Countless blessings

yes, i am fully aware it has been a long time since i last posted.

in terms of events, given my present schedule, it should be relatively eventless.

it does not mean however that there is a dearth of reflections. In life's changing phases, and depending on the phase, a soulful person's flow of thoughts does not recede.

Flow of thoughts can flow into the stream of quietude....

there is also a time for everything, including when to write, what to write.
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As at this moment, i want to make it a point every night to count my blessings. I said to chris (my piano teacher) this morning, that its been ten years with her. And that has been one of my great blessings.

There were several factors why I started picking up music so late in my life. And very honestly, i didnt expect to persevere. That was why i only got a second hand clavinova to tinkle with at the start. It was Chris that is the key factor in helping me believe I can take music seriously and make progress. When I finally decided to take it seriously and go for exams, I got myself a grand upright, one of my prized possession. The first distinction i got from the grade 3 exam was really the result of her patience and continual belief in me. That I progress to grade 5, and have kept up with it till now, has alot to do with her.

Chris is a very unassuming lady. When i lose interest in playing, I will get her to play pieces for me, and seeing her play, and hearing the music will always motivate me to try to reach a higher level. Since mum's illness however, I really kept up music as a habit, and hardly practised. I think I would have stopped had it not been that i do enjoy the weekly lesson. She is very accommodating, and even when there are times, I could hardly a play a grade 2/3 piece, she remains positive. When I stopped for two intervals, she never queried. She took me back whenever i was more ready.

A few weeks ago, i really felt I was really getting nowhere, so i asked her if i can pick up Richard Clayderman's pieces. I know some die hard purist classical musicians may not consider his pieces for lessons. But Chris always let me choose what i want to pick up.

I will never be a fluent and good pianist. But it is really lovely to be able to play out a tune that one likes. I progressed and overcome difficult areas that i had thought was not surmountable. And as i overcome, I realised also it is not impossible for me to try to clear the next hurdle. So i said to her last week, register me for grade 6. I had picked up somewhat a piece for each category, but had said to her before, i wont take the exams. I changed my mind. I want to reach as much fluency as i can. She was very surprised, but always supportive.

Today, I said to her, its been ten years. And she said, yes, We are friends. And so we are. What a blessing

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I am glad I can play some nice music that i like for myself. What i love most about music is, it is wordless. The sounds carry your thoughts, your hopes, your disappointment, your sadness, your joy....the many inward flow that words will never suffice.....

.wordless....understood only by the player and the listener.

It is a blessing to me, that I am able to play music.

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 I just wrote this in an email to a more than 3-decade friend,

"And at the end of each day, I still feel I am so blessed to have so many people that i can thank, that if i will open my mouth and ask for help and support, they will assist."

That means I have received so much of goodness!

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blss boys came over for dinner on friday, 6 of them. This had been long overdue for the help that some of them had given me that had now given order to this place. I was not up to it to cook a full meal, only curry, but we had steamboat and i think, it was a good time for all.

I realised again, this is another of my blessing, I really enjoy the company of these kids, now 23, growing up to be men. From a once a year meet, to twice a year, we have now close the  gap to every quarterly. I am really gratified.

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The next gathering here, I hope, would be when gerlynn returns in march/april. I hope i get to see them....

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Another kid, R, had asked to drop by for a chat, so we met up yesterday for a good 3 hour conversation. I was really surprised that he could remember things that I had spoken some 4 years back. It brings alot of comfort. It was a thoughtful conversation, as R seeks for depth.

I realise also that one needs to be consistent to bear a testimony. When young, it is easy to have dreams and ideals, and momentary impulse.  As one weaves through life, our various deeds and words get woven into the garment that is seen more distinctly with the passing years....

Youth have energy that they assumed is what life is about. And graspng for what they want, and to 'enjoy' are often their definition of 'living'. Actually, your life is what you looked back and see the fruition/ the portrait that have been painted in the passage of time, the 'house' that you have built of your life......

I looked back with shame at my youth, and saw how i have squandered so much away....but am grateful also for all the conflicts and seeking that led me to the present transient stability.

in any way, where i can help any youth, it is a blessing to do so. Yes, and to be a teacher, and to be able to teach, is a great blessing....

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The fact that i can only think of blessings, and any negatives are really negligible, is really a solace. Its no longer counting blessings. It is really countless blessings.

I remember again Emily Dickinsons's poem

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.


I think, I can say, I have not live in vain. And that is a great blessing.