and the heart aches.....
actually the heart aches.
i really like the kids. i really have alot of joy in classroom. i really like to see kids think and learn. They have really been the highlights and the delight of my life this year.
And the more they appreciate me, the harder it is for me to leave. I did not expect it. I didnt think year one kids will really appreciate much of what i said. But they did. Much more than I expected. I only realised that in sept when a few wrote quite feelingly. It took me by surprise. I remembered wc's words....yes, beyond the facade, there are kids that felt lost. And unknowingly, I did reach to them. I didnt show that I was sadder than them, probably much sadder. I know its important not to show. I dont want to see anyone cry because of me. I want to point them forward, to be positive, to be brave, to appreciate what they have, to continue to learn from everyone through their learning journey.
Actually teaching is as much about building relationships and building rapport. And the kids are full of life....I looked out for each one of them, more especially for the quiet. I like being with them because i can be myself....Not full of defenses and wariness.
many would ask, why leave? its a question i did also ask myself. Not because i doubt myself. But in my nature, i would want to query myself....
i cant subscribe to a system, a 'brand' that i cant identify with; I am not prepared to go along with the culture of the majority, and 'worked as a team' in things i do not believe. I know this place is really not for me. I knew it when I started out...and considered over weeks, and was given a further period to reconsider. I did reconsider....in case it was just my failure to adapt and adjust.....and to the end, i still had the choice....but, in finality, i knew it is the 'right' decision, because its the decision that i can be at peace within.
I have long realised that being at peace with one within does not mean no heartaches. Actually, my life is full of heartaches. I feel too easily. I care too easily.
I dont know what lies ahead. There are some things i need to see to, to complete (if i ever complete) in the next two months. I hope next year will start without an albatross....and without too much of a wilderness....
I do wish, really wish that i can stay meaningful and relevant....i do know, school can sometimes gives one the wider impact....its been a very long time since i taught 120 kids in one go. Thats alot. Given time, alot can be done. But to do so so under a structure and system that i have to follow when it goes against the grain within....I no longer find there is a need to suffer it.
Also, health will not hold up under that kind of strain. I did leave the door open, and there can be opportunity to return for short stints. But only if its going to be meaningful and where an impact of value can be made.
I am happy that it has been a fruitful and very meaningful stint. And i guess heart aches is part of the price to pay.....
as to what lies ahead....live each day meaningfully....a little something for a little someone.
================================
This was the good bye message sent to all via Edmodo platform ( I rather like this means of communication with the kids) and capturing their responses....every word means alot to me....they probably dont realise how much their words count....because like the kids who put their heart and life into their music, their art, their writing, their photography... i really give my heart and life to teaching and to my kids.
Dear all,
Time to say Good-bye. Yes, I will still be in school next week, but in the quick cursory greetings, its not possible to convey my thoughts. My link with this Edmodo will end when my rgs email terminates which should be 30 October 2014. I will miss this platform for it is really a good means of communication.
First of all, Let me say, thank you very much. I really enjoy teaching every class. Yes, every class. Despite, the flashes of anger, at times disappointments, given a choice, I would not change anything to have this experience with you. Every one of you. My regret is, I was not able to help each one of you.
I am fully aware that I could appear to be intimidating to some of you, and resulted in the reluctance of a few of you to approach me. I do know who you are. But time not being on my side, I was not able to reach out to you. And I do feel bad. Actually quite bad.
For some of you, though I have impacted you, it was not sufficient for you to cultivate a habit of continual learning and constancy. Please remember that hard work always pay off. And last minute dash, however successful it may be sometimes, is short lived. Math has to be build on a foundation of skill and concepts. Not by sheer blind practice, and guessing what will or will not come out.
I have enjoyed almost every classroom lessons. I actually like it best when I see you all thinking during class graded exercises and tests. Ultimately that is the objective, not 'tormenting' you in tests, but to see you all think, and applying what you learn. There were some moments in classroom I came out feeling very happy when I see you all learn and understand. Those moments I value very much.
It requires discipline to build up a habit of learning, and growing. Don't study because of marks. Study because it develops your mind, and mental capacity. Be positive. Be responsible for your learning. And find the joy of doing so. Cultivate the frame of mind, instead of complaining and comparing.
I also need to thank the girls who took the trouble to write notes to me......your words were of immense encouragement to me....like all of you, sometimes one can also be down, no matter how strong or wise. Reading your notes made it all worthwhile. I do also appreciate the gestures of thanks shown. Sorry, I didnt acknowledge them earlier. I considered, and thought its best to leave till this moment so that I can keep professionalism. Thank you very much indeed.
For me, it has been a wonderful and fruitful year of teaching because of all of you. I will remember you. :)
My email address is siokhui.sie@gmail.com. Keep working hard, and remember A chain is a strong as its weakest link. Wishing you all every good that life can bring for you,
Sincerely yours,
SH Sie
posted by ssh at
11:33 PM
I actually hoped that you might continue teaching our class...enjoy your time without us though HAHAHA :)