Believing in the kids....

I read through the posts last year, and was glad i had kept record of thoughts and events, some of which i have forgotten. I actually thought some of the posts were rather good! :)

I told myself, I must keep up the habit, of capturing moments in words, so that i will remember them.....there are things i dont record. i firmly believe in the left hand not knowing what the right hand do. If i do put them down, then it is usually because of thoughts that go with it.
 
I arrived at school today (now yesterday) late morning, (I dont keep usual reporting time, since I am an ajunct staff), and was surprised that the form teacher of one of the class i teach passed me a note from one of the kids. It was a nice note, and rather unexpected. Gradually, over the day, I realised that as it was the 'graduation' day of the batch next week, the kids were given coloured papers which they are encouraged to drop notes of thanks to the teachers over the next few days.
 
a few more came in later... its always the thought that counts....and its appreciated....this time, most of the notes are from the guys. I thought it was unusual. Most chaps wont write. Among those who gave the small notes, were three chaps that are on my 'least favourite list', whom I have cross swords again and again. So, I was surprised. The girls have written very sweetly for Teachers' day.
 
These notes are the sustenance of a teacher. I took them out to read again, and I realised, there is a common thread, from the good students to those, well, not-so-good... and the thread is......... believing in them.

some of their words...

"...thank you for teaching me math although i keep making you angry.....thank you for being so patient...."
 
"thank you for teaching me math. I feel blessed to be your student. Although I am a bad student, but you believe in me..."
 
"thank you for being patient with me and tolerant with my attitude. With your guidance, I am able to see the path of light you were guiding me to. If it werent for you, I do not know what plight I will be."
 
"..i used to hate math and had a fear for maths......you are the most determined teacher that still believes that there is hope for us....."
 
"...you are the only teacher that I have met that believed in her students so much...."
 
".....thank you for not giving up on us....."

"thank you for being my inspiration"
 
".....you are the first teacher that i have met who teaches and encourages me not to give up...."
 
".......thank you for letting me see math in a new light......thank you for not giving up on me when I disappointed you really badly....."
 
"....even though I always said I wanted to give up, u did not give up on me and encourage me. Thats the reason why I want to make it through this journey..."

 ================================
Its both sad and touching.    I dont care for being 'nice'/'great'/'awesome' whatever these adjectives are supposed to mean. Its that they felt a sense of their worth that matters to me. 

Actually all the kids asked for......... is to believe in them....
 
Its easy to believe in well-behaved kids/diligent kids/ conscientious kids/ attentive kids.
 
Its not so easy when the positive qualities are not noticeably present.... to put it bluntly, conspicuously absent. And with  results quite far from being glittering..., its not easy. i am never sure which is the cause, which is the effect, even till now....
 
Its not so easy when it seems most times they are not helping themselves. And worse, at times, almost destructive to themselves and others...., its really not easy.
 
Teaching is about the kids. Not about the teacher teaching. Not about how hard teachers work, or what teachers do.
 
The focus is the kids, how to help them really learn...however negative things may be....

Its the kids, nurturing and developing their mind, and their persons.
 
The teacher, activities, content are the vehicles to do them. How to enforce discipline, how to manage the class, how to carry out the lessons, how to ensure learning is effected, how to impart values is where the craft of teaching comes in. It doesnt come overnight. And it doesnt assume willing learners.
 
To say, I had not wavered would be untrue. There was a time, i did give up in one short term teaching stint, despite having 15 years of teaching experience by then. I remembered that well. In that particular stint, i wasnt prepared. I didnt understand my learners. I expected them to be what i expected them to be. I failed. Where i failed, I did note, many teachers continued. And I learnt the issue was equally, actually more in me, than in the kids. Whatever their misdemeanour.
===============================

Since then, I learnt. And I believe in all my kids, and know its important to convey that to them. They are still kids. Its at this formative stage that the most 'good' can be done, to deflect them from paths we dont wish them to tread. 

The kids must be the focus. We need to see in each of them, an individual, each with their own characteristic. I want them to see for themselves that they have that in themselves to be developed. And though they did not take themselves, lessons, and life seriously, one has to persevere to the end for the message somehow to get through. This does not come in the short term.
 
Actually things did caught me off guard in a few aspects. I didnt expect and didnt realise I had to work so hard this year.  But I knew I had to. If the kids dont see the improvement for themselves, they will not be able to believe in themselves. Everyone needs hope to believe. They didnt know the meaning of hard work. I had to show them. And they saw. Children learn what they see. Example is better than precept.
 
Did i expect to succeed? Actually no, I wasnt sure. I dare not have too much expectations. Actually, there have been quite a few moments that I despair.I only know I must do my duty to the end. If they did not respond, I have to evaluate myself, and my approach....and this i do daily.  
 
It helps to have experience. And above all, i know, charity never faileth.
==============================
 
There are 2 more weeks to the end. Whatever their results, these words have justified this year of my life.

Not that I think the results would not be forthcoming. I think if they can sustain their momentum and have confidence, for most, if not all, i hope they would and should see their best attainment in math. 
 
so, yes, it has been a long time since i felt this sense of encouragement for myself. I realised I do not have the energy to do another bout like this again. But its really worthwhile. For all the material 'losses', and I guess, the tinge of disappointment that I would probably not graduate next year unless i convert out of the dissertation path, i think its a small price to pay if these few months have helped built some confidence in the kids, and give them some hope and encouragement.
 
For those that teach, and would-be teachers, believe in your kids. Everyone, however unteachable they may seem, can be taught. It is labourous, and can be thankless. We cant give up, because if we do, they will. lt doesnt matter which system one teaches in. Ultimately, its us and the kids.
 ===============================
i am thankful. Very tired. But very very thankful. Especially because...... I didnt expect it. I am comforted.

Charity never faileth.