought up there, I didnt want to break 'harmony'. When you consider for others, it always means you are at the losing end. I really was glad to get out of the place. It really was getting unsavoury.

The neighbour said I just disappeared, and never came back.

There is a song "Memories" from the show "The way we were" sung by Babara Streisland (i think), and the last line was

"Whats too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget".

Sometimes, that is necessary.

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Actually for the past 2 weeks and up to next week, practically every day, I met up with one or another among my friends, colleagues and students. Today, its el. She is keeping busy with varied teaching tasks. I have to admit, that is not what I would want. I would need to seriously consider....

Monday, I finally took a walk with kuech at macrirchie. I didnt realise it was so near to marymount station. It was a good walk. kuech said i was fit, cos the others she walked with gave up half-way and never came back again save claire. And she didnt slow down for me, so I am fit! Next week, 3 of us will walk again. Something nice for childhood/teenage friends to be together at this point of our life.

gratifying to be in touch with people i knew from a kiddie in primary school to secondary, jc, uni, and also students, and colleagues through the 5 schools I taught. Very gratifying.

there is one conspicuous gap though.... will that ever be breached?

whatever.

i can only wait....

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alot alot more matters yet to complete, must do so.