............

over the past 15 months or so, when sk related her going to mt e with yl, she would always say, how she hated the familiar feeling.....of those days some 5 to 6 years back. these two days, i fully felt what she said. every step, every corner is all too familiar....and it still hit home.

inadvertently, i read through the posts of feb 2010....tonight sk, zg and d are keeping vigil....likely to be the last night...i am not there, yet i am there. i know what it feels. sk said, zl asked why are we going through this again and again....even zl still hold the pain of mum. what more us? i remembered the night of 14 jan to 15 jan 1999. i remembered the night of 7 feb to 8 feb. actually both times, i protected sk from it. I insisted she went back. this time, she has to go through it...i am sorry. at least zg is with her.

yl really suffered...its painful to see her suffering....its painful to see her dying...its painful. its going to be hard this time round with the end, because her kids are so young. d has been a very very very good chap, both to yl and to their kids. its going to be very rough the next few days. Because i am not directly involved, all the more, i must keep composure and looked after each of them. If i feel the pain so deeply, what more them?

must tide through this storm. letting words flow here helps. somehow, in person, i do not know how to let out whats within.

writing is good...this is the place of solace to me.....