distraction...

i was an avid reader, i read countless books and some over and over again to delve into the character and life....and that as young as 9?10? I read every book i can find in the library... i actually read wuthering heights a few times at 11, and lived and feel the character... there was no abridged version then..., and i think i understood the character, heathcliff....

i was not too keen with tv....cant say i was ever impressed with local tv sequel because of the thin story line...but hk ones, yes... i get drawn....

but for many many reasons, i laid off both reading and watching tv, from undergraduate days? for 20+ years? Yes, even reading....

yet in many ways i dont have to read fiction or watch tv drama...... as i grew up in a drama filled backdrop... and there were far more 'real' than 'reel' life than i ever wanted.....


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as things slowly grind to a slower pace recently, i have took on to going to sk's place to spend an hour or so in the evening now and then, and inadvertently ended up following some serial... and somehow was really 'hooked' to this hk drama sequel.... and am really angry with myself for this indulgence...

i recently found out that it was an award winning serial, with a strong and meaningful story line...and strong casts.....so well, i have good taste?

but i have to admit it is partly because of identification with some underlying themes...this ld pointed out rather perceptively.....

i suppose for myself, i have always looked for a 'hero'/'heroine' to emulate, to lead. And i also know how important it is for the one who has to make the call, to have the support especially when times are rough. And it is tragic to follow the wrong one. Quite tragic. And when there are people you care for in the trap following the wrong 'leader'... whom you had given support, it is really a dilemna....

i guess these elements were all there in the drama serial; the uncertainties of life; the upheavals; the overarching consideration by one who leads; and the comfort of having someone in the rough pathway to protect and help.... i was quite stunned that in googling, there were actually blogs set up for the drama serial, and the lead casts... people really got into the drama, analysed the character, and lived with the character....

given the affluence and superficiality of life here, sometimes these shows depict reality better... in spore, what are the issues of life? Does anyone actually think?

not that watching drama is meaningful... and i feel stupid to be 'addicted' to it... but it does show how empty many people's lives are.

In this serial, there was a reunion of bond/friendship after 30 years of separation... i dont think i have 30 years to wait... and even if i have... will there be such an ending for me?

Through this, I realised i am still the dreamer, the idealist that i ever was... sometimes, i feel i hadnt grown up at all. I also know, deeper than that, are the many past issues that remained in the vault within. A heavy vault locked within.

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yesterday afternoon, i took a short nap, and dreamt of mum. This is not usual. I woke with that sinking feeling. But I should expect this. This downward turn happens usually during school break.

This also should be the last of the school break, since after the next semester, it is no longer a break, but a stretch.....and i know in my sub conscious mind, it is another tunnel...

Every sem, i have felt the pain of departure. Last sem, it was dc, and it was very hard to reconcile cos he was a rare educationist, with exceptional insights and values. He was one of the very few that had a mature perspective, but it took me a long time before I could commune at a level of depth with him. By then he was leaving, and left. I was very sad, and still is....


This sem, sy will be gone. sy was the first colleague i worked closely with, and we were always on the same page wrt students and teaching. He has his quirks, but his work is always beautifully done. And when i need support, he always knew. I am going to miss him and his comradeship at school. I guess alot of kiddos will too... he is a true teacher at heart.


ld has flown back to china. He has been a really dedicated teacher and student in the way he learnt teaching principles and values.....This sem has been very fruitful and our discussions have taken a higher level....end of the year is going to be even harder.... I will miss working with him.... and vl, who is every so patient and kind...


i am really not good at taking departures of any sort... it gets into a whirl with each recurring loss...but all these are thankfully 'positive' losses ie the enforced parting are with appreciation and comradeship...

Pain is always sharper when friendship is severed by differences/incomprehensibility....

i must however be glad that in life, more than most people, i should find so many people of such special value...especially at such a phase of my life.

i know the kiddos will also feel it as they leave the place that had been their haven for 6 years... i am glad to stay to see them graduate...then what? i am not planning... just do my duty now.


so the drama sequel merely presented the 'reeled' perspectives of the spectrum of life...which is more real? i dont know... but for now, it is a distraction to me from reality....