pause....

just handed in an assignment awhile ago... the end of one module. One more major assignment, a group presentation and an exam and then i am done for this semester...2 more weeks to go...

then of cos year 3 exam next week first... things are roller-coasting and it will come to an abrupt halt somehow.

pause....

someone wrote that he didnt understand my rationale. sigh. actually neither do i. i do know however i need to pause...

i cant say i was not tempted to plunge into a few possibilities.

But, i should pause...
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i dont like nomadic life. but neither do i like systems. Not that i am not a system person.

I remembered many many years ago, the principal i respected most said in a semi reprimanding tone, you always want a system. I was angry with her then. I knew i was not wrong then, and in the issue, a couple of years later, they did adopt 'the system' I proposed. There was rationale and objectivity but it ran against the grain of what everyone was used to then. The important thing was the appropriate measure was taken, not who was right.

but that issue aside, her words struck me. Why did she say that? I was more perturbed that there was hidden wisdom in what she said that I had missed. There was some underlying principle that she perceived and i didnt understand. Nothing personal at all. I bore that in my mind and pondered.

some things require time, thought, experience, reflection. somewhere, somehow, i gradually understand. Not that i am able to explain.

yes system is neat, but it is soul-less. Efficient but very cold. True, there must be an organised structure of sorts, but what makes the structure alive is the content. Leaders with vision, principles and a family of people with warmth and harmony. And somehow the framework works.

System is like a building. But a home is a home. A 'structure', but with life...lively life.

Mere talk and show is what it is, talk and show. Facade will remain a shell. Vision far exceeds visible results.

Vision transcends to the intangible, inspires and exudes hope. Principles is the framework that holds up the structure. Unseen foundation that can hold up under strain are never built in haste. I apprehend why she saw that system is not the panacea of issues, though a structure helps to set up framework.

I also understand why leaders far exceed management. Actually manage is a relatively low level task. It speaks more of handling, exerting control. Brute force and a given title can do that. It wins neither mind nor heart. You know when thats all you are when you are stripped of title and authority.

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But leaders remain leaders. Almost daily these past weeks, I thought of her. Yesterday was her birthday. I didnt send her a card, hadnt for the last 2 years because of my own internal upheavals. But I will soon. I acknowledged her impact on me to every educator I meet. Its not that she did anything great. It was because she was an educator that leads with such a large heart, such a true vision, and was true to the cause of education to the end.

I will never forget her words, Publicity, good or bad, is bad. Again at that time, I couldnt quite understand. But I listened. I had said this before, listening is a lost art.Then I understood.

And now, nearly 20 years later, I can see, how wise she is. Publicity puts you in the limelight. Even if it is for good, that alone can cause you to lose your focus. Or worse, that may turn into your main, if not only, focus.

Result driven indicators can only lead to what it is intended: Results to be seen.

She was cryptic in her words, but very wise. She had her faults, but she is very well loved. Her unyielding principles, proven over decades of dedication, warm understanding and genuine care and love for children and staff with her made her the one and only one.

I guess at this time, feeling lost - remembering her, kindles the heart. It is true, a teacher cares, leads and inspires. Someone said that to me a year ago. I have not attained to that. At least, i know i care. And at least, i have seen and known and worked under, one who cares, leads and inspire. Few has such a privilege.

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sigh... how long will i pause? will there be another turnabout for me?