myriad of thoughts....

in some ways, today is the first easing-off day. By right it should have been yesterday. But the horrible pounding head made yesterday a total washout, and very unfruitful.

actually, i see and learn alot today. After invigilation, i got the opportunity to see some special learning programs and talk to a few people, and see things from different perspective. It added another dimension to me. I have always been conscious about the frog in the well analogy and had kept up with reading and thinking. But I realised sometimes seeing things first hand helps to broaden the scope. But most of all, its the enthusiasm of kids and of instructors that infuse the same kind of joy and excitement as I felt in classroom. Its such a joy to see kids learn, and through sound pedagogy.

someone wrote recently, there is no utopia in any place; but there is some utopia in every place. Alot of wisdom in these words.

On reflecting, these are my thoughts: Its not that when you see something works well, that can be translated or replicated. But one needs to appreciate what is positive. That five hours were really well spent. Still pondering the various viewpoints, particularly of one individual who is really an extraodinary math educator. Hope there may be yet opportunity for me to learn more from him.

I have to admit that which was quite inspiring was spoilt by that pop magazine from popular. Had gone there to get things that i promised kyc. Collected that in house magazine just on the way. When i got back and flipped through it, I was shocked to see the advertisements of so many tuition institutes. It took up 40 pages or more. And each purport to produce results backed by students testimony.

what kind of education landscape is this? If they are the reasons for students success (and i think some of their claims are true), then what is happening?

I suppose i should know. But in the past, there werent so many open advertisements. I thought when IP track was established, taking away one stage of exam, it would reduce reliance on tuition, and that would mean more focus on learning in school. But there were so many institutes that also came up with tuition for IP schools.

I am not against tuition. But it should only be a support for those who really need. Its the adviertisments tha troubled me. When such claims are made, what does it mean? Scoring 'A's is equivalent to education? I thought our society was moving towards higher values; to be more thinking. Whats this?

So I still live in my ideal dream. I remembered my teacher telling me, I was too idealistic, and will change when I grew up. Then when i grew up, my colleagues, my principal, my students said i was too idealistic. But cannot say I will change cos i still hadnt.

Its sad. But I wont change. At the height of 'hope', I did sometimes think there is a possibility of advocating for change.

But realistically, strength is ebbing. Actually i wanted to rest, but i have noticed some lapse is memory. I told myself, today is a meaningful day. I need to write, to keep record. Need to remember the positive. Am glad to have seen positive efforts by educators that care. What you cant change, dont bother. Keep ideals, and walk your own path.

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will slow down....and do a myriad of different things....thankfully, they are there....will abide by time to decide on the final course.

blss kids had kept in touch. Each of the boys are going thru their rough ride in their different ways. It is quite a consolation that they regarded me as a mentor, for assurance. Of course they are no longer kids, should be 22 by now. It reminded me of the meaningfulness of that stint . That was 6 years back. My energy level is really not the same. It wont be so easy when i undertake the adjunct teaching in a similar sch environment as blss. Though it is not a long term commitment, I should want to see the kids thru their O levels. Its not without worry, but whenever i hear from blss kids, it is a motivation to walk ahead. This is my service learning. And I hope it will bear some fruit.

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ls sister is critical. Last stage ca. And she is young. Who knows the number of one's days? its when one sees the reality of life, and the inevitableness thereof, one learns, see things in perspective and in proportion. Yes, we are all insignificant. Who remembers who has been, when who no longer be?

Am still a pelican in the wilderness....and no sparrow is watching.

The Lord alone is true. His mercies endureth forever.