Family ties

For the first time I can ever remember, every member was here at the same time, at the same place. The closest was that last christmas for mum in 2009 at sk's place. But then, two persons were missing. j2 suggested taking a family shot, and we did, an amalgam of 4 families with extended members, 20 in all. And me on my own, yet the only one that can get all under one roof yearly. I was glad to see the next generation interacting. I did it for them.

I did alot to make this happen this year. Actually, i really had to take several deep breath, to go through the cooking. I did three of mum's dishes, favourite to all. Two of them were successful replicate, especially the pig's stomach soup. Honestly as I went through the preparation over the week, so many familiar scenes flashed into my memory. I was always the only one that helped mum. Actually, cny's eve was always the sad part. There had been times, it was only mum, dad and myself as the rest all had reasons to be elsewhere. It was especially hard when dad was immobile due to stroke. B2 was the only. one that came over with his family to have the reunuin dinner., for a few years. That I will never forget. I knew it meant alot to mum.

Mum being a super cook, I was naturally relegated the non-essential tasks. As a result, no one in my own family knew I could cook and I made no effort at all the last 3 years. It took all by surprise that I was going to, and that I managed to do so. But what they will never know is the inner turmoil doing it. At a few points, I did want to cry. But I didnt. I am still me.

Mum kept everyone together by her food. Her grandchildren always talked about her curry and her soup. I wanted to do her justice by continuing her tradition. And I knew I could. S1 did one dish and she did that well. Good for her! I am protective of S1. There is also a story, I will write one day.

 It was however, punishing, to do all on my own. Thankfully, P accompanied me for the shopping of groceries a few days ago, and was at my place at 10 this morning to help and left not long ago after all the cleaning up. That was really appreciated especially when aches and pains of various sort creep in with time.

Now in the quietude of my own company, 很多感慨。Some weeks ago, there was an exchange in messages between me and a younger generation member. In trying to work out a solution toward an unresolved matter, he wrote,' sorry that it got into this stage, hope i dont lose your trust or whatever that is left."

That touched me actually. I was disappointed for some months. I replied, " I hope you will keep yoru word and fulfil your promise. I kept the harmony in our complicated familie ties over the last 30 years by sacrificing and never raising money issues with any one. I did my duty as if I was the only child....... I want you to understand this.....you must learn responsibility and sort this out first.....Please earn back my trust because I really want to help you."

They all knew it was true. I hope, I really hope, to see the next generation growing up to be responsible and managing their lives well.

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What are family ties? We can choose friends. We cant choose our family.

I have always prefereed to be with friends over family. Mainly because, there is no thread of understanding. I am very different in so many ways. I am out of place in the family. Had always been.

But family is not about 'I' or preference. I always understood this clearly. Bonds that matter require a putting aside of yourself. The reason for keeping bonds is not in what you get, or what the other person is. It is the bond itself that matters and that is valued. It could be family bonds, friendship bonds, bonds with students and to me, above all, bonds in Christ.

Things descend downwards when one turns it to be ego-centric or one gets into a critical frame. It can make things very ugly. Sometimes, there are genuine issues. But in all issues, one needs to know one's valuation. With years, one has the benefit of experience and temperance, and wisdom.

And I know mine valuation. In my mind, I have finally cleared the 'accounts' and wrote off many things and closed them finally. Accounts known only to me. Whilst there had been times I did wish things had not been it were for me as a kid, I have been mercifully preserved, and that I am where I am today, with so many blessings, I am thankful. 

 My 'family' will probably never be among my soulmates. My mind is in a differnt realm somehow from them. But, I think I know I will be there for them. And I want to be there for them. And I hope, I will bear  a faithful testimony to them, to the end.

Whether they are there for me or not doesnt matter that much. I dont count on it, and trust in the Lord's mercies for my latter days.

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I have alot to be thankful for especially many dear friends and ex-students. The setting up of  this place, the many tokens of the goodness shown to me is everywhere. When I looked around me, I am amazed that I have so much. Actually its my friends, more than any family members that had helped me with this place.

And to the few old friends from my childhood and youth, I do value them deeply. Especially at this age where frailities are beginning to set in. I am touched by kuech and ttk. Because they knew me, each in their own way, their going the extra mile for my health and welfare is a comfort. I dont take anything for granted.

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The Lord is good and merciful. Charity never faileth.