poignancy...

too many deadlines to meet numb the mind and soul.

in the end, it is my own assignments that suffer. This sem, my work is really substandard. Its probably not possible to keep gpa above 4.

but sadder than that is the realisation that the next 2 days will be the last lessons. Had deliberately block out thoughts of it, but subconsciously the sentiments surged forth during sleep...

still, i think it is a blessing to be able to end with such a lovely bunch of kids. Of the 4 years, this is my best teaching year. (sorry year 6). I cant explain why. Partly because I was involved with their curriculum from their year one, and had really 'watch over' this batch. Partly because there is something really sweet (though naughty!) about the kids. And most of all, they are always keen to learn. Close to 90% of the time. It was really a thrill to see their mind process in the way they listen, ask, argue, note down concepts etc. Actually there is alot to observe in how a child learns, and each in their own distinctive way.

whatever, there is that special feel. I would like to think it works both ways. I know it would be near impossible to recapture such an experience. First of all, there is only one special nush that allows for such a curriculum. And really the kids in this school, for all their skirmishes, are really keen to learn.

Age is not on my side. The gap will get wider with every passing year. As it is, to breach the gap, to reach out to them takes alot more energy than people realise. I had worried that I will lose that 'touch' in teaching, but the kids seem to enjoy the learning. So it cant be that bad.

it is good to end in a nice way. Actually these kids had really helped me by being so accepting of me. i hope i have really helped this batch, and taught them well, not just to sit for exams. But that their math foundation will be strong to take deeper content. And most of all, that they will address their attitudes, and grow up to be good people.

sometimes, i ask myself why i made this move. i wonder if tk is right...i know he never agreed with my decision, for my sake, at least not at this time... and i really respect his judgment. But when will be a good time?

It is hard, actually very hard to leave one's comfort zone, so hard that one almost wish to stay on....but I will move on.

I need to do my part for the less privileged kids. I darent wait till i may not have the chance to do so. No one can say when one's end will be. At least when i had spent at least a year with weaker kids, then i would fulfilled a little of my due to community. I should not wait until i am too tired, too old to do so. and next year is a good time since i would need the time also to complete my dissertation.

After that, then what? Don't know. See how things fall out...

At this moment, its that sense of poignancy of 'the last lessons' with these kids that hit me most ....

teaching is really so meaningful.... maybe because i always felt i will never made a good mother... teaching fulfils that maternal instinct... and most of all, through this means, it is a channel that one can teach values and build character....

ultimately when one reviews one life, 'success' is hollow, a public show, that will be outperformed, and be forgotten with new victors... it is values and character that give the depth and dimension to ones own being, ultimately you must be able to respect yourself, and your character alone wins true respect. And care for your loved ones, your family and friends.

On a side note, i am really relieved and thankful that so far, the emphasis has consistently focused on these aspects by the new minister. Honestly, i think it is a little too late..... but then..... better late than never.

and tomorrow is farewell to the year 6... o dear... all the partings..... i dont know if i am going to meet my assignment deadline. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh................