Entering April 2011...

Amount of work and frame of mind is inversely related.... as work piles, it is harder to keep positive. doesnt help when the battalion of germs seem to mount regular attack. it may be a victory to fight off an infection, but it requires quite a bit of pill-popping, alot of sleep, and energy, whilst work piles..... April is a bad month, both from work and from course. All deadlines are due. And my head is bad. The advantage of experience is one can account for the awfully low frame rationally, that it is physiologically induced; that it is a passing phase; that what goes down will come up; that one has always pulled through before. experience teaches one not to panic, face one task at one time, and systematically reduce it. but experience is also far more perceptive, and deduce that all seemingly accountable reasons merely conceal knots of inner issues that cannot be resolved. Some surfaced in dreams. Dreamt twice of mum and dad. Had another dream of a happy situation that will never be. But it was really happy whilst in the dream. Not a very good entrance into april. Except the conflict stirred in march has reached a definite conclusion. That i am finally relieved. At the moment. There are still moments to be faced to finalise the decision. Somehow, over the past weeks, i have weaved a net of estrangement. communicating but not communicating. Perhaps that was necessary to find direction. Perhaps that was necessary to insulate. Perhaps that is also necessary since things really got to change, whatever one may wish. Whatever. Must press on. April should end more positively, since i should have cleared the tons of deadlines, by no choice. Low post. Must look up. That we can still live peaceably despite the tumults of unrest worldwide is a favour and mercy not to be taken for granted. I am very disturbed by the unrest. Look up. The mercies of the Lord endureth forever.