Of medical sciences,tcm, death and faith.

If one thinks everyone can assume the luxury of being able to lie down and rest especially when tired or ill, i have to say that it really is an assumption. Yesterday was the first night that I managed to somewhat lie down and sleep through. And I think the worst really is over.

 For four running nights, after ten, coughing fits rule the night. Then a strange calm around 4am. I did figure out about the block airway and the reclining position. 2 nights I took the western medication, only to end up exhausted with drowsiness and no sleep. Tcm has no dramatic impact, somewhat reduction, then by the third day, significantly the decongestion was cleared by the herbs and the food that I cooked.

why did i turn to tcm? And doing so, why did i take western medicine? Ironically, sk who was more familiar with the doc that i went to, told me the doc herself takes tcm....

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The issue of medical sciences has been something I have wanted to write about, but because of the pain when i recall mum and dad, I have refrained.

I wont go into alot of my thoughts. But just some basics, which interestingly, one of the lecturers mentioned last week. She said, people die in hospitals nowadays. In time past, people die at home. Some, not necessarily with illness. Just of old age. They passed on.

Yes, there are many illnesses that have been ratified through hospital treatment. I dont discount the much good that many have profited, especially cases of heart attack. I am only speaking for myself. And in time past,  doctors are of a much higher calibre in terms of character and true compassion, who are not reduced to interpreters of technological wonders of diagnosis, and who treat and care for each patient as a person.

I saw both mum and dad's last days. In the depth of my heart, I wish both had passed on at home. But in both cases, I didnt have a choice. I fully understand dad's struggle against all the tubes...that night when I was the only one with him in the ward....when he grabbed my hand so tight...after I asked him please dont pull at the tubes.....had i had more understanding then, and had more capability and influence then, I would have made his last days more homely and natural. In both cases, there was not one doctor amongst the many, that truly cared for them. That was what I found so painful. Safe the gp that saw mum and felt things were amiss. Alas, her skills were not sufficient to detect how serious things were.

That phase for myself is not that far away. Twenty years is probably the cap. My intuition tells me sooner, and I am contented about it. But, I admit, the discomfort needs to be managed. And the reactions of family members. Whilst, my mind is clear, I think I will have the final say. But that may not always be so.

And sometimes, against what I may personally want, I have to take 'approved' routes so as not to cause hurt. For example, had i not take the antibiotics last week, and the fever persist, then, the blame would have gone to tcm. I was tempted to try tcm all the way, but given the circumstance, I didnt. I also note that tcm physicians however good are wary of things going awry, and that would affect their reputation. There are a good number of mediocre ones, where you dont get worse, but you wont get better. All the more, I should be careful of not causing concern to a good one when I have benefited.

Is tcm a fad? I dont bother with fads. Nor do I go on the recommendation of anyone. But I do know the thousands of years of history of the largest race with their own form of medical treatment cant have totally no basis. Its how to sieve out hearsay, fables from what is the true essense.

There is no medical system that is a cure all, fool proof to heal all illness. Illness and death are constants in life. But tcm is, to me, the more natural means of remedy. The observations of sages who were physicians were recorded in books that are medical classics and a must-read for all who wants to learn tcm. So astute are their observations of patients and their conditions with respect to changes within a day, the atmosphere, the daily events that affect the emotions, diagnosis of a good physician is trained on observations, not merely visible, but smell, how the patient speaks, apart from taking the pulse and looking at the tongue. 望，闻，问，切。

This in itself convinced me more than a doctor facing the computer, busy keying in information, dishing out blood tests forms, and other kinds of forms. And key checks like temperature, blood pressure are left to nurses as technicians. I have no issue with the use of these instruments to help give indication, and really think a chinese tcm should not refrain from it as it does give a full overall picture. But when it all comes down to data that translate into whatever drugs, well....

I agree that it is actually much much harder to be a really good tcm practitioner. First of all, the mastery of their theory to aid deduction of root of illness, which is not symptomatic. Personally, I find it hard to grasp. Then, the observation must be sharp, and the correct judgement is vital. After which, the knowledge of the herbs, the quantum, the balance, all adds up. It is quite intriguing. And they do accept, only this much can be done. There are cases where nothing else can be done.

I have to admit, I am averse to many of the western medical procedures, hailed as advances. I dont use terms like quality of life. Life is life. It has in beginning and end from God who giveth us breath. Illnesses is one of the ways where our body tells us we need to scale down, rest. The drive to keep achieving, grasping has made many, if not most to have taken our breath and life as our right, without any regard to a Higher Being. The most arrogant, the most capable, the most able, when reduce to strengthlessness, I wonder what they think of. They are still in control? Of life? Really?

Tcm to me is not that be all and end all route. None is. I take on to it because it really is herbs that are intelligently combined for various unwellness in the body. And I do believe that breath is the key to the workings of our human body, which they call 'qi' . Only, like too many wise men, most do not acknowledge God.

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This whole episode indicates alot to me within. The verse in Psalm 90, where psalmist prayed, "So teach us to number our days,that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom, "now take a different meaning to me. I think it is a great mercy to be able to prepare for this last phase.

 I have to re-evaluate the things I wish to do, and accomplish before the days of my pilgrimage ends. Key of all, I dont want anyone to be upset. I want to be a cause of rejoicing when brought to remembrance. My heart is still very much in education. I have managed to revive my dissertation, and really hope to finish it. Most likely tcm course would have to go since I would never be able to use it to great profit. But I will hang on while I still have the space to manage in time and strength to accumulate the knowledge.

And thereafter, I hope, I will start penning down things in some order in books, which may leave to be of some help to others. I remembered the three objectives why, despite for my own preference for privacy, known to many, yet I have kept a blog that can be accessed widely.

First of all, I needed to write, for my own survival. I need an outlet for my thoughts, and sweetly, the kids didnt mind being my audience. I will always be grateful to the kids, not just the 2011 batch. The 2014 batch, ie. this year, year 5 is also another very special group.

Then, I hope somehow, this will be a springboard to organise my thoughts and embark on some writing. I have yet done that, but it will be a springboard. Time is now important to me, whether it be a few days or a couple of decade left.

Finally, I want, most of all, to bear forth a faithful testimony, of my christian faith to the very end. It is one's walk in life, not what one says. It's a walk amongs others, not merely in seclusion, and thereby being seen to be 'odd'. I remember Lee Wei Ling once wrote an article that to her, christians or non christians made no difference, because she noted from her obervations, that both were scared of death.

Why is one a christian? Why do one believe? To go to church? Just to make a profession? To have blessings upon this earth? To ask for healing because one is sick? When each person has reached the end of himself/herself through each their circumstance, they will be able to answer for themselves. I have noted some people spend their time being critical, and they could be right in some of their views, but that does not bear forth a testimony, or made them know the truth.

I wont answer for others. I will only answer for myself. I love the Lord because he first love me. I have walked the passage of this earth, and through the manifold ups and downs, I am grateful, for ratifying what I could, sincerely asking for forgiveness in the things I couldnt; and for the remaining days, to do what i can for others, whilst having such a glorious hope of the world to come, wherein dwelleth righteousness.

I dont want to wait till, one is really at the end of the road to say this. I want to say this now, because to me, this is what i am preparing for, the world to come. And leaving behind whatever i can to help my fellow friends. Doesnt matter how long from now. I want to prepare from now. Not that I hadnt been. Otherwise I would not be in such a comfortable state of mind. To me, what is seen as an end in this world is not the end. It is the beginning of that which I have sought for in my faith.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. By it, the elders obtained a good report.

And this testimony I want to hold to the end, most of all, in this blog, that is now the companion of my life. I should hope to write more often. :)