and the tunnels are through....

 Key event this month, T and B passed their 12th year on 3rd march. I am so grateful. 12 years.

time has really flowed....rather fast....somehow, in no time, is the end of a day.

sometimes, nothing really 'much' is done....again, depending on how defines what 'much' is. I can whittle away quite a few hours in the kitchen these days, not substantial cooking, but decent preparation? yes, i now do take trouble to cook at least a couple of days a week. For T and B, daily.

I dont quite know how to explain how time passes. When i think of how packed my schedule had been in time past, from school, to pusses, to tuition, to people....really, now is really a luxury. More importantly, the frame is good.

It has been a very very long time, that I can finally say without any baggages, that the frame is good.  T and B 12 years say alot. And the tunnel stretched back another 12 years. And before that, yet another tunnel....so, to say the frame is good...its really good.

I no longer look at the past, and feel the pinch. I can look at the tunnels, and know all is left behind. I can wake each day, without feeling the dread of another day. Nor do I need to look for something to live for.  I can just occupy each day as it is. No reason is needed. And yes, am quietly happy. Unrelated to anyone, any event. Just living in simplicity. Not merely existing, and enduring or being driven by duty or work. Its really unreal, almost unbelievable sometimes that I can feel thus and it has been so for the last 2 weeks.

I am  very thankful to be able to write these words. I never thought it could be possible to reach such a frame. There had been ripples, but they are ripples. I learn to see things in perspective and weighing against the weight of eternity ahead, usually nothing really matters when placed in the balance.

The dissertation is back....yes, the amendments would be tedious, but not unmanageable. Took a tcm exam last week, didn't study as I should, cleared the mark unimpressively. Its okay. What is important is, I must understand the concept of application. Not the score. B has been making progress, marginal, issue is still present, but i am grateful for tcm that had helped her to have some recovery. Even dr N agreed tcm has worked better. And watching out for kids....some not doing as well, some moving forward.... seeing them grow matters to me.

I fret much less and a steady strength in the inward parts is building. I know not what a day may bring and i know reserves must be built. What good I can do this day, I want to continue to do. And I remain grateful to those who have helped me attain to this frame: the recovery of health in particular with many thanks especially to zh and the support, care and  constant companionship of friends ls, ky, j, k and g. Above all, the gift of faith to believe and trust in God who changeth not. As the father pitieth his son, so the Lord pitieth them that love him.

I am indeed blessed. To come to this point. And what lies ahead, still the same, a little something, for a little someone, everyday.