miscellaneous....and choices

since there was no lesson today, and most of the kids will be having exam on another subject, i decided to take the day off.

Its now quite hard to get into the mindset of the readings. although i have tried to keep that up, i realised to start writing seriously, i really need to immerse into it, and i am still unsettled with the kids exams still hovering. Time is running out, i know....hope somehow i can warm up to it...

havent seen alot of people for some time, and lunch was pre-arranged for catching up. Ironically, the person who arranged it couldnt turn up. It was good to see the others though, 5 of them, more than i had expected. It was nice to see all of them, but conversations were kept at surface level, cos not all are close buddies. And it always centre on education...

Lunch was at this new place called Star Vista? I was so proud of the fact that i actually got to a new mall (opened just a couple of weeks?). Buddy knew i am always 'left behind' in new things, so, he would always try to get me to 'somewhere new'. Yes, i really missed the company.

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Later in the day, it was good to catch up with Y. Though we had met a couple of times in education events, we had not caught up with conversation. Y was my student from my second school, nearly 20 years back, and now a teacher herself. I was surprised and glad she remembered the lessons in school, the debates, the discussions, the community projects that the class did, when there was no such thing as cip. What was introduced as new 'programs'  in her school, she did not see them as new as that was her experience in school. She realised now that alot of things that were in the lessons at her time were never in the 'O' level requirements.  She remarked that i had not changed after all these years.

I must say, that is a consolation. It was a very tough time when i taught her batch, which was actually my favourite batch of that school. I remembered the many, many trying times, with dad bed bound by stroke, and mum, on the verge of cracking up,  unable to take the strain any further. Maid's levy at that time was 300+, and my pay was very low. Mum didnt want me to bear that extra cost, but she couldnt take it either. And dad was also frustrated at home.

In the end, i had little choice...rather than sending him in and out of hospital to give mum some relief, I had to make the painful choice to put dad to the nursing home to give mum a break. I rarely cried, but that occasion I did, when I accompanied dad to the nursing home. It was heartbreaking to me. I couldnt believe that of all people, i should have to send dad to the nursing home....it just wasnt right....but i had no choice....

Mum was relieved, and in a way that was also what dad wanted. He somehow thought he may be better looked after. He wasnt... though I chose what was one of the best.  And It was exhorbitant, but mum didnt realised that.  I had to turn to sst to help with the cost. It was the first time that I had to open my mouth to ask for help. I had to tell her my bank account had reached nil. It literally reached 0. I had already worked for 9 years then. And yet, it was down to nil, with so many needs yet to meet.....and pressures from other quarters as well....sst was always kind to me.....

I dont how people can leave their folks at 'homes ' for long. It was really painful. I managed to persuade mum to get a maid and took dad back within 3 months.

Teaching then was my consolation. That was 1994 Nov. It was also the O levels at that time....I remembered that scene well... talking to Y, those days came to mind...

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I mentioned to her that was a difficult personal period. She was surprised and said she wouldnt have known at all. She asked how old I was then. I was younger than she is now.....I was really glad. At least, I upheld professionalism.

Y mentioned something quite striking. How professional is teaching? In some professional occupation, to reach a certain level of seniority, there is a need to clock a certain amount of experinece to attain to a level of expertise. And that has to be tested. Medical field in particular. For instance, in an area of specialisation, there must be a stipulated amount of cases for one to acquire the practical experience to reach an expertise level.

It is not unknown that this is not the case in many instances where education field is concerned here.

Whatever.
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In both conversation with my lunch buddies, and to Y, I guess what I am doing this year doesnt make much sense. Especially when there is minimal progress with the dissertation.  I am 'throwing away' my 'career' in teaching in stepping out from an established realm..... to a part-time/relief stint which is occupying me full-time.

But I said to them, and to her, when you received just one of those letters the kids wrote, it is priceless.....  Its really really worth it. 

If I was to make a choice again, I will still make the same choice