quiet reflection...

Time for some quiet reflection....actually alot has happened...
1) Starting the year with a sad event had had alot of impact on me.... i guess after a loss, each kid means more to me....and i guess i worry a little more...so fb came in useful to follow their ups and downs etc...

2) Though ls managed to have some blur sight, my feel is, she is unlikely to be able to hold on her job for long. In a way, i have always dreaded this op, that was supposed to be necessary. I am thankful she is not left in total darkness.... but it is going to be hard for her from now... and with her sis deteriorating condition, and may not last out the year... i hope, i hope to be able to walk her through the remaining days of our earthly pilgrimage....

how things fall out from here will also affect future plans....

3) sk is also 'retiring' from her 30+ years of service... she survived 8 (?) retrenchments...and its time to go. I worry.... but then, i always worry. She wants to go into early/special education. I hope her dreams come true.

4) I know to some extent, what I wont continue after this year....packing schedule with teaching.... i guess teaching will really be a much smaller part in the days ahead...

i do not want to spoil my memories of teaching....it has been the sweetest part of my life despite some down moments.... however idealistic, one needs energy to carry through ....

To me teaching is an art, and its best to leave it before the decline come in sharply....i dread it when the day should ever come when my teaching has little value....

i am not sure whether teachers motivate students more or students motivate teachers more... i need motivation....sigh... nevertheless, actually there are really alot more students at present that motivate me... actually 90% of the kids are trying ... must NOT focus on the 10%.... sigh.... battle all over again tomorrow....

5) By the time, I next update, I hope I will meet the next deadline i.e. 1 March and submit my research proposal for ethics approval. I MUST FOCUS! Actually, the Masters course is the part that I enjoy most at this time.

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I feel heavily the weight of age... there is alot i really wish to do, but.....

I keep reminding myself:

1) Keep Positive. See the glass half full! And there are alot, alot, alot to be thankful for!

2) Try to work for a win-win situation. Rest; Reflect; Re-charge; Re-strategise.

Every child you manage to turn round, hopefully means more stability for all in the days ahead. Its not the grade that matters. Its the attitude. That is education. And no one ever said that was easy. No point reacting, even if you are right.

Funny, it was when i was chatting with xxxx that i got this perspective right. I realised I must trudged on, no matter how frustrated. And this was what I wanted to do, for this year. REMEMBER!!!

Take a DEEP breath. Dont give up!

3) Live each day meaningfully for others. We only pass through this way but once....bear in mind. Dont stop living because of worry.....