today...

"And in the end, it is not the years in your life that counts, but the life in your years." Abraham Lincoln. True. ==================================================================== I have to admit, I no longer like to live under pressure. In the past, there is a certain kind of thrill, to meet deadlines, to be stretched and go beyond what is possible. Now, I long for placidity. But that does not equate to mediocracy. I still dislike mediocre efforts. I can take weakness ie not doing as well as one should due to oversights, blindspots etc. But mediocre means cant be bothered to put in effort; slipshod. That is different. =================================================================== I also realise I will remain what I am. I was never one that is quick at grabbing opportunities, and certainly not opportunistic. Unless, the purpose is really meaningful, I would always choose to be in the shadows. I turned down an opportunity, and withdrew from another possible opportunity....................... The first I turned down within minutes without much thought; was pressed to reconsider later, but without hesitation, kept to my decision........ What is meaningless is meaningless. Vain glory. ...............The other is a creative effort on my part, that i know is original. I would have like to have shared it with a wider audience. But to pursue it would require drive, confidence, determination, and well, showmanship. The effort is not worthwhile. To me. So I withdrew also. With a tinge of sadness. But only a tinge. ===================================== ============================== I guess being unwell is a reality call. I can remember mum and dad nagging me since young about my health. But what can i do if my constitution was never strong from birth? In fact, I am already quite tough and resilient considering how sickly I was from child, plus a lifetime of headaches. I remembered how often my energy could not keep up with my ideas or what i would have wished to do. ............................................................................................................................................. Given the report of turmoil in every continent, I value the peaceability here, whatever the many irritations and vexations.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ And when things went downhill by Wed nite, I told myself, I really need to come to a halt somewhere. I was really grateful for the 2 day mc, though I was back in school today. I missed both night lessons and was sorry about it. I like learning. But I really cant keep that momentum. It was a luxury yesterday to sleep practically 7-8 hours in the day and night. I dont feel superb, but at least I feel I am picking up and can manage again............................................................................................................................... Brownee also was sick with diarrhoea and vomitting through wed nite which really didnt help at all. Migraine was too bad for me to drive her to the vet, so thankfully, using common sense remedy, the symptoms have subsided. ...........................................Yes, april is still a bad month, and I am more behind than I want to. Have not even started on a critical assignment that will determine 70% of my score for one module. I am worried, but I still want to do my duty to my kids first. I want to take care of my cats first. And people will always matter to me more than my grades. I hadnt change. I guess all my life, I will be an underachiever. In a way, I mind. But considering my priorities, I dont mind. Put in the balance, it is all lighter than vanity ==================================================================== i get to read alot of interesting articles from my course. Some of the readings are really insightful, and the depth of analysis of the many paths of a child development is quite comforting as one identifies one's own pathway. Sometimes, one can almost feel one being the subject of description. And some of these articles were written in the 1960s- 1970s. It is consoling that there had been people who really cared about the stages of internal personal developments of different individuals. I may not agree with the theories, but the keen observations of conflicts of the growth of a person's personality are really perceptive. =================================================================== And today, I was glad I went to school. It is a joy to see the kids. It is a joy to see them learn (at least I imagine they are learning). I cherish the process especially because it should come to an end by year end. I am thankful this year, I really enjoy teaching the kids. ==================================================================== PS: I am having problem with spacing with this blogger...hence the dots and hyphens to separate paragraphs! will need help to settle these techinical issues!!!!